Small wedding problems...

If you explain it to them that you just want family at your wedding, I'm suretheywill understand. I think that they may be hurt if they find out that they're invited to the shower but not the wedding, as it may come across as you looking to get some more gifts out of it by holding a shower with more invites than your wedding has.

Generally speaking, if you're invited to the shower, you're invited to the wedding!

Listen to your gut though, ultimately that is what matters most

Essentially, the people you invite to your Shower and Bachelorette, are the people invited (or at least expected to be invited) to the Wedding.

Have you had a chance to sit down with your friends and explain your not able to do the big wedding with everyone and so it’s just going to be family?

If not I would do this and let them know you would like to have them involved anyways even if you don’t have the money or space to include everyone in the big day. I’m sure your friends will understand (they’re your friends after all) and they will probably love to do something with you. I would just ask them for some input and let them know you want them to be involved. If your worried about it looking like your just looking for gifts than you can let them know you just want them there no gifts required.

I live away from home and my friends i have here won’t be able to come for my actual bridal shower and bachelorette weekend back home. The one asked if I would be ok with them throwing me another one here so they can all be there to celebrate with me too.

How about using the family get together as a “wedding send off” instead of a “shower”?

If your other friends understand you're having an extremely intimate wedding, I'm sure they'll understand, but personally I'd feel strange being invited to a bachelorette and bridal shower and not to the wedding.

You can definitely have the parties as a celebration, and to avoid the whole "I'm not invited to the wedding", you can say, "please no gifts" on the invites, so they know you truly just want them there to celebrate. However, in my experience lots of people tend to show up with gifts anyway, at least there, they know you aren't expecting any.

I had an engagement party and said no gifts, yet I think almost everyone showed up with something.

I would say definitely go for it for the bachelorette party. Typically gifts aren't given at this and it's more of an excuse to have fun with your friends! I don't think it's rude at all, especially if they know it's a really small, intimate wedding.

I personally don't think I would do a wedding shower. I don't love the idea of having an event, just to get gifts though, which is basically what a wedding shower is.

I had to have a shower, and there was some extended family who was invited to it, who is not invited to the wedding. They asked if they could come so they could be involved in the wedding, but understood I was having a small guest list. So it IS okay.

Totally, i guess im just afraid of not involving them at all in any way. I guess I can have a small house party after! its just that theres a couple hundred people i should have invited but didnt

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As Bianca said, and adding to that I know it's just etiquette, but at the same time, they're good to get gifts from but not getting to share your special moment? I don't know how I'd feel about it, but you know your friends better than any of us. If you want the ceremony to be super intimate, you can also opt for inviting to the ceremony your family, and then invite whomever to the reception so at least they can celebrate with you. That's just me though.

Hey Alexa, I'm all about doing what you want to do, but I think as per etiquette, it's said to be rude to invite anyone to any pre-wedding events who are not invited to the wedding. That's just etiquette though! You know your friends better than anyone on here does, so only you know how they will react to this situation. If it were me and a friend was having a wedding like yours, I wouldn't be terribly offended or anything.

I just feel so terrible... i guess if they're worth having in my life, theyll understand

Not necessarily. If you are doing a VERY small wedding, extended family and friends might see the bridal shower/bachelorette as their chance to be involved.

My cousin got married in Mexico, and about 20 ladies attended... she had about 40-something at her bridal shower...