Paying for bridesmaid beauty/rehersal dinner

That is outrageous! Everything I know about being a bridesmaid is that you buy your dress, shoes, nails, make-up and hair. It would be one thing if you were simply offering to pay for things but another that they expect you to.

The people in your wedding party seem to be asking an awful lot of you. When you agree to be in a wedding you agree to deal with the cost as well. Weddings I've been in, we paid for our own dresses and shoes, as well as hair and makeup. For all of my sister-in-law's weddings, we went together for Mani/pedis and WE paid for the bride as well as ourselves.
For our wedding, the bridesmaids paid for their own dresses. I am buying their shoes as their gift (as I decided we should all wear Birkenstocks!), and we will be going for mani/pedis 2 days before. They will all be paying for their own services. As for hair and makeup, I hired a professional and left it up to them if they wanted to use her or do their own, at their cost. I will be paying the tip for the hair and makeup artist.
Put your foot down and tell them they need to pay for some things. That's not fair to expect you to foot the bill. You and your FH have enough expenses to deal with.
Also, traditionally the groom's parents are responsible for paying for the rehearsal dinner. I'm shocked your FFIL backed out of his commitment to pay after all of that!

Michelle this is shocking. You have paid for WAY more than what is expected/necessary.

The dress and shoes are generally the bridesmaid's responsibility to pay for. That's part of the wedding party gig; they're agreeing to bear some of the costs like attire. I've heard mixed feelings on who is responsible to pay for hair and makeup, so if you have offered to pay for them all, that's amazing of you.

It's perfectly acceptable to let them know that they have to pay for their own food and drinks for the rehearsal dinner, especially considering how much you've paid for already. If they ask why, just let them know that you anticipated your father in-law paying, but he recently changed his mind, and its not within your financial means. lol, maybe I'm petty, but I'd be perfectly fine tossing FIL under the bus. Its crappy of him to change his mind.

If anybody in your wedding party doesn't like that they have to pay for themselves, they they don't have to come, and I think that would be pretty telling about how selfish and unreasonable they are considering they haven't had to really pay for anything.

I feel like most bridesmaids pay for their dresses/shoes regardless if the bride wants them to match - it's part of being a bridesmaid - there are certain expenses that should be expected. I feel like you've done more than enough in terms of paying their way.

You mentioned that the pros are hired, but your girls have the OPTION of getting professional hair and makeup. Since it's not mandatory, it's totally okay and expected for them to pay for it themselves. Some may opt-out if that's the case, but if you're fine with them DIYing/getting someone else to do it, let the ones who want to pay, pay.

For the rehearsal, I'm sorry to hear your FFIL is no longer willing to pay for dinner, especially when he said he would. I would go back to your original plan of going dutch at dinner. However, I would let people know that is the case so they can plan ahead.

Bad vibes can come off this time by asking your wedding party and FFIL to reconsider their decisions based on the fact that they will feel your going back on your word on them.

As a bride/groom, you have all the final decisions made and not told by anyone in the wedding party in the first place. This can create a conflict and anger by some of your wedding party. Since you have offered and done it all, leave it as it is.

The rehearsal dinner that was originally offered to be paid by the FFIL, whom has now decided to back out from paying for it all due to the number increase. You can compromise with him on basis he is comfortable with just family and not the wedding party, it can be a win win case for you and FFIL. The wedding party should be responsible for themselves at this point knowing you have taken care of them for the most part of the purchases.

I hope all goes well and they understand where you are stand with your decision.

I think everyone has made some good points and provided you with some solid advice, however, asking for money is going to come off rude. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask your bridal party to pitch in for the hair/makeup, but it might seem rude as opposed to giving them the option to get those services done (like you are with the nail appointment).

At the end of the day you need to be able to sleep well and if talking to your bridal party about the cost will help, totally do it. I probably would since I’m very “budget-oriented” and don’t really have room for anything more than what was planned.

Best of luck!

I know this is just going to sound like a broken record - but I agree with all of the previous comments on this post... You have gone above and beyond and if I were in your shoes I would tell them that with how much you've paid for - even paying for an extra dress that really should have been paid for by the Groomswoman.... they will have to pay for not only their supper (most people if not everybody should be fine with this), but their hair & makeup as well. It's part of accepting to be a BM! Sure, it's nice to keeps costs low - but at the end of the day they are suppose to be contributing.

I agree with Candace and Erin. This isn't okay and they have asked you to pay for everything. When your in wedding party you should be paying for it all yourself not the bride.

Yes, you need to get this under control now before it gets more crazy expensive for you. It's totally ok for you to say that since you paid for the dresses and shoes, that any beauty treatments will be at the expense of the bridesmaid/ groomswomen. It would be extremely rude of them to give you a hard time over this. As for the rehearsal dinner, you could send out like a facebook thing saying the dinner is at _______ restaurant and there is no set menu so each guest is responsible for their meal.

What Candace said!!
When asked to be in somebodys wedding party you have to anticipate costs.
I think it is beyond resonable for you to ask your bridesmaids to pay for at least their hair and makeup. It was lovely of you to pay for everything thus far but also completely unnecessary. I honestly don't fully understand why they would let you incure so much cost on their behalf.

Yikes. I'm not sure if things are done differently out west, but sounds a bit like you're being taken for a ride... I've never heard of the bride paying for all the bridesmaid dresses before unless she wants one that's way out of their price range! And as far as hair and makeup goes, you would be responsible for the cost only if you decide that your bridesmaids are REQUIRED to have them done professionally. If it's their choice to have them done, you can choose to cover one or the other or both in lieu of gifts but it's not your responsibility if they decide they want them done, even if you are the one to book the vendors. Whatever you decide, it's not worth putting yourselves in the hole to please everyone. Good luck!

I agree with Candace! You have paid for a lot. I am giving my girls the option to pick their own dress, just a specific colour. So I will pay for their hair and makeup.
As for the rehearsal dinner it is usually the grooms family that pays for it since the brides family helps out with the wedding. But if your FFIL is not paying, letting everyone know they have to pay for their own dinner should be no problem at all!

Wow, you have paid for way more than I ever would for them. Usually it is expected that the bridesmaids pay for their own dress, this is something they agree to when they agree to be in the bridal party. I offered to pay for my girls' hair because I wanted this done but if they wanted their makeup done I asked that they pay for that. Most of them had anticipated paying for their own hair and makeup so they are paying for both of these. Part of agreeing to be in the wedding party is accepting the cost of it as well.

If you are you are paying for everything else then I would say it is more than fair that they pay for their own dinner. I think you can just honestly tell them that you have already paid for so much for them that you can't pay for anything else. They should understand.