Wedding shower questions

Thank you all for your input and support. I spoke to my sister and aunt who understand my feelings however had some really great points for doing the shower anyways, regardless of the possible postponing of the wedding again. They reminded me that people want to celebrate with us no matter what and that they think I deserve all the extras. They also made the point that COVID has changed alot of the rules for Brides and Grooms so why not just go with it. LOL.

I feel much better about going forward so thank you all.

View quoted message Sometimes we all need reassurance 😊 this planning, postponing, planning, postponing thing is HARD.

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Thank you so much. I feel like you are all right and talking to them about how I feel is the best way to go. I think I always knew that I just wanted to see what other people are also doing. The stress of postponing and planning and postponing is getting to me I think since this really does seem like a simple answer. LOL.

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Absolutely Lorraine, this is not the way I had hoped to plan my wedding. We postponed once already from last year so this year we will get married with the 10 people if allowed. Then we will do a "sequel" wedding hopefully on our anniversary with all the people we originally invited. We only have a guest list of 65 people originally so we will keep that for next year as well. I think we will also do a vow renewal or something along that line next year as well so it feels like everyone was there. We are waiting until the very last minute this year to make the final decisions. Ugh.

I really hope things look better for you in July.

I totally understand your stress. We also didn't want to have a shower, but the moms really wanted it. So we said they could do it, because we knew it'd make them happy. But, like you, our June 2020 wedding was postponed to May 2021, and there wasn't an opportunity for the original shower. Now, we've actually decided to postpone again, so the moms are going to have to wait lol. We did get married in 2020, but it was so small and restrictions were so severe at the time that we just said to wait until the wedding. Thankfully they were very receptive to this, and if they still want to do a shower when we can finally have our wedding, I'm okay with that. Maybe see if they are willing to wait for you to decide the fate our your wedding. If it's going to be small (I.e., the 10 ppl), ask them to hold off until next year. I agree, it'd be a bit weird to go to a shower but then have to wait for the wedding. They've got to respect you in this situation, there's so much uncertainty and you should be the one determining when (and if) things happen. Best of luck 💜

I am stressing about that as well. I live in Alberta as well and it doesn’t look good for July. My in laws live in BC. We don’t even know if they could come over. As it stands right now they cant come because they can’t be in my house. So where would they stay?? All I need is 22people. That’s just close family. Plus our daughters 1 friend. How do I pick only 9 people from my family. Pfft My hubby said yesterday actually. We should think to re schedule. I understand and totally get it but I have been waiting for along time. Heh so I think what we will could do is reschedule for another time But still get married on July 17 with the 3 of us. Go to elk island get married and go for a long hike. I still need to get witness though since our. Kid is only 14. Then have a big bbq when we can with everyone else. What’s you guys thing?? I wouldn’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. It is what it is and it’s your day do what you want to do with in reason of course heh

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I totally agree with that and don't have anything against having fun with my family even if it is a bit uncomfortable. I think my biggest concern is the uncertainty of the actual wedding and the gift giving if the wedding isn't actually happening this year. I know all about planning last minute lately and I would hate to say yes, them plan and then the wedding celebration is postponed again.

View quoted message If you really don't want one that's entirely up to you. I just know for me, giving one afternoon of silly games, finger sandwiches, and attention are worth making my mom and mother-in-law happy.

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Thank you Amelia. It's nice to hear from someone in a similar situation. I guess I always assumed a shower would be for only people invited to the wedding but COVID really did change the rules with all the micro weddings, postponing, canceling and whatever else it throws at us this year. I guess some things are really about the celebration which is something I need to remember with all my negative thoughts lately.

We "postponed" my shower last June,but like you I don't know if I want to have it at a different time. The only reason I was having one is for the moms and aunts, so if they still want to celebrate I'll probably go along with it.


I think even though these people might not be coming to this wedding, they might still want to celebrate you. I was surprised to receive gifts from family who weren't invited to our micro wedding in 2020, I assumed if they gave us gifts at all it would be at the reception that they attend in 2021. For a lot of these friends and family members they want to celebrate you and your marriage even if they aren't going to be there on the day.

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Thank you Christiana. This makes complete sense to me and I do think they will understand if I can just have a proper conversation with them both to explain.

I agree with the others that if you don't want a shower then you should try to find a way to tell your sister and aunt. But I wouldn't say it's just because you might have to postpone if you're going to run into the same issue next year. They might not understand that this isn't something you want and they probably think they're doing you a favour. I think if you just tell them that you really appreciate the gesture but you don't want to be the centre of attention and a shower will cause you to be uncomfortable then they'll understand.

View quoted message You can also tell them that if they feel that compelled to do something, it should be something low key instead of a shower since you really don't want one.

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Thank you Liberty. I totally agree as I know they are doing this because they love me and think I deserve it. I'm just not big on being the center of attention which is why I didn't want one in the first place.

Definitely tell them that you are probably going to have to postpone the wedding and you don't feel it's right to have a shower now when you can't have the wedding but add something like you hope they are still willing to plan a shower for you closer to your new wedding date. I know you said you don't really want one but I thinking adding that could make them feel appreciated and like you aren't just trying to cancel what they are doing.

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Thank you Hank. I feel like this is the best way to go but I also don't want to offend them.

I'd let your family know you appreciate the gesture but because of the situation that they should hold off on organizing any events.