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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario

Sticky rsvp situation

Shevonn, on February 21, 2017 at 08:01 Posted in Wedding reception 0 17

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Hey ladies,
So I have a bit of a situation on my hands but before I get to that let me give you a little backstory.
After my FH and I got engaged he decided that he wanted to invite two of his closest co-workers. Both are married but didn't want to bring their husbands because they knew we were keeping out number as low as possible and they thought it would be a great Girls Weekend away.
In between sending out the invites my FH and I were invited to a party and his two co-workers and their husbands were there. During this party one of the ladies - we will call here "Sarah"- Sarah's husband became extremely intoxicated, to the point where he didn't remember anything, and over the course of two/three hours was continually berating me with insult after insult about being Canadian (The party was in the states). Now I can take a joke, especially a Canadian one but it got to the point where it was embarrassing, hurtful and I won't lie to, I broke down and cried all the way home. My FH was already angry by the comments and asked him multiple times to stop, but me crying is a no-go. My FH is really easygoing , calm and non-violent, but that night we was livid. Thankfully the night didn't end in punches being thrown but it was a close for a minute The next morning after my FH's fury had gone down, he texted Sarah about that night. She expressed that "John" had felt terrible about it, apologized on his behalf and not too long after that I received an apology card from "John" in the mail.
I then sent a card in return expressing how much I appreciated his words and it was water under the bridge.
That brings me to the invitations. Now, because of everything that had happened, I thought it would be a nice gesture and a good way to start rebuilding our friendship, to extend the invitation to both Sarah and John, instead of just Sarah, which was the original plan. In doing that I had to extend an invitation to my FH other co-worker and her husband.
Today my FH told me that "Beth" (the second co-worker) asked if her and Sarah can bring their sister and friend instead of their husbands for a Party Weekend. Then acknowledged that they were completely aware that the reason we invited them and their husbands was because of incident at the Halloween party...but these are the same people who were fine with coming together and their husbands not coming at all because we were trying to keep out numbers small.
If it were me I would, would just go alone because I was aware of what the original intention of the invitation was.
What would you ladies do? Would you say yes? The invitation is for two people, it may not be the two people indicated on the envelope but it's still two people.
Would you say no? Because they had agreed on coming solo. The invitation was only extended because of the incident that was caused by one of their significant others.

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Shevonn, on February 21, 2017 at 16:21

Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 16:21
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Hahaha

Only one one of them is my FH friends husband. We've had dinner and get togethers with Sarah and John many times. I only did it because I want to bury the hatchet for the benefit of my FH friendship with Sarah. I would never ever ask him sever ties with his friends but that day he was going to on his own, and Sarah is the sweetest. It would have been unfortunate.

They are super understanding though so it shouldnt be a problem. Its nice knowing I'm not the only one who thought it was rude of them to invite whoever they wanted.

Thanks Jennifer
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 16:11
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That's what I'm going to do. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't wrong in my thinking.

Thanks Natasha.
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 16:10
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I was shocked! I would never even think of bringing someone other than the person that was listed on the invitation. I spent half an hour trying to figure out how they even thought that it would be on okay thing to do.
They only thing that I can give them is that at least they asked and I wasnt surprised when I received the RSVP.

Thank you Samtam
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 16:04
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Normally I wouldnt, but I did it for the benefit of my FH's friendship with Sarah. They are really good friends and she is lovely.
Believe me when I say, its the one and only chance that John gets. It will not happen again.

Thanks so much Jennifer. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in thinking that they were out of line for asking.
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 15:57
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I did it for the benefit of my FH, and his relationship with Sarah. We've had dinner with John on multiple occasions before and he has always been kind. That night though, not the greatest show of character.

That is exactly what I was thinking. The random people who we have never met... we are basically funding their party weekend. That is not okay with me.

Thanks Melissa
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VIP April 2017 Ontario
Valerie · On February 21, 2017 at 15:55
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No problem! I definitely hate when people have that very weird mentality about it. Same with me not inviting someone and then my mom checking in on how many people declined... so now we can invite _____. Ummm no, I didn't want them there the first time around... still don't THANKS!
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 15:52
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Exactly what I was thinking. It matters to me who fills those seats and I'd rather it be someone that I knew over someone I will NEVER SEE AGAIN. I am completely comfortable with saying no to them. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't out of my mind for thinking that they were our of line to even ask to brin someone else.
My FH doesnt always see them, it really depends on what floor they are working for that shift. But any comments that they have are in no way justified in my opinion and only because they are upset they couldnt bring random people.

Thanks Valerie.
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 15:48
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Nope. We don't know them at all.

He works with them but he doesnt see them everyday, sometimes they are on different floors. They are super nice, so it shouldnt cause a rift or anything at work if we say no. It shouldn't cause a rift regardless, because of the situation.

Thanks Lesley
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Frequent user July 2017 Ontario
Shevonn · On February 21, 2017 at 15:45
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My thoughts exactly. If they arent pleased, then so be it. I dont want want random people there who I've never met and will more than likely never see again. I also feel like they are just taking advantage of us

Thank you Chelsea
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Super August 2017 Alberta
Bethany · On February 21, 2017 at 14:59
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I agree with Jennifer, I wouldn't have invited them. You never were going to and they're not you're personal friends. They're your fh friends husbands lol. You didn't owe them anything. It is a bit rude that the two ladies now want to invite their own ppl that you probably don't even know lol. They prob can't stand their own husbands seeing as at least one can clearly be an ass and that's why they're trying to take a diff +1. But I mean really, just go by yourself like the original plan. They seem pretty understanding tbh cuz they understood from the getgo they couldn't bring their husbands. Just tell them, however you want to say it, that they can't just bring whoever they choose as their plus 1.
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VIP August 2017 Ontario
Natasha · On February 21, 2017 at 14:56
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I agree with what everyone said .. I would kindly remind the two ladies that the invites are for the guests listed on the invitation and not just for any random person they may want to bring. or to save yourself the hassel just invite the two ladies as previously planned and leave it as that
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VIP November 2016 British Columbia
Samtam · On February 21, 2017 at 14:36
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That is very nice of you to forgive him but they should know better than to assume that they can bring whoever they want to your wedding! If the invitation said "Sarah and John" then that's who's invited. I'm surprised they even suggested this considering they know you're trying to keep your numbers down and that you don't know their sisters! I would just tell them that you would be happy to celebrate with them (Sarah and John) but that the wedding is for close family and friends only. We had a similiar situation with one of my mom's friends who assumed that since one of her sons couldn't make it but her other son could, that he could just bring his gf instead. And we had to have a talk with her and we said that if we ended up having space, we would let her know and when we didn't, I just told her "unfortunately we will not be able to accommodate any additional guests but we look forward to seeing you at our wedding!"
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VIP June 2018 Ontario
Jen · On February 21, 2017 at 10:33
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I agree with prior posts that they were out of line for asking to bring other guests who weren't initially invited. You would think, with them being already married, that they understand the cost of having extras there, regardless of you sending an invite for 2. You are looking to keep your numbers low, so just kindly remind them that you extended the invitation to their husbands, not to friends or cousins or babysitters or gardeners of theirs lol Hopefully they graciously accept and don't cause too much ruckus. I'm glad that the issues with "Sarah's" husband were resolved. I'm the type of girl who holds grudges too and likely wouldn't have attempted to fix our friendship after that, even if he did apologize, and definitely wouldn't have invited him to the wedding. Kudos to you
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VIP June 2017 Ontario
Melissa · On February 21, 2017 at 09:25
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I am so impressed at your ability to let things go (apology or not, I hold grudges). So good for you!

I think it would be perfectly acceptable to tel these women "no" to bringing random friends in place of their husbands. Bringing husbands and partners makes sense- strangers who just want a party weekend is kind of silly. Your wedding is a celebration with friends and family...not the friends and family OF your friends and family!

I would simply tell the ladies that while you would love to see them AND their husbands, the invitation is "non-transferable" so to speak. I hope they gracefully accept this, but if they do not, don't feel like you were the unreasonable one. They are out of line for asking (in my opinion).
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VIP April 2017 Ontario
Valerie · On February 21, 2017 at 08:39
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Personally I really dislike when people see it as just a seat and the butt that fills it doesn't matter, I'm sorry that I don't want your random friend at my wedding. So I would politely tell them that I'm sorry but the invite is really for them and their husbands (if it were me). But it is mostly up to you and what you are comfortable with, I mean your FH has to see these women every day afterwards and he may not want to deal with snide remarks or something of the like. But since you addressed the invitations correctly, there's no right or wrong answer really, just what you'd prefer.
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Super September 2017 Manitoba
Lesley · On February 21, 2017 at 08:31
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Do you know the friend and sister thatThey want to bring? I would say that you only want close friends and family present and that gets those two out. I think it's a bit cheeky of them to ask to bring random guests especially with everything that happened.
That said, since your FH works with them, you should defer to him. I don't know what they're like and he'll have to deal with them afterwards.
Good luck!
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Master August 2017 Ontario
Chelsea · On February 21, 2017 at 08:30
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Wow that is crazy!! I would kindly remind them that the invitation was extended for certain reasons and if they don't want to bring their husbands then they should come solo. My FH's sister has a boyfriend and they break up every few weeks and they have been on and off for well over a year now and we know him and so we invited her and her boyfriend. On the save the dates we were specific and wrote their names and so if they break up by our wedding she isn't bringing some random person to the wedding and we made this perfectly clear to her in person and she wasn't pleased but we don't want random people there whom we have never met and don't have intentions on actually getting to know personally!
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