Text from a friend

Lol thats so random and weird. honestly if someone is gonna be that judgy about everything youre doing about your wedding i wouldnt have her in my wedding party. i would respond and say i was just telling you whats happening and keeping you up to speed about the wedding im not rubbing it in i just want to tlak about it with my BM

Hmm...

I'm reading this as her being genuinely hurt that she isn't included in the wedding party, regardless of her feelings about your fiance. I think it's an honest share of how she's feeling - and, I don't think it was meant to put you down or cause friction... in fact, she's being forward enough to tell you something that is bothering her, so you have the opportunity to fix it. She could have ghosted?

I do have to say, she is correct, though. You made a choice to not have her in the wedding - and that is 100% your right to do so.. but if that is the case, I wouldn't talk wedding shop with her, unless she asks.

I would maybe just tell her you didn't mean to come off as rubbing it in, but that you were just sharing what was going on. If she is an important person in your life, I'd also try and carve out some time to ensure you guys do some things that are not wedding related.. movies, coffee.. friendship dates. And if it ever comes up - just explain that her friction with your fiance was the reason she wasn't included and it doesn't/didn't have a place in your wedding day.

It seems that honesty is the best policy and that was her approach as well. Just my thoughts..

Honestly honey it looks like you two have out grown each other and that completely okay! There’s no reason to have someone on your life who doesn’t support you and what you are doing! I would suggest confronting her but before that decide if you want her in your life at all! The fact that she can’t be happy for you and celebrate your plans while sitting on the side lines says a lot

I agree with Allison. If this person has been terrible to you in the past and it’s starting up again, I wouldn’t pursue a friendship. I don’t know the story behind this person, but the fact that they’re terrible to you then conveniently need you when things break down in their life, but degrade you when things go well for you again appears pretty one-sided. You can either distance yourself quietly or you can talk to them and explain how you’re feeling. You’d know which way is better to handle this person. Good luck with it!

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I would again try and fade from the friendship. Others have mentioned not bringing up wedding-related stuff with her, which would be good since she feels frustrated by it already. Obviously losing her mom is tough so I get how you'd feel conflicted about dropping her friendship.

The wedding party involves the meeting of minds between you and your fiancé to be the biggest factor. Your long term friend seems not to know everything of what your planning since it bothers her so much. Due to the connection of your fiancé and relationship to him, she should step down if she is disrespectful towards all of this and not attend as a guest to your wedding.

Arrange a day to meet her in person and let you know what is going on and how its affecting you both physically and mentally. Her presence is not helping in anyway as a bridesmaid and a guest to the wedding. This friendship breaks, don't look back if you go back to face a rocky path affecting your marriage and relationship towards your husband afterwards. Its not worth the pain and stress.

View quoted message I have been considering our friendship for a very long time. My hubby hasn’t done anything to warrant not being liked/not trusted and she said some horrible things about my pregnancy. Just when I lost enough connection about 4 months ago her mom passed away and she reached out to me so I’ve been supporting her through that. It’s such a sensitive time still so I don’t wanna add to her hurting but when she’s been as unsupportive as she is, I’ve lost value in her opinion. I’m so conflicted but with her not being supportive of my relationship why should she be there at all? Ugh idk. I responded to her text yesterday and she hasn’t said anything to me

It sounds like she might hold a grudge for not being in the wedding party, even though she clearly doesn't support your relationship, She could also be jealous with how your life is going, especially if hers isn't great.

I'd seriously consider your friendship with her, she's been un-supportive in the past and she probably won't change her tune after the wedding. I've had a friend be sad when I broke up with my ex because "he's such a great guy, etc." and then not approve of my DH when we started dating. Sometimes friendships grow apart, and this may be a good point to reflect on your friendship with her.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't talk "wedding" with this friend anymore it seems like things will seriously breakdown if you do. It sucks that she is asking you to basically censor yourself and not share details about a huge part of your life but I think if the level of frustration is already this high ... it's not worth getting into. Especially if you've only chatted briefly about photography.

Although, if you and her share mutual friends she might have heard things about your wedding through the grape vine and you might not have even realized it.

She's probably not your biggest fan right now (and never was a fan of your fiance like you mentioned), she's hurt, and she's also annoyed. Bad mix.

But at least she was upfront and at least now you know sooner rather than later. If you don't plan on ending the friendship and she's still invited ... just be prepared for things to get weird ... it sounds like deep down you've already created some distance.

I mean - it sounds like she is just being honest. If I put myself in her shoes and no matter the friendship before hand, when you aren't asked to be a wedding party but your friend goes to you with wedding stuff you might feel like you are close enough but not good enough to make the cut. I think that she is just being honest rather than bottling up all those feelings and then later saying things behind your back or something. If she isn't on good terms with your FH then I hate to say it but those friendships aren't ones that tend to last. Maybe just explain where you are coming from and say you won't mention the wedding like how Amanda said and slowly text less and less until all she is is another guest at your wedding.

I would let her know that you were excited to share and not rubbing it in her face. And that if she prefers you don't need to talk about wedding things with her.


Her honesty might hurt, but at least she told you how she was feeling. And you have an opportunity to do the same. If a message feels weird maybe offer to grab a coffee.

I guess I dont the back story of your friendship over the years but from an outsider's perspective that's a pretty crummy thing for her to say. If you dont want any drama I would just tell her you're sorry and that you wont mention anything about the wedding anymore and then I would slowly start talking to her less. Sounds like shes jealous to me (and a crummy friend). If you have been great friends for years and you want to get how YOU feel off your chest then tell her but expect her not to take it well. Decide how important her friendship is to you.


It's unfortunate that her and your fiance don't get along. I was with someone for several years that my friends didnt like; I knew they didnt like him but they were still supportive because they knew/thought I was happy; crummy she doesn't seem to be able to do the same based off this text.