Tough weekend.. bm drama

Here's a little update on whats happened: Last night we called to talk to her to try and salvage what little relationship was left with her. He doesn't want to fight with his sister anymore. She told me last Sunday to give her a week to decide whether or not she wanted to be in the wedding party, so on Sunday he called her to ask what she had decided. Well, she immediately got defensive and said she felt as though she was being pushed into this (she excitedly accepted back in Octoer when I asked her to be in the wedding party initially). He reminding her that we gave her the week she asked for and were just looking to see what she decided on. Things got heated, as they normally do with her, she was being really passive aggressive and eventually said no, that she didn't want to be a part of it anymore. This is the answer we figured she was trying to give us in the first place but was too much of a coward to actually say it. We then decided that it was best for her not to come down for his grad in June. She didn't like that very much. She hung up on him and went running to their parents to complain that we tried to have a normal, civil conversation with her. He was calm the whole time. I texted her after she hung up and said "you're right, we don't want you here for grad because you're always negative and id like for grad to be positive and happy for your brother because some of us are actualy happy about his accomplishments. That's ok about not wanting to be in the wedding party. I understand why you don't want to be Thank you for everything you have done for us for the stag & doe so far and the wedding. We appreciate it all. When you're ready to actually be excited about everything, if that ever happens, we will be happy to celebrate with you. For now, it's best we go our seperate ways and not have any contact until you can realize exactly how selfish you're being. We love you. We hope you can figure everything out on your end and become happy yourself. You deserve it. XO". Well, by sending her this text she did a 180 and asked to talk to my FH about an hour later. She apologized profusely for everything she has done and said she wants to make all of this right again. She said she still wants to be a part of the wedding but that she can't physically help out right now as she needs to worry about her own crap first, which we told her to do months ago! She said she still wants to stand with us on the day of and will be there when we need to pick out dresses. I honestly don't know how I feel about all of this though. Is it worth it? Should I still have her included on the day of but not include her in anything else? I don't want to fight with my future SIL but she's absolutely horrible some times. She promised everything would be back to normal and not future blow outs would happen. I've literally been dealing with these blow outs since October when he proposed. Every single happy time has been made about her and even my sad times when I needed things to be about me turned to be about her. I'm lost.

Thanks Lyz

Your welcome. I hope all is well with you and I hope everything works out.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't have much I can offer other then well wishes sadly. wishing you the best of luck.

Sorry about what ur going through. But at the end of the day u and ur husband is going to live ur life.don't feel bad if no one is happy for you who cares .from ur husband to be love u unconditional who cares about anyone they not giving you life or u not using there key when it comes to nite.girl live your life for you and ur family.don't settle for nothing less set ur sanders high..

Thanks Bethany. I remember you telling me about her before. I'm glad she reached out to you but I definitely understand not being interested in the friendship any longer after everything. What makes all of this difficult is that she's my fiances sister. It would be much easier if she were just a "friend" but shes more than that. We've decided to take a break from her until she can get her life in order. I have given her the opportunity to think about whether or not she wants to be apart of our big day. I asked her on Sunday how she felt about it and she asked me to give her a few days to a week to think about it. Honestly, in my opinion, if you need to think about whether or not you can stand in as a bridesmaid on my side during your brothers wedding there is something seriously wrong with you. I'm not asking her to plan this wedding; it's all planned! Heck, I'd even purchase her dress if it came down to it and paid for whatever else is necessary. It's the fact that she can't be happy for us because of the stuff she just went through in her personal life. She keeps stating that she doesnt care about having a wedding or ever getting married but when we first started dating that's ALL she talked about. I'm giving her the chance to decide what she wants... if she chooses yes then there will be some ground rules laid down for her. Not like crazy strict rules but just things that I will need from her to feel as though she's 100% in this with us. And if she says no then I feel like our whole family dynamics will take a poop dive. It'll be super awkward to be around each other after this. If she says no do I continue to invite her to events? Like the stag and doe (which she was supposed to be planning... his parents and best man took it over) and the wedding? I have so much extra stress going on in my life with work and finances, etc that having to deal with this too is literally driving me insane. I hate how much impact she has on my mental health.

Definitely is. It just sucks that she is also considered family lol

It's hard when you pulled in different directions to make people around you happy. I'm surprised she said yes in the first place to be a bridesmaid if she's not even that into it.
When I fired my maid of honour I made it about her in a good way. I told her I could see she had a lot going on in her life right now and that my wedding wasn't good timing for her. I told her not to worry about even coming to my wedding as it will be an added expense for her. She was a little offended, not mad, but hurt. But I ensured that it was just about what was best for her. Truth was, I didn't want her anywhere around my wedding at this point but I didn't want to fight about it so I tried to make it a nice firing. After the convo, which ended civily, we never talked for five months. She never reached out or asked about me or the wedding and I didn't reach out to ask her anything. The other day though, she texted and asked all about the wedding. I was polite but I'm not into our friendship anymore.
Let me know if this helps, this was my own experience firing a wedding party member but I am different than you. If you need to vent it to get it all out and organize your thoughts, I can listen too.

Your number one focus should be your FH and your child! Everyone else needs to take a back seat. You and your FH need to be a team, and need to be strong as a couple so that strength can filter down to other areas of your life. You need to make a decision it seems on where you put your energy. Sad that she was involved in planning certain events but quite frankly I would rather plan an event myself then worry about this negative person not planning your event. Cutting her out and moving on seems to be the best you can do for yourself and your family.

Thanks Simone. We're trying to find the happy in all of this negativity right now. I feel as though the constant battles being fought with her is really clouding my judgement and making me put up walls. It's my second wedding and I was honestly scared to do this all again. It somewhat feels like dejavu and is scaring me. Suffering through depression while learning about my families illnesses and then dealing with this is making it really hard to enjoy being engaged and planning. I need help snapping out of this before I ruin my relationship with my fiance.

Well Saud Lisa and I agree!

They have done all they can do with her other than cutting her out of their lives, which they can't physically do. They have had numerous talks, screaming matches, lectures, etc and have gotten nowhere with her. They react at the time to make things better but then give into her because she knows how to manipulate everything to be about her. It's quite frustrating.

There has been so many more times that we have had issues with her. I just feel like a jerk because shes my sister in law. I feel like this is going to cause so many issues in the family now. Visiting with them whenever we make our way there in the summer will be interesting. She was supposed to be putting together our whole stag and doe as well in August.

You made the right decision. The last thing you need is to have this continue to escalate. Is his parents doing anything about this to her? I feel like you both need some backup here. She's out of control!

First, that is way to much drama! Unfortunate you had to go through that! And your poor daughter! Realistically it doesn't have anything to do with firing her. She is going to be a negative person regardless if she's a bridesmaid or not. You do not need to subject yourself to that kind of negativity in your life! I've had to distance myself from people like that. People with that type of energy will drag everyone down regardless of weddings or special events. This is a very happy time for you and you should be surrounding yourselves with people who love and support you! You shouldn't feel bad at all. Chin up, let it blow over but under no circumstance should this woman be your bridesmaid!