Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Frequent user August 2024 Quebec

The "trapped men" trope

Karine, on February 2, 2019 at 05:12 Posted in WeddingWire 0 22

Saved

Dispute
Hide content

Everyone knows that trope way too well... The guy being depicted as trapped/imprisoned/miserable after getting married and the girl as the vicious creature that causes all the sorrows...

It's a "joke" I heard even before getting engaged. I also got the reverse version where people "pitied" me for getting with such a "troublesome" guy... And both version pissed me off. And now that we're engaged, we get it thrown at our faces so much more!

So I started fighting back. Whenever someone "jokingly" tells me I'm doing a mistake or that I'll be "stuck" with him, I simply answer that if this is how they see it, then maybe they just don't know us that well... because my FH is ADORABLE and just perfect for me. After two years of dating, if I thought marriage would be a trap, then I would have said no.

I also talked about this to my FH and he agreed with me that the whole "marriage is a trap" thing was just plain ridiculous and insulting. So he promised me to fight back too!

We both love each other to the moon and back... and we both worked very hard on our relationship so we both felt respected and understood. We both had to do some efforts and we both had to compromise. But I won't let anyone make our love and commitment look like a life sentence.

Must had to get this off my chest! Thanks for "listening"

Dispute
Hide content

22 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on February 6, 2019 at 22:24

Master August 2019 Ontario
Bianca · On February 6, 2019 at 22:24
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message

I completely agree! Some people don't have the social awareness of knowing what's acceptable and what's not. If anything, you should feel bad for them that they don't understand that it's not okay what they're saying and maybe correct anyone who chooses to make those crude jokes next time.
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 6, 2019 at 18:06
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I know it's just a joke for them, but jokes can be hurtful and I don't want people telling us we're making a mistake even if it's jokingly. The same way I wouldn't want people "wishing" me bad things for any other happy moment of my life! If the only humor someone is capable of when I'm being happy is to be a downer, then they don't have a very good imagination in my opinion!
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 6, 2019 at 18:02
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I'm very lucky to have them, they really ARE great!
- Reply
Master August 2019 Ontario
Bianca · On February 5, 2019 at 15:49
Dispute

Hide content
This hasn't happened too much to us (that I know of). My mother wasn't very excited about marriage but hers didn't end to well (with my father), so I see where she's coming from.
I think it's just people making jokes and whatnot, marriage is a good thing if both people involved in it want it.
- Reply
VIP May 2019 Ontario
Stephanie · On February 3, 2019 at 07:48
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
You have very good parents
- Reply
Expert March 2020 Ontario
Alycia · On February 3, 2019 at 00:03
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message

You sound exactly like me!! Except I have two dogs and one cat.
- Reply
Master October 2019 Ontario
Casey · On February 2, 2019 at 18:06
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
Dear god that’s a bit far out there. Some guys think they are hilarious. And if they seriously think they are trapped, why did they get married in the first place!
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 17:38
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
My parents are divorced and are still 100% supportive. They know that their failure is their own and has nothing to do with my relationship!
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 17:35
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
Yes!!! The "so next, babies" thing is also super annoying! I don't want children either and everyone goes "oh, you'll change your mind..." Like, ok... Maybe you're right... And if it's the case, good for me! But maybe not and that is none of your business so keep your nose out of it...
I also usually tell people I already have two cats, so I don't need more children.
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 17:30
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I had a married man once tell me I'm running into a trap and that he'd be a better suitor... I wonder what his wife would think of that "joke"...
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 17:29
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I think I'll just start saying something in the lines of "why would you say something so mean" and watch people get uncomfortable while they try justifying their awful comment 😂
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 17:00
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I once replied "you know, if you can't be happy for us it's probably cuz your a sad person..." That shut him up pretty fast
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 16:58
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
The ball and chains one is awful too
- Reply
Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On February 2, 2019 at 15:51
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message

Lmao right?!
In all seriousness I don't get why there are cake toppers depicting the groom trying to escape. Or ring bearer signs that say: Too Late to Run.
like WTF?! Don't involve the next generation of boys in this disgusting trope!
- Reply
Expert April 2019 Alberta
Michelle · On February 2, 2019 at 15:38
Dispute

Hide content
This has happened a few times in the past couple months to us. It's usually like "You're getting married? Don't do it man!" I reply usually with "Well we've already spent $10,000 so it's happening" and it doesn't bother me too much. It actually bothers my FH more than me! He gets a bit mad. He usually replies "Just cause you're unhappy doesn't mean I will be, why would you even say that?"
- Reply
Frequent user August 2024 Quebec
Karine · On February 2, 2019 at 15:23
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I know right!!! If he's really "trapped" then it's his doing and his problem 😂
- Reply
Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On February 2, 2019 at 12:29
Dispute

Hide content
I agree that the trope is 100% annoying! We haven't gotten a lot of these comments, but know couples who have - marriage is a two way street: the guy wouldn't propose if he didn't want to get married and the girl wouldn't say yes if she didn't want to marry the guy.
It's funny how the guy proposes, but he's the one seen as "trapped" usually.
- Reply
Expert September 2019 Manitoba
Kelly · On February 2, 2019 at 12:06
Dispute

Hide content
Things I hate: Bottom of the groom's shoes that say "help me", and cake toppers of brides dragging the groom's ass down the aisle.
These are not funny. These are not cute.
- Reply
Super June 2019 Ontario
Robyn · On February 2, 2019 at 11:42
Dispute

Hide content
Hate this, too. I get it a lot, especially from his family, which kinda weirds me out. They are kind of a harsh family, their "teasing" is actually pretty harsh in my opinion. His younger, single brother won't stop with the "you still have time to change your mind" comments, so I just started saying "I'm the lucky one" really sweetly. It annoys the hell out of his brother and makes my FH laugh, so win-win.
- Reply
Master October 2019 Ontario
Casey · On February 2, 2019 at 11:10
Dispute

Hide content
100% annoying. I’ve experienced this at work as well. I work with a hard to serve population and you would think staff in this field would be understanding. But I have found to get this whole “ it’s a trap “ thing from people who have gone through a divorce, have bad relationships etc. The more I listened to who said it the more I started paying attention so it was funny to me that just because their relationship failed doesn’t necessarily mean mine will!
Love that you both are fighting back!
- Reply
Expert March 2020 Ontario
Alycia · On February 2, 2019 at 08:27
Dispute

Hide content
I agree with you! It sucks hearing this, we’ve been dating for 9 years, it will be 10 on the day we get married. He don’t hear it as often because of being together so long people are more surprised that we want to get married and are excited for another party. I work along but with clients, a lot of the men have some of those comments but their careful about their words, since I’m tattooing them lol.
I’m getting more comments like yay now that means babies, which hurt me a bit because I don’t know if I want or can even have kids. It’s hard to hear that the reason some people are excited for us, is for potential offspring.
My FH’s best friend is totally against marriage too, so that’s been really annoying to listen to also.
- Reply

VIP May 2019 Ontario
Stephanie · On February 2, 2019 at 07:06
Dispute

Hide content
Oh no I agree with you 100%!!!! I work in a very Male dominated workplace and I hear that way too much "it's a trap!" "Why are you doing it?" "Does he know what hes getting into?" All these comments come from the men and I know they're "joking" but it still hurts to hear when you're so excited to get married and enjoy the rest of your life with someone you love and all these crumb bums have to be so rude. Then again! Some of the guys joke but are also super supportive or are 100% supportive and great! And even some of the ladies who have been through a divorce are also very excited and supportive!
But Same as you I talked to my FH and yeah that trope is just old and hurtful. Why put a ring on it in the first place if you thought it was the end? And dont even get me started on those wedding elements like the ball and chain on the cake topper.... the "help me" on the bottom of the grooms shoes.... I agree with you 100% it's just so annoying...
- Reply