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Newbie July 2012 Manitoba

Still resent husband for honeymoon

Havenly, on February 13, 2021 at 12:57 Posted in Honeymoon 0 6
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We got married in 2012. In 2011 I moved to Winnipeg, MB, Canada despite hating winter (I’m from California) because my husband, fiancé at the time, landed his dream job that was based there. We planned our honeymoon to be a scuba diving vacation in Belize and put down the deposit for the hotel. My husband is a master scuba diver, but I had to take lessons. My husband also had the great idea to use Honeyfund to use as a registry for honeymoon related purchases (hotel nights, excursions, etc.), which many of our family and friends contributed to. Two weeks before the wedding my husband decided we can’t afford to take the honeymoon and I couldn’t say anything because I couldn’t work since my immigration was still being processed. We lost the deposit and I was so embarrassed that all of the Honeyfund gifts (the gifts were converted to cash). He said we would take one in a year or so and instead did a mini honeymoon where we camped in the Redwoods on our drive back home. I hate camping, so it wasn’t much of a honeymoon for me. Now 8 years and two kids later, we still never took our honeymoon and I still hate and feel trapped in Winnipeg. I still feel very resentful.

6 Comments

Latest activity by Katerina, on May 3, 2021 at 15:28
  • Katerina
    Curious August 2021 Ontario
    Katerina ·
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    I'm sorry to hear this! Smiley sad It strikes me that you never mentioned whether you were just wanting to vent or wanted advice here. I can understand this being something you are disappointed about and it is important to be able to share your feelings. If you are open to it, I would try and find ways to talk about it with your husband about your feelings (because they are totally valid) and hopefully this is something you two can do in the future.

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  • Jenny
    Newbie August 2021 Ontario
    Jenny ·
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    Oh no...I'm so sorry you still haven't gone on your honeymoon!

    I started reading your post because it was exactly my mom's story, except that my mom was married in 1992 and didn't get her dream honeymoon to Hawaii because my dad didn't get his vacation request approved from his job. So they didn't even go anywhere!! They went to a beach for a weekend near their city, and that was what my parents called their honeymoon.

    For the next 27 years, my mom STILL resented my dad for not taking her somewhere she wanted to go. She had 2 kids (me and my brother), and worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs, while my dad worked one fulltime job to make ends meet. Finally, 27 years later, in 2019, they went on their FIRST trip just the two of them. They went to a 5-star hotel in the Dominican Republic (much cheaper than Hawaii), and then my mom was able to forgive my dad and let go of the painful past. They still have never been to Hawaii. But they are still together, and they get along well enough that I can say they love each other.

    I really hope that you can find a way to talk to your husband about planning a trip to go somewhere you'd enjoy yourselves. It doesn't have to be Belize, it can be anywhere with hot, sunny beaches and scuba diving, but I hope that your husband hears how you feel and treats you to a nice vacation when it's safe enough to travel.

    Travel restrictions might still be in place, and you might have to wait even longer before your dream comes true, but take my parents' story as a lesson that your resentment is completely understandable. In fact, it's the normal response to missing out on the trip of a lifetime. Especially because you had the deposit on the hotel and everything, and it was taken away from you. BUT there is hope. It is never too late to pursue your dreams.

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  • Courtney
    Curious June 2021 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    Ouch!

    I agree with the others, you need to really communicate with your husband, instead of talking behind his back about how mad you are at him. It definitely is a two way street, and if you don't like how something is going on in your marriage it's up to you to address the situation and come to a reasonable agreement.
    Are you both working now? Can you both place aside money with each paycheck and save? Right now with how the world is, you probably won't be able to travel for the next little while anyways, so that'll give you ample amount to time to save up.
    I'm sure you're not the only one that has been in this predicament.
    If you don't like camping, maybe suggest an alternative for glamping? Or renting a cottage or resort off the beaten path that allows for lots of outdoor activities.
    Or until you have enough saved for a honeymoon, go on day outings with each other (if covid restrictions allow it), and have some fun as a couple. Seek out new things to do in Winnipeg together, you'll probably be surprised whats nearby that you've never heard about or seen before.
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  • A-W
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    A-W ·
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    Definitely talk to your spouse. Maybe talk about saving up for a honeymoon (it's never too late to plan your dream trip). Find a middle ground so you both can be happy while doing what is best for your family. If that isn't working possibly try couples therapy so you two can communicate better and let go of the past.
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  • Melanie
    Curious May 2022 Alberta
    Melanie ·
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    I agree with Christiana. I’m sorry you feel this way! I don’t know if it helps at all but I was born and raised in Alberta and always hated the weather until fairly recently. Somehow I eventually came to love the seasons, even winter. I hope one day you’ll be able to love Winnipeg too (I hear it’s quite nice Smiley smile). Otherwise maybe you can move? Are your jobs flexible? I think this is maybe a bigger issue than just the honeymoon. Ps it’s never too late to go on your dream honeymoon! Is this a possibility?
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    It sounds like you and your husband have serious communication problems. You say you couldn’t say anything because you weren’t working, but you are in a partnership and you absolutely can and should speak up when you have an opinion about something important. Just because at one point you weren’t financially contributing to the marriage does not mean you don’t get a say. It also sounds like he doesn’t know how miserable you are in Winnipeg or that you still resent him for not having your planned honeymoon?
    You need to talk to your husband now and explain what happened and how you feel. Holding on to this resentment is not healthy for you or your marriage.
    • Reply

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