please Help! Asking for a cancellation fee unreasonable or not?

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Yes, the donation to a shelter was my idea, I thought of it based off someone’s answer, thats what I love about these discussion boards I was able to reassure myself that I wasn’t crazy for wanting to pay for everyone, my client was making me feel kinda like that was a stupid thing to do so I thought I would ask here and see what’s normal. That’s my concern, I have a lot of different guests who are quite flaky, they RSVP’d with things like we’ll definitely try and be there and stuff like that... SO I’m not sure what to do, if 30 out of 80 don’t show up thats a lot of waste. Everything is prepared from scratch, so it would be so wasteful, so if I could donate it I wont feel as horrified.

I agree with the group, asking your guests to pay will likely leave a sour taste in their mouth.


I would ask your caterer about last minute cancellations, and what can be done with leftovers. I think someone mentioned donation to a shelter and I love that idea! My office did that with our work BBQ because 20 people cancelled at the last minute and we had so much food.

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Thanks, I am also just feeling a lot of stress and anxiety with all thats coming up, with the wedding and tax season too, I always have my money ready for what I owe for income taxes and I have all the money I need for the wedding in my TFSA. I just was starting to feel overwhelmed and when my client brought it up I thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask other brides who are in my shoes what they think. I agree with them too, but I didn’t expect so many to be to disturbed by the question, lol. I’ll be okay I don’t know why I let strangers opinions get to me like that. I’m still crying a little, I finished a long tattoo and sat down to see all these comments and it made me feel like a terrible person for even having asked the question at all like it was wrong of me to think to ask this. Anyway I’m sure I’ll get over it.

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Yeah! Also I am sorry that you felt hurt and experienced negativity here in this discussion. This SHOULD be a safe place for you to ask questions!! Sometimes it's easy to forget there is a human on the other end and to reign it in. Best of luck with your wedding planning and house buying and all that is going on!

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That’s a good idea too, I wouldn’t have thought of that! My aunts and uncles have young children they would definitely appreciate some frozen dinners for hockey nights and stuff!

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That is a great idea! I have also heard you can ask the venue to pack the food up and then freeze it for meals later. Might be worth seeing if they can do that.

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Yes, thats a good point. I won’t be asking them to pay, but they are also informed not to bring any gifts! My fiancé has been out of work for a few months so It, not paying the whole wedding alone and it just scared me so when my client brought this up I thought I would ask here. But everyone is saying what I was thinking, but my client was looking at me like I was insane to be paying for everyone. So I was starting to second guess everything!

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Thank you for this, I was starting to think there was something horribly wrong with me for asking this question at all. It’s only because of my fiancé not working now and I’m alone paying for the wedding so all my downpayment money will be gone towards the wedding.. Which is scary as I have my own business so I also have to pay income taxes at the same time as all this. I was starting to feel really judged and hurt by a lot of women on this discussion it was brining on some really negative self talk. Thank you sincerely.

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Yeah that makes sense!

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Yeah, I’ll just have to live with the waste if that happens/ I have strict instructions for my guests to not give us any gifts or money. I just want them to be there with us and not have that food go to waste. I thought they’d be less flakey but I don’t wanna upset anyone so I am just going to leave it as is. I’ll bring the extra food to a homeless shelter, problem solved!

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Yes, this makes sense. I have strict instructions! I told everyone not to give us gifts so they won’t be sending anything. I just want them there with us, that’s what’s important to me.

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Yeah I thought so too, I was shocked when they told me that. One client was from Montreal and the other somewhere really deep in Quebec she says that 80% of weddings she’d been invited to she was asked to pay their plate and to send the money with the RSVP. I was lime what the hell, I’ve never heard of this lol.

Yes I have my own business and my fiancé was injured and cannot work since October so the wedding all falls on me now, that’s why I asked this question. Thanks for your help, I’m going to look into wedding day insurance. Thanks again for taking the time to help me!

Thanks for all the help ladies I have my solution now, I appreciate those of you who took the time to give your perspectives without putting me down and judging me for asking the question. I will look into wedding day insurance instead and donate the extra food! Thanks again for your help

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Yes that makes sense, and I can purchase wedding day insurance too worst case. Because I have a lot of flakes on my guest list I found out already the hard way lol

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Yes totally makes sense. It’s just something someone brought to my attention and I said I’ve never heard of this before so I thought I would ask you all here what you think so I know what to do. Thanks for your help.

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Oh, I might not have phrased it right lol, I don’t want anyone to prepay. And I haven’t done anything I thought this was a safe place to just ask others opinions. I was thinking the same thing but I wanted to know since it’s something that was brought up to me by my tattoo clients. I’m sorry if I somehow offended you with my question. You’re very lucky to have your FH helping you pay for the wedding! Unfortunately mine has been injured and cannot work so the wedding is all on me to pay now thats why I had this question. I’m fine to pay for it all but I’m my own business owner and thats my sole income and I have no support outside that, that’s my reason for asking this question... I’m very sorry again for upsetting you with this question though. I had no idea strangers would be so mad at me for a question, I didn’t even do it, I was under the impression that is what the discussion boards were for.

I’m not sure what reference to A list and B list means it’s irrelevant for no showing the wedding, I have no time to invite anyone from a B list once the wedding ceremony has already begun lol what did you mean by that? So I can understand better before I judge you and jump down your throat. I wasn’t going to ask them to pre-pay lol

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This makes sense thanks for taking the time to help!

I agree with the ladies - never heard of having to pay for my meal when going to any type of event someone is hosting. Regardless, no one is obligated to bring a gift to a wedding, shower, party, etc.


I think if you do ask your guests to pay, you’ll turn a lot of people off and get more no shows regardless and they definitely won’t send any money.
I’d ask your venue/caterer if they are willing to accommodate no shows but aside from that it’s a gamble, you may have to pay for no shows.

I would say your going to have to eat the cost of any cancellations or no shows. In my experience where guests have not been able to attend due to a death or bad weather and a lot of those times they still send a gift or card with money to the couple which essentially covers their “plate”. But you can’t force this on anyone.

Hey - this is a tough question to put out there, that can create some "strong" responses for sure. It is good that you asked though!

I have to agree with everyone below, this is not something you should do. If I received this as a guest, it would come across as rude and there being a focus on money. I have never heard of ever being asked to pre pay for a wedding dinner, ever. I totally agree that having to pay for no shows is gonna suck, but I think it is one of those things we just have to accept when we plan any event. It is frustrating and you want to take it out on the people who caused the loss, but sometimes things are just out of people's control. As well, I think when you choose to have a wedding, that is your choice, even if its financially stressful (and trust me I get this, we are paying this 110% ourselves and also in house buying mode) but again, this was entirely our choice. If we did not want to deal with the financial burden, then we would've eloped. I don't expect my guests to bare any responsibility for it, even if they turn around and no show. It is just not graceful.

That being said, hopefully guests in turn follow etiquette of providing gifts/monetary gifts that cover some of the dinner costs. Never a given, but usually works out in the end.

Sorry to be rude but ive NEVER been asked as a guest to a wedding to pay for my entire meal or pre pay if i dont show up. if someone is hosting a wedding the person hosting the wedding (you and ur FH) is expected to pay for EVERYTHING. people will provide you with gifts or a monetary gifts but they will only give what they want. you cannot ask people for a set amount. if i were invited to your wedding and expected to pay a figure before your wedding i wouldnt bother coming. i find this very rude and seems like you are out to make money off your guests and family. what normally happens is you have an A list for guests and a B list. if some people on the A list cant make it then you invite the B list people so you are not stuck paying for empty plates.

View quoted message All of this.


I would really, really advise against this.
Sure, it's irritating when people don't show up, but I don't think it is usually on a whim. I can't imagine fining my friends who had the bad luck to come down with the flu or don't want to risk their lives on the road because of a storm. As their friend, you shouldn't want them driving if they feel it's unsafe! I think I would seriously need to reconsider a friendship if I was treated that way.

Ask your caterers if they take into consideration "no shows" in their billing. There's a of percentage of guests that end up not coming, not sure what it is though. I thought there was no way in hell that would happen to us, and sure enough, we had 7 of our guests not show up when they RSVP'd yes.

I wouldn't contact your guests and say if they don't come you'll send them a bill. If I was a guest and got sent that message, it would put a really bad taste in my mouth.

Man, I don't know where these people are from - but I've never been or heard of a wedding where they ask guests to pay for their plates, most people nowadays are aware that parents aren't paying and it's on the couple getting married, and at the same time isn't it just common knowledge when attending a wedding to give enough presentation to cover the cost of the meal, drinks, and a little as a gift?

I would have loved to had guests who no-showed or cancelled be held responsible for their plates (as I had over a dozen...) but found that it would come off as rude or something. If they are good people they will still send a card (with money if they were raised right) but you do run the risk of them not doing this... had a couple of people like that too.... We just look at it like we are better than that and it's an unfortunate part of having a wedding.

It isn't wrong to pay fir all the guests. The one suggestion i would have made to the chef is to get all the count together and meals so they can prepare accordingly. Ask if thats possible to do and the remaining returned back. Get it in writing on the contract.
You wish to let your guests pay for their meals, do so upon your choice. I do understand the situation of parents not funding anything towards the wedding. They should pay for their meals too in that case. You two have funds to put towards your home.

I have never attended a wedding where the guest pays. Now there is the etiquette that the guest should provide a gift that is at least worth the value of their meal, but that’s not paying for it officially.
You’d probably get pushback from your guests about it, not to mention it’s not something that’s popular opinion. You’d be best not to ask your guests to pay.
Like Caitlyn said, you’ll have to pay for the rsvp amount regardless of who actually attends day of. Either way, it’s a gamble

I'm sorry, but I really don't think that you can ask your guests to pay for their dinner if they end up not being able to come to your wedding. We had a snow storm happen on our wedding day which caused 6 people who RSVPed yes to not be able to come. So yes, we were out over $600 for meals that no one ate, but we ate that cost and definitely wouldn't have wanted these guests driving to our wedding if they truly found the roads unsafe. Especially if weather is their reason for cancelling I think it's unfair to charge them for their plate as bad weather is no one's fault. Even for other excuses/ reasons for cancelling I think it could really ruffle some feathers and upset people if you ask them to pay for a meal that they didn't eat.