Hey all! My wedding is less than 6 months away and I still haven't decided on whether I'm keeping my last name, hyphenating or taking my FH. I originally was going to take his last name and have my last name changed to my middle name. But as I get closer to the day I think I'm getting more anxious about not having my last name which I'm proud of / feeling like a small part of my will be lost. I know my FH will be okay with whatever I choose. Does anyone have any advice on the process of name changing or has anyone else felt like this?
This isn’t really advice, more like something to think about for the future. My fiancé and I have two children together and we decided that they would only take his last name. A few weeks ago a friend of mine and I decided that we were going to take a weekend trip across the boarder with our children (one last little vacay before school). In the process of getting everything organized I found out that I needed a letter from my fiancé (who was not coming with me) giving me permission to take our children across the boarder. There have been other little things that we have come across that would have been easier if I had the same last name. If you don’t mind going the long way around as they say to get the same outcome then it may not affect your decision in taking you FH’s last name or not or even hyphenating.
Yeah I think so. I'm just going to see what the options are when I go to do it. If it works out or not I'll update the post with the results Thank you!
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My understanding is that what you want to do is far more complicated. In Ontario one can assume a last name. One's birth certificate stays the same, you are just using a different last name. But if you dont want to hyphenate, I think one of those surnames would be seen as a middle name (as you can only have one surname) and that requires a legal name change. That is expensive. A legal name change also means your birth certificate is changed, as though you were born with your new name.
I decided to take his last name which is already hyphenated.. *Mora-Olguin* so I decided to go from "Janaya Casidy Coles" to "Janaya Mora-Olguin" I am ditching my middle name to make it easier. for myself though I have always wanted my mans last name and I NEVER had any sort of attachment to my maiden name. in facet I couldn't be happier to ditch it lol, however with you, You did say that you weren't sure if you wanted to get rid of your last name because it truly is part of who you are. I would listen to that instinct and like others have said, if you ever do change your mind you can always change your name
Okay I also need help with this!! My main concern is the legal side because there's not a ton of info on governent sites unless you are going the traditional route of taking their last name and dropping yours. Personally, I want to keep my last name and add his WITHOUT hyphenating. Two stand alone names. But I just don't know how this works??? I am located in Ontario.
I want to keep my name but I also want to have the same name to feel more like our own family unit. It's odd too because he is the only one in his family with that last name, so there isn't really any heritage tying us to it (when he was born his parents gave him an altered version of his dad's last name). The reason I want that name as well though, is because it feels like we get to start our own story, with our own name. How many people get the chance to do that nowadays?
I JUST had this conversation 30 minutes ago! I’m getting married in 4 and a 1/2 months and I’m taking his last name. I was going to hyphenate but I figure that I want the same last name as my children so I will be taking his
I hyphenated even though I always swore I would never do that. I initially planned to take his name but I wanted to use my name professionally and I have my degrees, professional license and publications in my maiden name. Hyphenating made sense because I can still be Dr. maidenname at work and go by his name socially. Still looks stupid on the driver’s license though.
Like others have said totally up to you! I personally dont really want to, Im proud of mine and in my soon to be field of works i want to be recognized for who I have always been but I know he would appreciate it. So our compromise is that if we decide to have kids (we are on the fence about this) I will change it then! For practicality reasons mostly.
I don't really have advice.. this is something that is completely your decision. I always imagined I would take my partner's name.. one of the few traditions I've liked so it wasn't really a decision I had to make and I truly haven't given it another thought. if you are having anxiety about the change you may want to listen to that... and just think.. if you don't change it now it doesn't mean you never can!! You can make the change down the road or if you guys decide to have kids and you all want the same name you can change it then... Not necessarily a decision you need to make before the wedding.. especially if it's stressing you out.
I know how you feel! I am on the fence as well. At first I was gung ho about taking my FH last name, but as my wedding day comes closer I’m feeling super emotional about losing my last name. It’s unique and has been with me for 31 years. I’m debating making my maiden name my middle name.
Good luck with whatever you choose. It’ll be right for you.
I am torn like you. I have had and been proud of my last name for 46 Years. I was married before and I did not take his name at all. I'm so happy I made that decision! With my Wedding just over a month away, I'm thinking about it more and more. My FH says he'll support whatever makes me happy. I think his Mom might flip. I am leaning more towards adding his last name. No hyphen.
I will be changing my last name to his...It is something I always knew I would do, though it is a bit sad though because my last name will no longer carry on- my Dad was the last boy in that line of the family and he didn't have any sons, so when he goes it goes :/
Though if we have a girl I was thinking of incorporating it into her middle name to sort of keep it going that way
I know how you feel, I am the same. I would be proud to carry his last name, but mine is rare and unique, and I am proud of my Polish heritage as well. Luckily (iñ my case) I don't have the option to choose. I live in Quebec so I am forced to keep my maiden name, which makes it easier for me haha.
I guess I’m old fashioned and think the girl should take the mans last name. Even thought it is sad and weird to get rid of my last name I’m looking forward to us and our kids all having the same family name.
I cannot wait to change my last name! I've always wanted to change it to my future husband's name. Also, growing up being a Coles wasn't something to really be proud of. My older brother and my dad made a lot of bad decisions and myself having that same last name has left me in the group of "people you don't want to mess with, or people you don't want to associate with" unfortunately.. So! now I am super excited to be Mrs Mora.
He however does have his last name as Mora-Olguin but i'm going to see if he would be comfortable changing it to just Mora, which is his dads last name. Same as Tori, I don't want my kids to have to worry about all of that and especially when they get married as well. its much easier to just have one last name.
I'm not changing my name. This has been my name for 30 years, it's part of who I am and it's my daughters last name. It upset my future husband at first but I said if it's THAT importance for us to have the same name he could change his. So he is actually hyphenating his lady name with mine.
I'm personally not changing my name and just keeping my last name. My first name and his last name just don't sound well together and I'm very attached to my last name. I have no problem with people assuming that I took his name and calling me by it. If its something that bothers me more once we have kids I can always look into changing it then. I also just don't want to go through the long and expensive process of a name change in order to hypenate.
We're combining both our last names to create a new name for ourselves - that way no one's name is really 'lost'. We're not hyphenating either, I'm like Tori and hate hyphenated names since, when does it stop?!
We will have to both go through a legal name change, which will be a pain in the butt but it's what we want!
Definitely go with what you're comfortable with! Just remember, this is your decision and you have to be 100% happy with it! If you feel you're more comfortable keeping your last name then do that! But if part of you still wants your fiance's last name then I'd suggest hyphenating it. I believe if you love youra to your middle that's a whole different process. That goes on your birth certificate and everywhere, whereas having his or hyphenating is not like that. I personally am changing mine, I always knew I wanted to. Yes I'm sad I'm not going to have that last name anymore, the name I was born with and grew up with but my future husband and my son have one last name and all our other future children will too so I want that. It's my new family, my new chapter and that makes it perfect for me.
Like Tori said it is all personal preference. I also grew up knowing I would change my last name. I guess I’ve never really struggled with it. It does make it easier for when you have children to all have the same last name etc. If your last name and his sound great hyphenated then go for it!
I mean... it's all about what you are more comfortable with - but here are the reasons why I will be changing my last name and what my FH is doing with his.
1. I grew up knowing that I would change my name so it just seems like something that was bound to happen eventually
2. My current last name is Kamfoly... I mean it's who I am and I love my last name, but the last name I will be taking is Doll
3. I want to have the same last name as our future children. To me, I've always hated hyphenated names because in my mind I would always thing - make up your dang mind people!! It's just a name after all! And also, when does the hyphenating stop?? If I hyphenate and then our kids hyphenate with their parters, and then their kids..... etc. Eventually a name will die out anyway.
My FH last name isn't currently Doll - right now he actually has his mother's maiden name. He will be changing it to his Dad's last name and moving his current last name into a middle name position. This was a compromise for his Mom otherwise he would have just dropped it. He has always gone by this name, but it doesn't mean anything to him (it's his biological maternal grandfathers last name who he has never even met - he left his grandmother when his mom was a kid).