The "2nd" reception

Okay, I need some advice. My fiancé is from out of province. His family is great but they act like we have moved across the planet.... We are planning the wedding where we live now, and the guest list was a battle right outta the gates. I want to invite the friends and family that we're close with. I don't want a big wedding. His parents thought their whole family tree should be invited as that's apparently the norm out there. I argued that A) I am not comfortable having a ton of people at the wedding I don't know (alienating)B) they aren't all going to come all this way anyways ($$$&dollarWe managed to compromise and said that we would go there and that they could arrange something casual there.Fast forward a few months. They have now booked a hall, are talking hiring a caterer and decorator and their guest list is larger than our wedding!! Our wedding isn't for 10months and they are planning this for 3 months post wedding and telling their family out there now.My question is am I being selfish by telling them to scale it back? I feel that they are taking this party more seriously than our actual wedding and in turn, less of their family will come here. I never wanted a big wedding and this is making me feel super uncomfortable. Not to mention, there's no guarantee I can even get the time off work with all the time I need off for the wedding. STRESSSSSSSSS!I need some unbiased opinions on what to do. His parents are very set in their ways and I don't think they understand the boundary difference between MOB and MOG. They are lovely people but this has brought the worse out in them.-C