"preemptively" inviting plus-ones?

We did an A list and B list or more specifically international list and local list. Wedding is in July so we sent the international ones in January with an RSVP date of April so we knew how many of our local friends we could invite. Local invites are going out next week.

We split our invites into two groups (group A and group B). We would send out the first batch first and then send the second batch after. That way, once we receive the declines, we started sending out some of the group B invites.

We also decided that we weren't going to invite plus ones for those who just started a new relationship. Anyone dating less than 1 year wouldn't get an invite for their plus one unless they were already engaged. (we had some friends who got engaged in 6 months). Everyone who were either married or engaged got invited.

I like the idea of having your guest to notify you of having a plus one attend and to try to accommodate them. The one issue I see with that I that your allowing them to say how many of their other family members can be included raising your numbers potentially.

The way I would phrase it and on the invitation is to personalize the paper and online is to indicate

A. Paper invites are personalized to certain guests getting plus 1 guest and that they only choose to bring them or not and add the name to the card.

B. Online invites should let the guests know if you have been given the choice of inviting an extra person, please let us know and we will be happy to see you both there.

If necessary, let your guests know its only 1 person and not a family that can attend since some people are never sure they can try to bring more.

Lets just say my husbands brother who didn't show up the day of the wedding, called us the next day after all our family and friends checked out including us. He was going to bring his friends to the wedding when the card was only for him only and thought it was right for him to do what he thought was right. Never asked us in the first place too and glad we didn't have to face the fact we would have to throw him out with his friends.

I agree with the others, have an A-list and a B-list. I wouldn't want to be told my plus one MAYBE able to come so have both the guest and their plus one on either list.

Generally, we aren't giving plus ones to those who are single or in a new/casual relationship, UNLESS they won't know anyone else there. We only have one instance like this, a friend of my FH won't know anyone else there so she got a plus one, regardless of her relationship status. Our wedding party also has this option, but all 3 single party members told me they probably won't use it.

For guests that are married/engaged/living together/dated over a year, the S/O was automatically invited and if we didn't know the S/O's name we wrote "and guest" on our guestlist.

Amazing, thanks for all the feedback, everyone!

View quoted message THIS X 100%!

Use an A-List and B-List and you’ll be fine!

View quoted message This sounds like a great alternative if having your families there is top priority, though I can see where it could be conflicting for Rachel as she mentioned they’re not expecting all family from overseas to be able to make it. Still, it sounds like a good place to start!

What we considered doing was sending out two waves of invitations. The first to our immediate family and the second to our friends and family friends. This way you know your family headcount before inviting other guests and you can decide who to send invites with plus ones to.
We also considered only allowing those who have been in serious relationships for at least 6 months to bring a date since we didn’t want complete strangers at our wedding.

I wouldn't suggest saying maybe either. People need to know and need to plan so it wouldn't really be fair to put the invite out there but then say you will let them know if you can accommodate it.

The A and B list is a good idea and used a lot.

But also keep in mind, you do not have to invite plus ones for everyone.

My friends that are single are not being invited plus one. They know plenty of people who will be there so it's not like they will be all by themselves, but I am not even inviting all my family so I will not have strangers and or tinder dates at my wedding.

Guests who are married or in a serious relationship, yes it's kind of expected they can bring partners but passed that - you have no obligation to let every single person bring a date.

Oh wow! That's a great suggestion, I guess I just didn't think I could send out invites in A and B "waves". That totally makes sense and would work really well for our situation! Thank you!

Hi Rachel,

Congrats on your engagement and welcome to WW.

I would definitely advise against giving your guests a 'maybe your +1 will make it', as some people might be offended by being left hanging until the 11th hour. Personally, I would look at ways to limit +1 at first, and if you end up having room, start extending them. This way, guests aren't left feeling like a privilege was taken away from them due to poor planning.

Another option to help you manage your guest list would be to divide your guest list into categories : A-List and B-List.

Here's how it works: Your A-list consists of the must-have invites you couldn't imagine not having at your wedding, like your family and close friends. They'll receive your first round of invitations. Your B-list is made up of guests you still really want to be there, so don't put just anyone on it. If you start getting RSVPs and it turns out you have enough "regrets," then you'll start sending invites to your B-list (in order of importance).

Here's a great article on how to navigate inviting guests in your B-List : https://www.marthastewartweddings.com/642735/inviting-wedding-guests-on-b-list

Hope this helps - Happy planning