Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Frequent user November 2017 Ontario

Re-evaluating friendships after the wedding

Chris, on February 15, 2018 at 02:58 Posted in Just married 0 7

SO I recently got married and had different groups of friends attend the destination wedding.

A month ago, one month after we go back I received a call from a close friend "Paula" of 20 years who told me she had something to tell me that was bothering her for awhile and she did not want to tell me at the wedding to let it ruin my week. She said the people who you think are your friends have set some things during the week and she felt a need to tell me. She went on to say how a few of them and mentioned who they were made comments about "we do not want to help with last minute wedding preparations she wanted a destination wedding she can do it all herself" , "I told her I slept in as I did not want to sit there and sip champagne and pretend to be happy while we were doing hair and make up", "I am going to be late to her room as I do not want to help her get into the dress it and put on jewelry will be too hot in the room and I want to relax", "I cannot believe she is wearing a wedding dress its too much and too over the top she should have worn something casual" "I am going to pretend I forgot my wallet and when we go on our night of town I will get her to pay for our cab and all our drinks" "let's play dumb and get them to pay for our excursion for us and we will tell her we will pay them later". "She gave me her pearl bracelet at the reception when it fell off to hold it for her but when she asked for it the next day I pretended she did not give it to me". "I am going to tell her I laid down before dinner and slept through the night so I do not have to help her with anything I may be the maid of honour but Im only hear for a vacation not a wedding"

These are a few examples and there is a lot more I heard from my friend. A few weeks later I heard a few similar comments from another friend "Andrea" who did not know the first friend who told me and warned me about this group of friends as well and had similar verbatim comments.

My male colleague "Frank" at work around Christmas warned me to distance myself from one or two individuals who went out of their way at the wedding to say mean things about me behind my back and and how I could have gone to the justice of the peace and I did not deserve to have a fancy wedding nor a wedding dress.

The friends Paula, Andrea and Frank who came to me and told me what a few rotten apples in the bunch said they would sit around on the beach and play volleyball and make fun of me when I was not there and laugh saying she is inside planning everything for the big day and we could be helping her so she would have less to do buy why and they would all laugh.

I have since distanced myself from everyone since the wedding but these "mean girls" group have since befriended one another on Facebook and prior to the wedding did not know one another well.

Three friends who had the courage to tell me as it was bothering them I respect but since they have told me I do not know what to do with the information. I know they are not lying as one lives in a different country and does not know anyone and she is worried in my choice of friends as with people like that who need enemies. My male colleague has never met my friends before and my other friend lives a couple hours away.

I have since distanced myself from these so called "friends". I am in the process of trying to figure out if I should do about this information I have learned about my "friends". My husband wants me to delete all of them off Facebook as he himself heard several comments from his mother that the bridesmaid said to her about me which bothered him but he did not tell me until a few weeks after the weeding but if I do this what do I say about it when I run into the at the gym, sidewalk etc. as one is my neighbour.

My husband thinks its jealously as we are happy we both got new jobs right before the wedding, and the three people in question are not so happy. One has been married 3 times and never wore a wedding dress for any time as she got married to get her citizenship and she apparently has been cheating on her spouse but she did not tell me this she confided in my husband . I don't think its jealousy as they are all better off than we are, cars, houses, travel but he does have a point. He said when I was struggling for work and working odd jobs they would constantly ask did you graduate from your post graduate program, when you ever going to be finished school, are you working yet and they would make such comments on Facebook. Then when you graduate and get a good job and you are happy and things are going well you post positive happy comments and messages on Facebook and nobody likes or comments but when you are not doing well they post and relish in how not well you are doing . I never thought of us until recently when my husband said nobody liked the wedding pictures , nobody liked my new job, nobody liked when we raised money for charity last month but when we are not doing so well they like to rub it in.

So we have both agreed to re-evaluate our so called friends and to surround ourselves with positive people who bring us up not bring us down and hang out with people who talk good about other vs negative comments .


Latest activity by Brittany, on April 6, 2018 at 14:27
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Cut that toxic garbage right out of your life. My only "happy" moment out of this, is at least it wasn't brought to your attention during your trip, or it could have totally ruined it! Not that all of this hasn't possibly tainted those memories...

    No one, at any age, needs to put themselves out, stress themselves out, or have anxiety because you're worried about other people's reactions to you making a decision that's right for you. I am currently in the process of distancing myself from the person who was supposed to be my best friend/MOH, but she made comments about me, my fiance, and my sister that have made me never want to speak to her again.

    Unfortunately, she's also my cousin, and telling her what I really think could spin off to a tornado of family drama. So I'm simply distancing myself, taking the high road, and moving on without making the situation worse.

    Honestly, if you cut those people from your life, and they made any attempt to ask why? Tell them the truth! You heard from several reliable sources that they were less than kind to you behind your back regarding your wedding, and you don't need that negativity in your life!

    Also, if that friend still has your pearl bracelet, I would demand it back. That's theft.

    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Curious October 2018 Nova Scotia
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    They sound like a bunch of crappy people that you dont need in your life. Thats a whole lot of negativity. And definitley agree with the jealousy.
    I would ignore it. Theres not alot you can do about peoples opinions, they're all entitled to them.
    You just keep doing you, live your life and dont give a second thought about what others think about you and your choices.
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    Good for you and your husband to be re-evaluating friendships after getting married. It does really show the true colours of your friends after the brave ones openly told you including your husband.

    Take the mean girls off all social media and they need to know how to respect others and to themselves.

    I did realize the day of the wedding, a friend invited for 1 decided to bring his mother and boyfriend having us feed them for free. Then left no money as gift claiming it ws given at stag (who does that). He got the functions confused overall that time.

    Therefore, i decided not to have any contact with him and say hi even if i ever saw him again. I wouldn't put myself through a full converaation with him or say anything personal in front of him.
    • Reply
  • Kayla
    Devoted September 2017 Alberta
    Kayla ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Cut them out.

    Don't keep crappy people like that in your life. They were never really your friends if these are the kinds of things they say behind your back. Behind your back during the week of your wedding to be more specific.

    You deserve better than that.

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    I'm so sorry that these people said those horrible things about you! No one deserves that.

    I think you should just cut them out of your life in every aspect. Delete them on Facebook, delete their numbers, unfollow them on all social media. If you bump into them, be civil but don't elaborate or give too many details. I doubt they will ask why you are "so out of touch" these days but be honest with them if they do ask. I don't think they will like the answer very much but you shouldn't feel bad as you have done nothing wrong.

    Your real friends are the ones who brought this up to you and will support you no matter what, good or bad, happy or sad.

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. I agree with the other comment posted that you should distance yourself from these "mean" girls. However, be prepared to have them pretend not to know why you're deleting them. Girls like these will probably play dumb and you might have to deal with an ugly confrontation.

    Good luck. You don't need people like that in your life.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Frequent user October 2018 Ontario
    Katie ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    I am so sorry these women have been so horrible to you like this, no one ever deserves to be treated the way they have treated you.

    I would cut them out of your life. It doesn't have to be a big deal, I would just delete them from Facebook and stop reaching out to them. I've always taken the approach that life is just too short to have toxic friends, and I have cut friends out of my life because of this. But it really helps you see who your real friends are, and I found it made those friendships stronger because of it.

    Most likely since all this happened behind your back, they won't say anything if you delete them, because they all sound very cowardly to me. If you do run into them, and they ask you what happened, then I would say to just be honest with them. You have done nothing wrong here, it is them that have ruined the friendship, and if they take issue with that it just further shows that would be right to cut them out of your life. If they're willing to say things like that to anyone who will listen behind your back, but aren't willing to say it to your face, they were never real friends. Real friends support you through the good and bad, they don't tear you down, and they'll be honest with you, even if it's not an easy conversation. These girls are exactly what you called them, mean girls. Forget about them, and just focus on the great friends who have, like the people who cared enough about you to tell you what happened.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇


Related articles


WeddingWire Article Topics