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Newbie July 2022 Ontario

Trouble with a bridesmaid

Katrena, on February 19, 2020 at 09:57 Posted in Before the wedding 0 8

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My bridesmaid hasn't talked to me in a month because she's angry with me and i dont know what to do.

So it all started when we were hanging out and she brought up that she thought my maid of honor wasnt going to do anything for bridal party ect because she is pregnant and it will be to hard on her. I told her not to worry and i was going to talk to her anyway to see if it would be less stressful on her to be a bridesmaid instead of MOH (her due date is 6 days after my wedding day) so i didnt need to talk to my MOH becauae she started planning and what not so i thought it was all good.

My bridesmaid then messaged me angry that the MOH picked a spot for the bridal shower and didnt include her in anything. I told her to talk to her and tell her she would love to help. Well i guess she never did that because a week later she phoned me angry and upset that i hurt her and she felt used since she got the bridal shower invite in the mail. For one i told her to talk to the MOH cause she's not a mind reader... and two i feel like i shouldnt have been brought into this at all... now she wont talk to me and i feel like she ia being incredibly selfish. Oh also she complained that she already bought stuff for it... without talking to my MOH and is mad that my MOH has started it and bought stuff without talking to her... this is causing so much stress on top of what i already have going on l that i just feel like kicking her out if the wedding party. She has been my bestfriend for 4 years.
I just don't know what to do! Any advice would be wonderful!

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Latest activity by Ashley, on February 25, 2020 at 11:45

VIP August 2020 Ontario
Ashley · On February 25, 2020 at 11:45
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This girl needs to talk to your MOH.... and also your MOH is just taking charge and doing everything. she should be offering your MOH help.... i personally would talk with my MOH and ask her to talk to this particular person
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Newbie July 2022 Ontario
Katrena · On February 19, 2020 at 14:19
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Thankyou everyone for your advice! Helps a lot
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Devoted August 2020 Saskatchewan
Stefanie · On February 19, 2020 at 14:14
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I agree with Tori - I would apologize to your MOH first. Unfortunately, things like this can happen but I would get them together and talk to them both. That way they can let out what is bothering them and have them try to come to a compromise. Like Tori had said, it is close to your wedding day and kicking her out would probably cause more trouble at this point especially if she has already invested money in her dress and such. Not to mention there is a possibility it can create tension within your friendship. I would also mention to them how you feel and tell them that their issues and not communicating has put so much unnecessary stress on you. They are both adults and they need to figure out their stuff, especially before the wedding. The last thing you need is to have to deal with that on your wedding day. Going forward, I would tell them to create a group chat with all of your bridesmaids so no one feels left out. My bridesmaids and I use WhatsApp and it has been a lifesaver, especially when not everyone can get together at once. Plus they have video calls if you want to talk to everyone but don't want to text.
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Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On February 19, 2020 at 13:52
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First if you haven't already I would talk to your MOH and basically appologize for this BM's childish ways - but ask if she could start a group message with all of them so that it's not your MOH going straight to that one BM. Group chats were a lifesaver - just meant that my MOH had to download FB messenger though since not everybody had/has iphones and she was the only one without messenger.
If there is still a problem and you aren't getting anything out of your BM then maybe plan a little date night with her?
Kicking somebody out of the wedding party is a big deal and with you being so close to the wedding day I wouldn't do it lightly - if after all you trying she is still acting like a child over this then I would say to have a talk about her stepping down.
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Master October 2020 New Brunswick
Amelia · On February 19, 2020 at 13:06
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To me the the point is for the MOH to plan things so that the bride doesn't have to, so this BM is just adding way too much stress for selfish reasons. Should the MOH have talked to all the BMs, yeah probably but it's also not your MOH's fault if someone didn't reach out to discuss plans and made them without consulting the MOH.

I agree with the others, there is probably a bigger hurt issue going on for her to make such a big deal about this. I would try to meet for coffee face to face and talk with her about it. And if that goes well maybe suggest to your bridal party to have a planning meeting together so everyone feels included and tasks can be given to everyone. If she's still acting like a child you may need to reassess your BM and even your relationship.
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Newbie July 2022 Ontario
Katrena · On February 19, 2020 at 12:31
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I did talk to MOH about it and she didnt want her to feel like she had to put anything towards since she knows she at the timr had no job. (I bought her dress so she could be apart of the day) so i get why. My other bridesmaids have messaged my MOH after they got the invites asking if they could help at all.
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VIP September 2020 Ontario
Geneviève · On February 19, 2020 at 12:27
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You’re right, she’s acting pretty selfishly and usually there’s a reason behind it (even if it isn’t a good one). Oftentimes people react like this when they’re mad about something else ie not being picked as MOH, feeling left out, or something unrelated altogether.
I’d talk to your MOH to get her perspective on things. Perhaps the reason she didn’t include her was maybe she was worried about being steamrolled by this bridesmaid. If there’s conflict or tension between party members, you’ll want to know sooner rather than later.
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Master July 2021 Ontario
Kelsie · On February 19, 2020 at 10:20
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I hate to be blunt but she needs to grow up. Like you said, your MOH is not a mindreader and shes dealing with other things in her life too! If your bridesmaid cared enough she could've sent a message to your MOH saying oh i've bought such and such, can I help?

I'm kind of surprised your MOH didn't reach out to the bridal party to plan the shower but as you say, she's pregnant and has other things on her mind than trying to plan something with a bunch of people.

I'd tell your bridesmaid that her issue is not an issue with you and she should speak to your MOH. If she doesn't want to do that maybe ask her to step down? She might be jealous you didn't choose her as your MOH? It kind of seems that way.
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