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Lise
Newbie May 2022 Ontario

Toxic Bridesmaid ?

Lise, on December 30, 2021 at 01:57 Posted in Before the wedding 1 12
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So I have a situation... One of my bridesmaids is exhibiting some toxic behaviours and I want to know if I should absolutely cut her out of my wedding party or just stick it out. I'm just feeling really torn because I know it will hurt her.


For some context, I have been friends on and off with this girl for about 4 years. About a year or so ago I cut her off because she was being toxic, overbearing, and it was taking a toll on my mental health. It's kind of a long story but I have always felt deep down that she is not a "real friend". Anyways, fast forward and I reach out to her again to apologize and rekindle the friendship because I felt like it was the right thing to do.
Back to the present... I've asked her to be my bridesmaid and she's really driven a wedge between the rest of my bridal party. My MOH has been planning my bachelorette party and this girl gets up in arms with my MOH arguing that it's "too expensive" , or "I don't want to do that" and "I don't agree that I should have to help pay for any of the bride's expenses for the bachelorette party" and she's disregarding what I would like to do for the party (the cost would have been $290 which is quite reasonable to save up in 5 months given that she has a job). This girl has also been messaging my other bridesmaids (I'm not sure exactly what she's said to them) bad-mouthing my MOH because she has said some bad things about her to me and she's always hated her (might I also mention that the MOH is my SISTER who is also my BEST FRIEND). So I ended up cancelling all plans for my bachelorette party because my bridesmaids can't get along because of her. And now she wants us to have a party WITHOUT my MOH which doesn't sit right with me at all.
So.. is it reasonable to kick her off? And I know that by doing so I will probably also end the friendship for good.. it's just a really hard thing to do, you know? What would YOU do in this situation? Should I bother talking to her and getting her to fix her attitude? I don't know but I feel like it's a lost cause..

12 Comments

Latest activity by Maggnard-Smanta, on January 3, 2022 at 07:46
  • Maggnard-Smanta
    Frequent user July 2022 Quebec
    Maggnard-Smanta Online ·
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    View quoted message
    Her lost! Good for you girl!! Happy wedding planning ❤
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  • Lise
    Newbie May 2022 Ontario
    Lise ·
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    View quoted message
    ****UPDATE****


    I did call and speak with her today, and told her I would like her to step down and evidentally that did lead to the end of that friendship. I have no regrets and I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thanks to everyone for your insight this has really helped me through it
    Cheers to a future full of only love and support❤️!!
    Toxic Bridesmaid officially CUT OFF.
    • Reply
  • G
    Beginner October 2022 Ontario
    Giuseppina ·
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    I look at it like this: The people you decide to include in your wedding party are people who should love, support and be there for you during the wedding planning process and on your wedding day. Planning a wedding is stressful enough- planning a wedding during COVID is even more stressful. If someone is causing you additional stress, causing a wedge between other members of your wedding party, that is NOT okay and totally not acceptable. I would definitely have a conversation with her and explain how you think it is best for your relationship, to step down from the wedding party. Sorry you are going through this, I am going through something as well with a bridesmaid and it has caused me a lot of stress and I finally made the decision that enough was enough, and there was only so much of it I can take and put up with.

    Wishing you all the best with whatever decision you take!

    G

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  • Jenny
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jenny ·
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    I’ve dealt with my fair share of toxic friends and she’s very much one of those. Cut her out of the wedding and out of your life.
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  • Stefanie-Ann
    Curious August 2022 Alberta
    Stefanie-Ann ·
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    So sorry you’re dealing with all of this. If you have the time until your wedding I would take her out of your party. If you two have had a rocky friendship in the past, then it’s probably best.


    I also get the vibes she’s not a “real friend” so to speak due to the toxic behaviour in the past and now.
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  • Maggnard-Smanta
    Frequent user July 2022 Quebec
    Maggnard-Smanta Online ·
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    Hi 👋🏼. So sorry you have to deal with all of this. The stress! CUT. HER. OUT. This isn't right and you should be enjoying every bit of your wedding planning. You deserve the best and friends that support you. I would probably adress the issue with her, explain to her that ahe can no longer be part of the bridal party and if she decides to no longer talk to you again... Well... Her lost! You shouldn't even let her in your circle tbh. You seem to have had a lot with this friendship in the past...


    Good luck! Happy New Year!
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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    Cut her out !! I went through the exact same thing!!! My BM decided to text me the day I got my wedding dress and text me to tell me how I should’ve chose her to be my MOH and sooo many other mean selfish things.
    We fought back and forth over text for a bit and then I told her I needed a week to think because it was going to get nasty.
    When I called her she wasn’t sorry and still has never apologized. she made everything about her and it was never ending about her feelings not mine. I’m a very understanding person and I listened to her points but she could not listen to mine. I told her I don’t want to hear it anymore if she can’t be with us at the capacity we have asked her to be then she can’t be apart of our day. My biggest regret is choosing her as a BM. If I could go back I wouldn’t have let her be a BM and I would’ve cut her out completely because now I’m scared she’s going to do something else to me it’s like walking on egg shells. This is your onetime in your life to experience this with your fiancé and with people who truly love and care about you!! Have your bachelorette!!! Don’t cancel it because of her! That’s what she wants ! For mine we are just getting a Airbnb in Kelowna! You can still do something fun!! Don’t let her ruin it for you!! You only get one bachelorette!!! You don’t want to look back one day saying I wish I would’ve done this. Also if it’s on your mind to change something then change it! That feeling won’t go away! Follow your gut. Good luck and I’m so sorry she’s putting you through this!! 🤍🤍🤍 my heart goes out to you
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda Online ·
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    I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this kind of nonsense. If I was in your shoes I would personally tell her because of her actions towards the other bridesmaids and how she is reacting to everything, that it would be in your best if she stepped down as a bridesmaid and just become one of the guests at the wedding. You don't need the added stress of her. You want people standing up for you at your wedding that is going to support you during this special time and not bring everyone down including you!

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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    I'm sorry you are dealing with that, she sounds like a nightmare.

    While I do think it's fair to express concerns about cost when it comes participating in a wedding. If it was really out of her budget, she could have expressed that better.

    I think it's reasonable to discuss her no longer being a bridesmaid. It doesn't sounds like she is even wanting to be one. Or at least letting her know that you are going ahead with your bachelorette as planned by our MOH and she is welcome to not attend if she doesn't want to.

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  • Rere
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Rere ·
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    I would definitely try to her first, and definitely do not leave your sister out. For her to even suggest that is absolutely uncalled for. However if it is a friendship you would like to keep I would suggest maybe talking to her about it, she how she responds. Good Luck Hun.
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