Rehearsal Dinner - Who's Invited, Who Pays?

I agree with Brianna. The one wedding party I was involved in, the bride did do a rehearsal the day before but no dinner. It was literally just the bridal party and the parents and was mostly to set up what we could prior to the day. The bride did have a bunch of people from out of town (including her mother) but they opted for a bridal shower a few days before so all out of town guests (who were all on her side) could spend some extra time with her.

I think there is too much pressure on what you "should do" as opposed to what you want to do! Maybe instead of a "rehearsal dinner" you just got out for dinner with your out of town guests, then it doesn't have to feel like this obligation to pay for everyone. This also puts less pressure on people to HAVE to be there, as travelling can be stressful enough without having to also plan to be at a dinner event after traveling (depending on timing)

View quoted message Literally this is how I feel.
I don’t know if we’ll have access to decorate until closer to our date, and I can’t afford a rehearsal dinner AND a wedding. I don’t even want a rehearsal, but I’m guessing it’ll be highly recommended. I just want a 20 minute ceremony then an all night party lol

I have only been in one wedding party and the bride of that wedding had her wedding party/family at the venue the day before to help get things ready/decorate, plus the rehearsal. There was no dinner planned at all, she just ended up ordering enough pizza's for everyone who was still there around dinner time helping!

I'm planning on doing that same thing. No way that I am paying for a sit down rehearsal dinner on top of my wedding. LOL I don't care how cheap that sounds. I am not rich and feeding people is expensive!

I’ve been an out of town guest at a few weddings where we wouldn’t haven been included in a typical rehearsal. What Ive seen happen is the couple do their rehearsal and then follow with an informal dinner / drinks for anyone who is already at the location (typically wedding party and out of town guests). We covered our meals and drinks ourselves as it was super informal.


We plan to do something similar as my partner is from the U.K., so half our guests will be travelling and would like everyone to be together the night before, including my friends and family, to get to know each other before the wedding.

Our Welcome dinner for family and friends/wedding party were those who stayed at the venue as it was close by for location. Other guests coming the next day for the wedding didn't attend. My dad paid for the bill as my in laws didn't pitch in for any expenses.

View quoted message That’s kind of what I was thinking: we are having a SMALL wedding, on the verge of being considered a micro wedding.
If I invite all the wedding party and their plus-ones AND all the out of town guests, then it might as well just be our reception!

View quoted message Of course!


There are so many opinions out there on what a rehearsal dinner is or should or shouldn’t be, and and what the proper etiquette is, and the answers to these questions depends a lot on previous experiences. I think what’s important to keep in mind is that, while the wedding and reception the focus is on celebrating the couple and their partnership, the rehearsal dinner is a way for the to-be married couple to celebrate the people who have helped to make the wedding and everything thus far happen. There are so many ways to do that - from taking everyone out to an upscale restaurant to having homemade chilli and buns in a church basement to ordering pizza even! How you determine who to invite and how you make that happen is entirely up to you, so long as you first keep in mind the purpose of the rehearsal dinner.If your family/friends/guests really have your best interests at heart, they’ll understand and be happy to celebrate with you no matter what that rehearsal dinner looks like, and if they aren’t invited then they’ll look forward to celebrating with you on the wedding day (I.e. the reason why they are in town in the first place)! But it’d be ludicrous to expect that every single guest and +1 and great-aunt twice removed be invited to the rehearsal dinner, otherwise you may as well just have your wedding the night before your wedding day and call it that, since everyone would be there anyways!

View quoted message Thank you for this kind and understanding response and suggestions.


I was feeling pretty awful about my questions based on some previous answers - really made me feel like a horrible person for even asking.

While I agree with the previous responses that it typically isn’t customary to ask the invitees of the rehearsal dinner to pay for their own dinner, one option might be you may be able to consider is possibly offering a home-cooked potluck style meal at your rehearsal dinner, as an alternative to going out to eat or ordering take-out/catering from a restaurant. One of my sisters did this for her rehearsal dinner as they already had access to the wedding ceremony venue the night before, and it actually worked out quite nicely. That day the bridal party and all other necessary parties (officiant, music, etc) ran through the ceremony rehearsal, we also did the majority of the decorating that day and then had a meal that was easy to make ahead in a slow-cooker waiting for us when we were done.
As for your question of who to invite, that honestly comes down preference and your budget. From my experience, if you have close family that has travelled long distance, it is courteous to include them in the dinner if possible, but not necessary. Those people that should definitely be included (IMO) are the immediate family (parents, FILs, etc) and all those who helping to decorate, etc. or otherwise are helping to make your special day a reality. Basically the rehearsal dinner should be an intimate event with those close to you to thank people for and to celebrate all the hard work and time and energy that has gone into making your special day happen! ☺️

It is extremely tacky to ask guests to pay for their meals.

Where I live the grooms parents take care of the rehearsal dinner, planning and paying, and that's what other family and friends have done in other provinces.
The three rehearsal dinners I've attended, the invitees are the parents of bride and groom, and the wedding party. The only time there was significant others was if they were in the wedding party also. No siblings, no other family or friends.

It is extremely tacky to make your party pay for their own meal at a rehearsal dinner, especially so when they're already paying to travel to attend your wedding. They're literally there to help you at that moment.

As for plus ones, are they also attending your wedding? If so, I would say you would have to include them or risk your bridal party ditching your dinner. What are the plus ones going to do by themselves in a town they don't belong in? I personally would pay for them as etiquette says you should as host. If budget is a concern, don't go to an upscale expensive restaurant. Most towns will have a family friendly budget option. A rehearsal dinner need not be a fancy gala.

People not involved in the logistics of the ceremony don't need to be there and there's no obligation to host a separate dinner for them.

So in my culture it's customary to invite anyone travelling and having to stay two nights in a hotel to dinner the night before. It's actually an out of town dinner not rehearsal dinner. We fully agreed it's the right thing to do as well. We could only have max 50 guests in the end for our wedding and had 30 for the out of down dinner (our wedding was also 45 minutes from where we live so wedding party was staying the night before). Unless you want to word the invite as, "We'll be ____ for dinner if you want to also have dinner there" I'd say you do need to pay if you're inviting them/having an actual event. We paid for all of the food but not beverages as it wasn't a late night and figured there wouldn't be a ton of drinking and also thought that was reasonable (good call on our part because my husband's two cousins got so drunk but had to pay for themselves, and then they barely drank at our wedding where we paid the bill 😅😅). It's honestly up to you if you want to invite wedding party plus ones or not. If they're out of town I'd say yes but otherwise some may not even come. As one of our RSVP questions we asked if people would be arriving the day before.