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Deziray
Curious August 2019 Ontario

Plus one Ettiquette

Deziray, on April 19, 2019 at 22:09 Posted in Ontario 0 20
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Hi, so I am getting married in August and I have a few questions about plus one Ettiquette. I sent out invites recently. Each one was addressed to whoever was included in the invite ie: Friend and Friend's Boyfriend.
1) How do you deal with people who assume they get a plus one but you didn't give them one. (Bonus, I am a bit of a push over so it's hard to say no to people)
2) How do you deal with someone who was given a plus one when the invitation was sent because they were in a long-term relationship but has since broken up?
3) How do you respond to someone who says "I haven't RSVP'd yet because I don't know if I'll have a date" (when they weren't given a plus one)

Thanks in advance

20 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on August 11, 2019 at 02:49
  • Kelly
    Devoted May 2020 Ontario
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute
    I would just be honest and up front it’s your day. If you didn’t give them a plus one tell them and if you have them one and they’ve since broke up tell them that you gave it to them given they were in a serious relationship however now you would rather them no bring someone because you would like it’s to be a close and personal day not with strangers
    • Reply
  • Sondra
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Sondra ·
    • Dispute

    I've seriously considered each individual and their relationship into my plus ones.

    My Aunt, despite being in a 10-year relationship, is NOT under any circumstances allowed to bring him to the wedding.

    On the other hand, my sister, who is not in a relationship at all is welcome to bring a plus one. I would LOVE to see her with someone.

    It's really down to each person, most of our friends and family are flying in and are not interested in bringing randoms overseas so we are really lucky!

    I don't have a problem saying 'no' to people, so if a problem arises I'll just tell them that they do not have a plus one.

    We are also covering everyone's accommodations for the weekend so adding more guests is not an option in our budget.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Devoted May 2020 Ontario
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute

    Honestly you just have to put your foot down, at the end of the day its your money having to pay to $80pp, if you didn't give them a plus one be honest and tell them.

    As far as the relationship breaking up i would just have that conversation with your friend and tell her the truth

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  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute

    Honestly if invites are already sent out and it is too late to add the # of seats reserved....just use your venue as an excuse... no one can argue with you then haha.


    the whole ... "Unfortunately we are already at max capacity for our venue. The invitation was intended for solely yourself and we do not have the ability to accommodate an extra guest. We do hope you understand, and can still attend. If you have further questions please let us know. "


    Same thing goes for if they broke up... "sorry the invitation was intended for you and so and so. . we have limited plus ones to couples in long term relationships etc... we hope you understand as it would be unfair to the other guests to allow you to bring someone new."


    We did plus ones for people only in a serious relationship, or that would not know anyone else there.


    We did offer up however that dates were welcome for the dance portion of the evening.

    Which is an offer if you want as well to kind of make them a little happier.

    "We have limited seats for dinner, but if they would like to join you for the dance portion of the evening we would be delighted to meet them"



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  • Tonya
    Curious July 2019 Ontario
    Tonya ·
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    What a great post!! I am just getting to this stage of things 😳
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute

    Eugh. This post caught me right in the middle of plus one frustration so I feel you on this.

    My fiance's aunt called last night with a number of questions.

    1) is my fiance's uncle invited. This is not her husband, it's her brother. He has some health issues and lives with her. Yes he's invited. "Well he didn't get an invitation!" "Okay. We sent one. If its not there in a week, let us know and we'll bring one over to him." Well...she's VERY annoyed that it hasn't come yet...not much we can do about that. We put it in the mail.

    2) Does she have a plus 1. Short answer, no. She's divorced. She's family and will know EVERYBODY there. She. is. pissed about this.

    3) And I think the reason she's pissed is because we sent her son's invitation to her house because he never gave us his address, and it says "and guest", but that's only because he also didn't tell us his girlfriend's name soooo..... sorry??

    • Reply
  • Janice
    Newbie August 2019 Ontario
    Janice ·
    • Dispute

    I had a similar question for my wedding, but I used Amanda's answer below to resolve the issue. I addressed the envelopes using the full names of the people being invited ie: Bob, Amanda and Pete Smith then wrote the number 3 on the following: "We have _3_ seats reserved for you so please rsvp by _date_" . This solves the problem where people assume they get to invite someone when you tell them you have 1 seat saved. So far no complaints. Thank you - Amanda

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  • Emily
    Frequent user August 2019 New Brunswick
    Emily ·
    • Dispute

    We sent out of invites and were all addressed to the person we were giving them too ( their names , with their SO names and kids names) if they aren't dating anyone we put + 1 on the envelope.


    One way that is helping us keep track is our RSVP cards had a section on them for them to fill out of how many people will be in their party when they come.


    - we haven't been picking on the +1s as we have planed for a small wedding. ( only 35 people with out the +1s and kids)

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    When questions arise about plus 1, you have indicated to whom it applies to and no turning back on your word because your limit is tight and can't afford to add on more guests. For the guests you have added a plus 1, let them bring their other half you have met and fine to have at your wedding. Relationships that have been broken and not have met the other half, decline if chosen because you're unsure if you don't know them as being a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

    Those without a plus 1 don't get exempted for not attending with a guest since you your guest list done and hall is limited to the fullest.

    • Reply
  • M
    Curious May 2019 British Columbia
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute

    We put the number of seats in the invitation. our "rule of thumb" was if the person was in a relationship for over a year, then they could bring a guest. we did have to make some expectations though (one cousin is in a long-term relationship, so we allowed her sister a guest). We told people from the beginning it was a small wedding, so we could default to that often (our guest list was really 135 people, but no one needs to know that!). A friend of ours assumed he would have a plus one, but we reminded him as we have a small venue, and big family, we wouldn't be able to entertain his special request until closer to the date.

    If you have given someone a plus one, I feel you should honour that, regardless if they break up (chances are they don't want to bring anyone anyway).


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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute

    I would just be honest with everyone. Explain that there are no "plus ones" and that the invitation is just to them. You don't even need to explain yourself, it's your choice not to give out plus ones to your guests (call me a little cut-throat, but it's not your fault for your guests being ignorant and not checking with you first regarding the plus one).

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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    View quoted message

    Since you haven't even sent your invites out you can actually include something on them. I've seen some people put on the invites "We have _ seats reserved for you so please rsvp by _" Then you just put 1 or 2 and the date. This solves the problem where people assume they get to invite someone when you tell them you have 1 seat saved. If there's any issues or complaints after that with family then I would for sure send my mom to deal as well. Putting it on the invite is a general, non confrontational way of saying "sorry it's just you - please don't bring randoms to my wedding"

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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute

    The only etiquette when it comes to this actually falls on the guest, not the couple. If an invitation is addressed to one name they are the only one invited. If the invitation is addressed to two names both of them are invited. If the invitation is addressed to a name and "and guest" they can bring a date. It's not rocket science but yet many people just can't seem to figure it out. Having said that, it's a huge issue for everyone. I am lucky that I have not had this issue, every single friend that I sent an invite to just them rsvp'd just them. I don't need tinder dates at my wedding.

    You're going to need to put your foot down and tell people you have limited space. There is no other way to deal with this. The best cases are the number 3's that are making comments about not knowing who their date is so this is the perfect opportunity for you to say "oh, so sorry if you misunderstood, but we only have a seat reserved for you anyways, so no worries about having to find a date".. it's the people who have already replied with a date that wasn't invited that is going to suck... but you have to be respectful as well and tell them asap. These people are making plans to come to your wedding so the sooner you let them know their guest cannot attend the better, especially if hotels are being booked and transportation arranged and things like that. The later you wait the more chance there will be people being upset (and rightfully so, it may throw a wrench in whatever planning they were doing)... like anything else awkward, it's best to rip the band aid off.

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    I think this is an issue we all worry about, so know that you are not alone. Yes to Tori's suggestion for the 3rd one. The first one when they rsvp 2 but no plus one was given then you have to contact them to say "hi, I noticed that you rsvp'd for yourself and a guest but unfortunately your invite was only addressed to you." For the 2nd one where they have broken up, you can wait to see how they rsvp either 1 or 2 or you can contact them to say i'm sorry you and _______ broke up, did you still plan on bringing a guest (since one was already included for them). If you start swapping out broken up plus ones for not included plus ones, there might not be an even trade, so someone will be like how come Sarah got to bring a date and I didn't .

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    • Dispute

    I agree with Tori on this one!

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    1) That's a tough one, but when push comes to shove you have to stick to your max. capacity! Think about how much more stress you would be under if you said yes to everybody and you are over capacity and have to call people to uninvite them!!

    2) Depends on a couple things. How are they RSVPing? Online, RSVP in the mail, email, call/text?

    Then, did they say they were bringing a 2nd person?

    3) That's when I get cheeky and sassy with a "Oh, no worries about that - you've only got one seat anyway so there wouldn't be room for anybody else!" and then laugh a little. (do this on the phone or in person of course.)

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  • Deziray
    Curious August 2019 Ontario
    Deziray ·
    • Dispute
    The one that urks me the most is the "I'm just not sure if I'll have a date yet" it's one thing to start dating someone and be dating them for a bit it's another to actively searching for a stranger to bring to a wedding. I would be more likely to make room if it's "I've started dating this person and was wondering if it would be alright if they came" as opposed to "I want to find someone to bring to your wedding"
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I agree with all of this!

    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute
    I’ve discussed this with my step mom and have a feeling I will have the same issue as you when our invites get sent out. When it comes to close family I have been a bit more lenient for the plus ones. Example, my uncle hasn’t been in a serious relationships in a couple years but still expects a plus one. This is something that I will have to talk to my dad about before the invites get sent out.


    So maybe having one of your parents talk to the person invited about the plus one situation. I find if it comes from someone other than the bride/ groom it could be received better.
    Like Candace has said, let them know you are limited on space and are waiting for other guests to confirm before you confirm a plus one. This would work for those new relationship people and those who just assume they have a plus one!
    • Reply
  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
    • Dispute
    We had to deal with all of these!
    1) my FH’s grandma did this. We told her that we could not guarantee a space for her plus one because we sent out 120 invites and our limit was 120. We told her that we were unaware of her relationship at the time of the invites being sent out. She totally understood and told her plus one that as of then he wasn’t able to come.
    2) our BM put us in this situation. We explained to him that our rule for plus ones was for the people in long term relationships and he understood. He then got into another relationship before our wedding so we let him keep the plus one since we had space.
    3)we just explained to them about how we had a full guest list and would have to let them know later but that we needed everyone who was invited to rsvp in the meantime so that we would could let people know about their plus ones
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