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Kayley
Beginner August 2021 Ontario

Stag and Doe

Kayley, on November 6, 2019 at 15:13 Posted in Before the wedding 0 12
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My Stag and Doe was booked a few months ago for May 23 of 2020 and I told my Maid of Honour. My Maid of Honour's parents decided they would plan a family trip to Europe and that her parents are paying for the flight and a couple days worth of touring around. She found out at a family dinner last week and has now said she is 'so sorry' if she can't make it to my Stag and Doe.... Thoughts?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on November 14, 2019 at 16:49
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    This def sucks that she wont be able to go but a trip to europe is amazing. you def cant be mad at her for going on a family trip.

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  • Alexandra
    VIP November 2019 British Columbia
    Alexandra ·
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    Sucks for you, and it's okay to be bummed out, but really there's nothing you can do short of either a) Accepting she won't be there or B) Change your Stag & doe date if it bothers you enough. At the end of the day, it's a trip to Europe that she isn't paying for. She didn't plan it so she had no idea of the date so you can't really be mad at her. I would honestly smile, tell her to have an awesome trip and joke about how she should bring you a fun keychain back!

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  • Chere-Lee
    Frequent user October 2020 Ontario
    Chere-Lee ·
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    My Stag and Doe is also in May of 2020 (the 2nd) and we sort of booked around my matron of honour's schedule as she works on a fishing camp for the summer. So she's flying in (she lives in Newfoundland) at the end of April - our Stag and Doe is on the 2nd and then she's flying to the camp where she works after. It just works out because on her flight back home - she's stopping in to be in my wedding in October and then back home to Newfoundland. We didn't arrange the wedding around her, but it just worked out with her schedule - thankfully. It may not be a necessity to have her at the Stag and Doe, but if I was in your place, I would see if I can maybe move the date by a couple weeks - if possible. I personally love having my best friend and matron of honour by my side for all things wedding (I even arranged my wedding dress shopping around her flight back home after this past summer). That being said, if it isn't possible to move Stag and Doe to another date - I would be disappointed not having her there, but would never ask her to stay home from a European trip!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    While it does suck that she can't make it, but I'd totally understand that she was missing the stag and doe for a trip to Europe (that she didn't plan - her parents did).

    If she did the planning for the trip to be gone at the time of the stag and doe, I'd be a little more upset with her, but it's out of her control. Is there any way you can change the date? If not, see if another member of your bridal party is willing to step up for one event.

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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    Having been too Europe, I agree with Rayanne. You don't pass up a trip to Europe for a Stag and Doe.


    Obviously be bummed that she can't be there, but in the grand scheme of things she can still help you plan it and the rest of the wedding party can help on the day of.
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  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne Online ·
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    I went to Europe before some re somes I was in (didn't miss any stag and doe or events I needed to be at) while I was there I got blue ankle bracelets for all my brides (I had 3 weddings that year. They loved that their something blue came from somewhere far. Sorry but you don't give up a trip to Europe for a stag and doe. I'd be totally bummed that they couldn't make mine but so excited for them.
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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    I think having one less person at your stag and doe might not be such a big deal in the moment. If other bridesmaids are ok to step up and help with planning I wouldn't worry about it. You'll miss her, but you'll still have a blast.
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  • Amelia
    Beginner September 2022 Ontario
    Amelia ·
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    I agree with you in this. My best friend can’t make it to my stag and doe, but I did let her know she has an important part in my wedding.
    I feel this is something that is out of her control, but I wouldn’t get mad over it. Let her know have a great time. Maybe on the trip she can get something that you can sell at the stag and for as well.
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Ditto this! It definitely sucks that she can’t be there for an important event, but she’s going to make it to your wedding.
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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    I agree with Meaghan.
    It sucks and it's disappointing, but as long as she's there for the big day, I wouldn't make a huge fuss about it. You can always ask the rest of the wedding party to help for the Stag & Doe.

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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    Well, I know this isn't a popular opinion, but I think the only requirement of the bridal party is to show up on time and dressed appropriately for the wedding. Having said that, I do understand it is disappointing when you are hoping for assistance with something and it doesn't pan out.
    What I would do is tell my friend to have a fabulous time in Europe and plan the stag and doe myself if I wanted to have that event
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    My thoughts are that it sucks - but this isn't a negotiable thing??? Like - either she foots the bill to change the date, or she is demoted imo. I would of course still keep her as a BM because it's not worth losing an entire friendship over, but it's not a best friend thing to do.

    What date are they leaving and what date are they coming back? Could she change the flight and go for a shorter time and either meet her family there or come home early on her own?

    P.S. It might sound a little bride-zilla to do that but it's just so not okay. I also would just tell her it sounds like a "her problem" and not a "me problem" and tell her what the options are. She comes, she changes the date, or she is bumped down a rank... I'm trying to look at it from her pov and I would honestly tell my parents that I can't make it - they should have consulted me prior to booking if they already did. Should still be able to get a voucher for a flight for a different time, no?

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