Planning a wedding while suffering with depression/anxiety

JenI just saw your post and hope you are doing well. The overwhelming feeling I have experienced has taken me from states of panic to fear to anxiety to crazy to calm. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I swear there were days that I just wanted to shut it all down. I don't think my FH understood how much it was all getting to me until i threw the invites out the window. problem solved! Well that felt damn good but didn't resolve anything and I don't recommend. Lucky I have an understanding and patient FH. What I came to realise tho, as always, Is that I'm a control freak and perfectionist. I'm also independent, self suffient and have made a good life for my self. My biggest thing... my whole life will change with marriage... moving to his town, leaving my awesome town and career, neighbourhood, friends and house. Going to a new, small town, with no friends, no house, or job. He has an apartment. A man cave. Gorgeous but still his cave, not ours. Need to pack house, work full time, look for new job and plan a wedding. My Best Friend is jealous and pulled out from wedding and away from me. Family members sick/old too. What got me so down (depressed) is a phase i think I had to go through; mourning. I'm giving up what i created all my life. I am no longer 2.. I'm now 2. Even my name. Who will i be or become cause i love me and sure don't want to lose her. Yup, it was the realization of all the loss/change that set me free. It's ok to be sad and okay to miss them. The depression is likely short term due to mourning what we are losing or struggling with. loss of a way of life or expectations is big. Go through the stages of death/grief and you be fine. Lol I was in denial forever until i decided to accept it and embrace change..

View quoted message That's some great advice 😊

Thank you ladies for all of your kind words on this post. It means a lot to me to have all of you here to support me. I talk to my fiancé about all of these things all the time but that's pretty much it. I'm not the type of person to go to somebody and spill these types of issues on them. I don't keep it bottled up, I just don't speak to others about it.

This passed weekend we went to visit the friend I was talking about. I haven't seen her in years but it was like nothing had changed. We picked right back up where we left off. It felt great and it was even better to see her and know that she is doing better than she was just a few weeks ago. She's still not 100%, but is on the mend.

My possible MOH and I still haven't talked our issues out. Her brothers wedding was this weekend that just went by so we are waiting to get together when her family leaves to talk about our issues. Hopefully we can resolve things.

As for my personal anxiety/depression issues.. I am very stubborn and will fight tooth and nail through this before needing to be put on medication. I know in my head there is a chemical imbalance that needs to be fixed but I will not resort to using medication until I know I absolutely can't do this on my own anymore. I've been going through depression since high school and have been able to take care of it since then.. I think I can keep going. I also think that sometimes I make things feel a lot worse than what they actually are. I have an amazing family that is supportive and there for me when I need them, a roof over my head, food, my dream car that I've wanted since I was a little girl, etc. It's that sometimes I let the sad moments happening in my life take over and blow them up to make them feel worse than they are. Losing my best friend would be devastating, however, our friendship hasn't been very great for years anyway so it may end up being a blessing in disguise.

I'm not one to be able to make friends very easily as I've been hurt a lot in my life, even by those who claimed to be my best friends since I was a child. Making girlfriends is the hardest. I instantly put up walls thinking that they're just going to turn into typical catty, dramatic girls so I usually pump the breaks right away when friendships start to bond. So, having a girls night really isn't something that I can do very easily lol

I also find that my job is taking a huge toll on me. I recently transferred to a new type of nursing and really do regret the decision I've made. The part that sucks even more is that because it's with a different union, I can't transfer back. So I'm out of luck. I'm trying to make the best of it but it hasn't been the easiest transition. I was promised a position that I didn't end up getting and now I'm stuck being a float nurse. If any of you are float nurses you KNOW how difficult it is to be able to understand the dynamics of the floors you're working on daily. You need to be able to get caught up to speed on every single thing thats happening for every single resident and be able to answer questions when/if they come your way from family members. It's exhausting. I now understand why they talked a lot about compassion burnout in school. It's a real thing. I'm hoping that with time and experience there that it will get easier or that I'll be able to get permanently onto one unit and not 12 different ones with 32 residents to each unit.

There is my little morning rant I guess lol Time to enjoy some coffee and my bath and body works "but first, coffee" candle and creep pinterest!

Jen.

So sorry that you are going through all this. I suffer from anxiety and i know what you mean when you say sometimes planning the wedding is overwhelming, add personal issues to the mix and I could barely get out of bed. I took a few days off work and used that time to relax. Also, try not to take on too much. Talk about how you feel and dont keep it bottled in. Hope this helps and Good Luck

I've been going thru the same thing. Just try not to take it on all by yourself. Get as much help as you can to do the things that need to happen. And take some time to for yourself to relax. Like taking a nice bath, or having a girls night out.

Hey Jen,

I am sorry that you are going through all of that. I can't speak to depression or anxiety really but I actually think that I do have anxiety since I started planning our wedding. Like some of the other people have said....some days are all about the wedding and you feel in the mood for it and other days you just cringe when people mention it. I find that if I start thinking about it this close (my wedding is in two weeks from today) that I can actually feel my blood pressure going up so I have to just not let myself go there and come back to thinking about it at another time. If there are other people around to talk to it about, it seems to keep me more calm as well. People asking me "are you getting excited, are you getting nervous, how is the planning going?" is really getting to me these days and I find that I don't really want to talk about it. In the end, I just focus on that I get to get married to my best friend and the love of my life and all the other stuff is just what it is. There will be so many elements of your wedding that will shine through even if everything doesn't go according to plan. My wedding is completely based on whether so if it is too cold out, we have to change everything last minute and move everything so I get pretty bad anxiety about that but what people have told me is that I have no control over that so that worrying is not going to do anything. Worrying means you suffer twice so just try not to if you can. I know that is harder said than done. If people offer to help - take it!!!!

Hi Jen, I think the most important thing for you to do is take breaks to take care of yourself. As a nurse, you care for so many, and your personality is one of caring for those in need. You can't help them all. People in your profession are prone to burn out, so you must find time to pamper yourself a little. Would you be able to see a counselor for a few sessions to talk about these issues that are weighing you down? I have visited professionals in the past to gain perspective on various situations both past and present. It was very valuable and I learned how to handle challenges. In addition, a visit to your doctor might also be beneficial. Let him/her know how you've been feeling. It's possible you may need some medication to get you through this.

Hi Jen. I hear you, of course, because you know I struggle too. Sometimes it doesn't even matter how much I'm dealing with, my mind just goes there. It's too much to deal with and I feel overwhelmed, struggle to keep my head above water. It gets hard, I get worried about how that's going to translate into the future. I worry that since I'm struggling today, I'll struggle tmr.. I'll struggle 3 months from now, 9 months from now. I'll struggle when I'm needed most. And sometimes not a lot makes me feel better.. or something that worked in the past, isn't working today. And I want to be able to handle all that's being thrown at me. and I feel like I know how and who I want to be, but this anxiety is hindering me. I can't be who I want to be because all I feel is worry. And anxiety feeds depression, which feeds my anxiety.
When I was in therapy, the goal was always to take care of yourself. Because the less anxious you feel, the more your problem solving skills can come to the forefront. You can start placing these anxious thoughts that feel so valid, in their proper spot in your head. I've always said my anxious voice tells me it's trying to protect me, that I should be worried about this because I don't want it to end up like this and hurt me. So it's hard to let that anxious voice go.
There's also an element of allowing yourself to be okay with feeling the things you feel, but it not debilitate you. It's okay to grieve the loss of your best friend, the loss of family members, the frustration with family, the compassion to your bridesmaid who's struggling. It's hard because we know what we feel can be normal, but it still feels like it's holding us back, or making us feel crappy, a lot of the time.
since it's been drilled in my head by my therapist now to take care of myself when I'm feeling any sort of "down" feeling; when I was feeling depressed, I would associate tea with feeling comforted. So I couldn't wait to come home and have a tea and watch my favorite show. Or I would drink tea ALL day at work and feel like I'm being soothed. Drinking this tea, knowing this feeling will eventually pass. And when I'm feeling anxious and can feel it tensing my body, make time during the week to go for a walk by myself. Let my thoughts drift in and out while moving and not having to focus on anything else.
I think doing whatever we associate with being comforted or soothed or what we enjoy, allows us to relax a little bit and let's our logic come into play for a bit, and lets our anxiety find it's proper home. I think that sometimes things that worked in the past, don't always work again and again, or different types of worry are rationalized by different behaviours. Not every thought or feeling is soothed by one behaviour. I think it's constantly revolving to find what works for us in different times. There's times with my husband that I need to communicate my feelings, unblamefully, which I struggle with. But there's times I need to just tell myself that he loves me, he's not out to get me, I can let this go. It's not black and white.
I also think it's okay to just feel how we're feeling sometimes. But how we help those feelings not take over us, is by allowing ration to come over us too. And how we do that is challenging our thoughts, doing things we enjoy, and breathing and exercise if we need extra tension left from our bodies.
And a lot of the time, just venting and being understood allows us to relax enough so that our own rational voice becomes apparent as well. Brings that feeling of feeling "normal" can be liberating. But sometimes finding a person to vent to that doesn't make u feel worse, who understands, and doesn't spend the whole time offering advice, is hard to find .
You know you can vent it out in more detail and deeper to me any time. Or to yourself if you ever journal. The answers are always inside us, finding them can be tricky.

I feel the same sometimes about talking about the wedding. Some days it's all wedding and some days if it's mentioned I cringe. I think you need to take a minute to breathe amd think. You have a lot going on and sometimes you just need to force yourself to take a break from it all. If nothing else it will help you to keep sane.

Oh Jen I am so so sorry to hear that you're going through this. That is all very stressful and disheartening for sure.

I'm not great with advice but I also deal with depression/anxiety, though I am not experiencing quite the amount of tribulations you are at the moment. I recently started going to therapy. I was only going once a month or once every two weeks for the past month but my therapist now wants me to go once a week. I have found this very helpful. It gives me a chance to vent and have someone validate how I'm feeling.

When you're depressed self-care is not at the top of your priority list but if you can, just taking a nice hot shower or relaxing bath can make a big difference. Do what you can with wedding planning but don't overdo it. I'm the same way right now. I'm 29 Days away and still have lots to do but I have just been pushing it all aside because I'm feeling so down and anxious. Try not to be too hard on yourself and just do what you can when you feel up to it.
Omg I'm so sorry this is so long! I'm sorry if this isn't very helpful but I will be thinking of you and I hope your situation gets a little better ❤

Hi Jen,

I am so sorry for everything that is happening in your life right now. I know when I start to get overwhelmed or stressed about wedding planning I take the time to step away from it and go and do something for me. My go to is having a long hot shower and doing a face mask. This relaxes me immediately and I feel less overwhelmed. I also rely on my FH when I start to feel stressed or overwhelmed with anything in life.

Maybe just finding something to do that makes you feel better once a day or once a week can help so much!

I hope you start to feel better soon and things start to brighten up!