Cynthia
Newbie September 2021 Quebec

My fiancé never wants to talk about wedding

Cynthia, on July 8, 2021 at 00:24 Posted in Before the wedding 0 13
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My FH never wants to talk about the wedding. We had so much issues for 1 year just planning it that I gave up many times… and recently he told me he was ready… so i started planning for a wedding in 2 months and a half. Now when I try talking about it, he tells me I talk about it too much and that’s annoying. The thing is that we haven’t even decided on the venue yet. I am not asking to look at the small details but the most important at least to show me some interest. I do t think he understands how much planning a wedding requires…

13 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on July 26, 2021 at 10:42
  • Megan
    Frequent user July 2023 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    That takes a lot of courage - wishing you all the best!

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  • Stacey TC
    Featured August 2022 Saskatchewan
    Stacey TC ·
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    Thanks for the update. Please take care and you have support here if you need it.
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  • Cynthia
    Newbie September 2021 Quebec
    Cynthia ·
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    Thank you all for sharing your thoughts/opinion. I really appreciate your help ladies. I put a hold on the wedding, took a step back and reflecting on the relationship. God bless all of you. Cheers!
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    There needs to be a discussion about him being ready as for what? Him wanting to marry you, yet the marriage is all about you and not him? Does he take on his responsibilities of the share and input when you want rather than leaving you to hang alone with no answers. There are two wave links not connecting at some point since the issues started as you stated and not gotten anywhere with the planning either. Before taking any steps of venue searching, really ask him to know if he does love you and if this means anything to him from his heart. I see your really sincere and strong of an individual, yet drawn away when you want to talk about major decisions about the wedding. Annoying is not what you want to hear as to the topic, it should reflect on how he feels too. A serious discussion is needed and he needs to find where his heart lies about marriage with you to know the truth. I too started with troubling issues when I moved in with my fiancé back in 2014 and worked on his behaviour and attitude, which has improved in many ways along with his communication. The new battles are his adventures and not putting the focus on where we need to work out the home project details and get things to get it done.
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  • Stacey TC
    Featured August 2022 Saskatchewan
    Stacey TC ·
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    I really hope she evaluates what's going on. My future SIL was in a similar situation a few years ago. They ended up getting married, she moved across the country to be with him and wanted her to move to Europe so he could do his masters. She asked him to consider one of the 3 programs in Canada because she wouldn't be able to work. There were on going communication and gaslighting issues. One day she came home from work and he had packed up some things and moved out and left a note pretty much blaming everything on her. She developed major PTSD, and trust issues.
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  • Megan
    Frequent user July 2023 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    I totally agree. There is a big difference between just not being interested in the fluff and the details of the wedding and literally not wanting to hear one word about it.

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  • Stacey TC
    Featured August 2022 Saskatchewan
    Stacey TC ·
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    I know this isn't the advice you are looking for, but both your topics seem to do with different expectations, communications issues.

    These are raising some major red flags and I would discuss this seriously and quickly. Are you getting married for the right reasons, are you ready to deal with this kind of push back/communication issues for the rest of your lives? If he's saying talking about the wedding is "annoying" that to me seems like it's not important to him. Even if it's not his thing, he should at least be excited to hear about the day that is joining the two of you in marriage.

    I don't know anything about your relationship but if this were happening to me and my wedding was less than 3 months away, it would make me doubt continuing with the wedding. It may seem harsh but you need to seriously evaluate if you are ready to be married to this person, not just have a wedding but a marriage.

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  • Tracy
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Tracy ·
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    Yes this can be very frustrating. I've been dealing with it too. What I did was give him choices on the important things for him to help me decide. Venue, pick 3 that you love and are available. Then go to him with the options and have him choose his favourite. Planning is stressful enough to not have your partner's input. I found this was a good solution. Limit the info you give him to the basics. I put a binder together with photos of what I liked. When he was in a good talkative mood I opened it, pen in hand. Anything he said that was nice I circled/put a star by it. Helped a lot in opening communication, not saying that I still don't annoy him with all the talk lol. Be patient and forgiving. My fiance just wants to marry me, the details are not important to him. Good luck.

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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha ·
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    Hello Cynthia,
    Sorry that you’re going through that. That would be very frustrating situation to be in. Does your FH wants to have inputs on the wedding? I would say that you can ask him that question on if he has expectations or would like to provide inputs. Because for my parents wedding, my dad left it up to my mum, he was just assisting in choosing colours and patterns while my mum just showed him. I really hope that you two are able to sit down and ask what kind of expectations or inputs he would like to talk about or add to.

    I really hope this works out for you two. 💕
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    It sounds like you aren't on the same page at all. What conversations about your wedding/marriage did the two of you have before getting engaged? Is it possible he doesn't want a wedding and would rather do an elopement? Or does he have reservations about covid?

    If he just flat out refuses to discuss the wedding then that's obviously a huge red flag, but there's probably a reason he doesn't want to talk about it.

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  • Eden
    Frequent user August 2021 British Columbia
    Eden ·
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    "He tells me I talk about it too much and that’s annoying"

    Honestly this probably isn't what you want to hear but that would be a pretty big red flag for me. Relationships need to have open communication. Does he want you to plan everything and he just shows up on the big day? Planning an entire wedding in only 2 months is not a lot of time, and it's understandable you would want his input. I agree you need to sit his ass down and have a frank conversation where he either agrees to be at least somewhat involved (or at least willing to listen), or putting off the wedding until he is ready.

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  • Megan
    Frequent user July 2023 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    That's super frustrating. If your plan is to get married this September you need to figure stuff out ASAP. I would have a frank conversation about this with him - you don't really have time at this point to take a gentle approach lol.

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Is there a difference in expectations? For example, are you wanting a wedding with a guest size and budget that's different from what he wants?
    I hope it's not one of those situations where he thinks a ring should be enough because I know people who think putting a ring on a finger should shut their partners up and have no intention of actually going through with the marriage.
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