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Newbie March 2022 Ontario

Wedding day wasn't worth the squeeze

Shauna, on March 30, 2022 at 17:34 Posted in Just married 1 14
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Writing here moreso for cathartic release. I have no one else to talk to about this, everyone else will think I am being negative & ungrateful, but my wedding day was one of the worst days of my life. It took place a few weeks ago & I can't stop thinking about what a bad day it was for me.



I was a covid bride with 2 cancellations under her belt since Spring 2020. The initial planning phase before covid was manageable but for obvious reasons became trying once covid hit. Over the tumultuous course of the pandemic, I grew more insistent to dump our venue & initial deposits made & do city hall, but my social butterfly husband insisted we keep it, as well as several pushy (but non financially contributing family members). As planning time kept passing, I as well developed mental health issues, causing me to be increasingly socially anxious & led to several nights of crying leading up to the big day. The one managing the planning was the one who wanted it the least (me). I could not even take care of myself leading up, to even look in shape for the big day.
Anyway, so here we are at the big day. Everything looked nice on the outside except how I felt on the inside. I wanted the day to end as quickly as possible - there were so many hiccups as well. From delayed deliveries, delayed schedule, etc. We did not hire a wedding planner in order to save cash. Maybe my regret of that is part of why I hated this day. Once the day was done, I couldn't help but feel what a waste. Years of planning for an underwhelming 6hrs for me. What's more, though large gifts should not be expected, we did not come close to breaking even. Not even half. We would've saved more money by dumping our contracts to begin with.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Jamie, on September 19, 2022 at 18:49
  • Jamie
    Frequent user June 2022 British Columbia
    Jamie ·
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    Planning your own wedding is stressful af. i totally understand that you mean! hugs to you

    just be happy the day is over and move forward Smiley heart there will hopefully be some even better milestones in your life as a married woman

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  • Rachel
    Frequent user September 2022 Alberta
    Rachel ·
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    I understand how you feel. It is so stressful planning and I hate being the center of attention, it all feels very much a chore. To me, a silver lining is once it is over, we can move on and not have it hanging over us anymore (we have postponed twice). I'm so sorry that the day wasn't everything you wanted, but it is the marriage that matters and not the wedding. I hope you can enjoy each other moving forward and hopefully time will ease the pain.
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  • KELLY
    Super October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    Many people have lost social skills or become socially anxious since the pandemic started - myself included. I am hopeful that after venting you can put these feelings aside and move forward to the rest of your lives together <<big hug>>

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  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    I'm so sorry your day became a day you don't look back on as the first of a long line of great days. At least you learned what you don't want. You learned more about how to protect your mental health in the future and things can only go up from there. I do wish you a life time of happiness with your new husband. Maybe you can (if you haven't already) take some time and have a great honeymoon to get back to yourself, just the two of you. Try to forget the disappointment of the day (since it is one day) and make each day after better.
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  • C
    Super December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel ·
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    I should clarify... Most of our guests covered the cost of their meals in their gifts, which is the etiquette/expectation. Many don't know the cost of plates but it also varies. We chose to do an open bar and all the other things accounting for everything we knew we wouldn't "make back" of course.
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  • S
    Newbie March 2022 Ontario
    Shauna ·
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    Thank you, Kelsey for your kind uplifting words. They do bring me much comfort. Agreed, the disappointing day isn't a reflection of how I feel about my partner, but the whole process unfortunately triggered & brought to light some obviously untreated mental health issues. Maybe the bad experience has opened the path for a great thing health wise for me? I wish you the best in return as you wedding plan & continue making wonderful experiences with your husband to be
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  • S
    Newbie March 2022 Ontario
    Shauna ·
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    Hi Carmel - thanks for taking the time to read my vent! I completely agree with you, it's never about the money... I could have been married at city hall & have been happier with less bells & whistles & less stress. Only reason I brought up the money thing is because several friends were saying at minimum there is an opportunity to make your money back (which was the case for them). This unfortunately became a minimum incentive for myself. I would have much rather saved all that money for future moments lasting longer than a day. But interesting to know how much your financial return was also, thank you for sharing
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    The feeling of mental health on your wedding day isn't the greatest feeling as it does bring you down over time. The day you get married is always so happy though some don't feel the timing and schedule will go on time. I know your husband was trying to keep positive knowing what you were going through and not have all the money wasted.

    The fact you feel better now since it was done and can move on with your regular routine does make it better though its not something you will reflect on your times ahead.

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  • Stevie
    Frequent user September 2023 Ontario
    Stevie ·
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    Reading this makes me so sad - I wish I could send you a hug.

    It's hard not to feel disappointed or upset after your big day with all the societal pressure that is put on a wedding. Throw in a global pandemic and emotions are bound to be flying high.

    What Kelsey said in her comment is so important. The wedding day is just a day. The effort, time, and money that were spent are a drop in the bucket of your overall life together. You will make more money, spend more time together and eventually your mental health will go back to a safe, comfortable place. (Please don't ignore this and get professional help if it is available to you. Even temporary disruption to mental health can really affect your life and you deserve better).

    I hope you have an incredibly happy life with your new husband and that this day is eventually just a funny story.

    Besides, you can choose to have another celebration of love (on a much smaller scale) later down the line.

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    I actually spearheaded for the most part. I found vendors and controlled the operations and budget. It's in line with my work so I just had better resources for this kind of thing. My wife took lead on the creative though so colour, decor, flower choices etc were all her as long as it didn't go out of budget.

    It's unfortunate you felt the need to spearhead. Since the scale of your wedding was his idea, it would have been great for him to see the scope of effort needed to be put into a project like this so he doesn't simply makes a request in the future thinking it's nothin. Hopefully he understood how much you put into a wedding that served him more than you and that he doesn't take such requests, or your priorities, for granted.

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  • Kelsey
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Kelsey ·
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    Shauna. I am so sorry your day was a disappointment. I hope you and your new hubby will have a very happy marriage. That is what I'm focusing on with my planning when it gets overwhelming... the fact that I am planning a wedding for a lifetime, not a day.
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  • S
    Newbie March 2022 Ontario
    Shauna ·
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    Hi Hank, thank you for your comment! It does bring me comfort knowing you have found my vent & took time to read it! That is a good question.. One I have asked him & myself. His explanation was "weddings are a girl's thing". And he did try to help, don't get me wrong but in all honesty he is isn't the type to be aware of all the massive details that encompass planning a large event. Naturally with my orientation to detail, I felt obligated to spearhead. Don't misinterpret our relationship, we have a great one, just different POVs on certain things ie this wedding. And personality wise, I am the socially anxious one. Hank, what was your experience as the groom in planning? Were you able to partner up with your wife or she was happy to spearhead?
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  • C
    Super December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel ·
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    So sorry to hear this 😔 what a terrible feeling to have about your wedding day! It should not have been expected to break even though... The expectations is gifts are equivalent to what the meal costs, or it relates to the relationship with the couple... factor in what was spent... We probably recieved between 1/3-1/2 back in gifts but it's not about that and should never be. It's about sharing the joy and commitment with the people you love and I'm so sorry that's not what the day was for you.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Sorry to hear that's what you went through during the planning of your wedding. A big lavish wedding simply isn't for everyone, including many members here.

    If your husband is the one who wanted the wedding you had, why did he dump this responsibility on you?

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