Parent dances

I feel like asking someone else you be a slap in the face to him. plus I'd prefer to do as few dances as possible lol

Hi Valerie, I'm so happy you're bringing this up! Family situations can be tricky... What I could suggest is to do a cute dance that's more general without naming it father/daughter or mother/son dance, so everyone can dance with who they want. That way your FH could ask his mother to dance and you could ask someone you feel comfortable dancing with to dance with you. Are there other family members or friends you could dance with?

I think I might have to have a sit down with my dad and see what he thinks

Yeah I agree that it depends on their relationship whether or not you want to "share" the dance. But you could do a dance with each of them! (You don't have to use the full song either. I think we did about 60-90 seconds for each dance so people weren't having to watch us dance for like 15 minutes.) That's definitely very thoughtful that you want to include them both! I also love your idea of having your dad dance with your little sister too!

Valerie, I think you could definitely do one without the other! My dad was not invited to my wedding so I thought I wasn't going to do a dance at all but I decided to ask my "uncle" (close family friend) who's really been there for my family instead. It worked out really well and he loved it because they don't have any kids of their own so he never thought he would get to do a "father-daughter" type dance!

In the end, I think people appreciate the things that make a wedding personal and unique so make it how you want and don't worry about what other people will think! The good ones will like it and appreciate and if there are other ones, you'll be in wedding bliss so you won't notice or care!

You are welcome Valerie, anytime!

My dad and my step dad are good, I dont want to upset my dad, but i also dont want to have a million dances either .. its a very tough decision

Oh that would be a good one, but no unity candle for us.

Are you doing unity candles? You could have her light the one that represents his family... Small role easily replaceable if she flakes.

That sounds like the most delicate way to do it...if there is a delicate way at all.

I haven't talked to my dad about it yet... it's always hard to bring up stuff you DON'T want to do. I tend to avoid all wedding talk with him based on some drama we're still both not over after FH first proposed. So I'm definitely waiting until the new year to mention anything (I haven't asked my mom and dad if they'll both walk me down the aisle yet either). But it's so much easier to ask them to be included in things then say... oh hey and I DON'T want to do this.

It is tricky with you FMIL being unpredicatble. Certainly adds a complication to the whole thing.

You can of course go ahead and just do what you please! I totally understand not wanting to hurt feelings inentionally, but staying true to reality. have you and your dad discussed not doing the dance?

Family stuff is complicated!

Thanks Simone

I honesty don't think it is weird as your guest and family are usually understand depending on how close of a relationship they have with you. I'm not having a father-daughter dance as I have no relationship with my father. I think you should go with what you are comfortable with.

I would just hate for my dad to overhear a comment or worry about what his family will think. I mean we're not close but I don't HATE him and just have no interest in dancing with him!

Ya.. I think the major determining factor will be if she's taking meds by then or not. She's far too unreliable currently to have a role that she needs to interact with all my guests for. Maybe we'll just do the darn dance and forget what people think about it!

Hmmmm... that's a tough one. How is your dad with your step dad? If he's ok with him, your dad will probably be sad that he has to share you and this special moment, but hopefully would understand. I'd say maybe have a dance with the separately, but then you might end up having too many dances that your guests have to sit through.

A question I am asking myself now is... would it be approriate to ask my dad to share his father daughter dance with me with my Step Dad???

My Dad and I would dance the first half of our song then I would dance with my Step Dad for the rest .. and meanwhile I thought my Dad could ask my little sister to dance who is also one of my BMs ... but I am wrestling with the fact of is this an ok thing to ask of him .... or will be be offended ?

I think you guests might notice and be like "hum, that is odd"- but I don't think it would be truly alarming. SOme might not even notice at all. I don't think it will be a big deal either way.

If you would rather not, just to avoid questions (although, really, anyone who asks needs a lesson in manners), I think Natasha's idea for a reading is good.

If you think a reading might be a bit heavy to rely on FMIL for you could ask her to help people to find their place on the seating chart and cover making sure people sign the guestbook? Or could she announce your first dance as a couple?

Its your day... and everyones wedding is different ... I am having a father daugther dance... my FH is having his mother son dance but then I am also doing another special mother son dance with my son .... everyone has their own little twists that make their wedding unique to them ... and if half way through your FH dance with his mom they ask any other mother and son pairs to join in .. it may make it less awkward ?

Ya, she's not exactly... reliable. Plus her vision is MUCH different than mine, and she would absolutely not respect how I want things.

Readings get a bit difficult because she's a "writter" (I use the term loosely... it's a long story but she has some "books" on Amazon which are just quotes from other people and pictures she pretty much stole on the internet and now thinks she's a writter) and I KNOW she would insist on picking the reading herself, and I just want a nice short ceremony. UGH, if only it could be simple!

So you don't think just having the one dance would look weird to everyone? Like I intentionally left my dad out?

I dont think it is weird at all to just do one dance, but if you are feeling so many your FMIL could do a reading during your ceremony (to make her feel included)? I am trying to make my Step mom feel included in my wedding day so i am asking her to help with coordination of the day .... but that might be a bigger task then you want to ask of your FMIL

Ya I'm not expecting anyone to do a speech... my MOH asked if I wanted her to do one and I was like NO, you don't have to do anything. It feels weird asking people if they want to do a speech to me! Haha

Guess we will both have to see what the fine minds of the community think on this matter

I feel your struggle Valerie, I'm the same way.

I am wondering if I will even be doing a father-daughter dance.

My dad has already told me straight up he will not be doing a speech which I expected as he DOES NOT like public speaking

I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't like, so I have the same question as you, is it weird to have a mother and son dance and not father and daughter one?