I need advice from an outside source!
I have a total of 6 bridesmaids, two of them is a MOH (well Matron Of Honor). There is one bridesmaid I didnt ask to be a MOH, I didn't ask her to be one because she tells me over and over again, how busy she is and point blank our friendship has distanced from each other. She is a very hard person to understand and get along with at times, and I didn't want to put any type of pressure on her to put a gathering together or make any speeches or if i needed her to do anything she wouldn't be stressed out. We have been friends for 12 years now. She used to live in the same state with me, shoot she was my next door neighbor, than she moved in 2013 out of state. I was extremely happy for her, to set off to be successful and chase her dreams. We used to talk at least once a week or every other week. Well last year I got engaged, and she is one of the first people I called with my exciting news. She lives in a location that is 3 hours ahead, I knew she was sleeping but i was excited to tell her. A few months went by after the engagement and I was putting my gift together for my bridesmaid asking them to be in my wedding.
She lives where my fiance family lives, so for Christmas I told her weeks in advance to see if she can get a day off from work so we can meet up hang out and catch up , also because I really wanted to ask her in person to be a bridesmaid. The time came to ask her, she never took the day off and we met up late that evening for dinner. I still was excited to ask her (side note she just broke up in a really bad relationship) so I was trying to be very mindful of her situation. We went to dinner only talk for about an hour and I asked her, of course she said yes. I did tell her, I know your probably questioning why I didnt make you a MOH, I told her straight up, it is not because i dont value our friendship, but I didnt want to put no stress on you if I need anything done, or to put my party together or shower. She drove me back to my future in-laws house. I asked her to come in, but she said she was tired and went home.
This was in December, I returned back home early January I called her as I always do just to catch up with her, she didn't return my phone calls, and I let it go because I knew she had two jobs and she was stressed out about her break-up so I gave her time to heal. I really never talked about the wedding to her because I didnt want to be that person always talking about the wedding and I know she isnt to big into that stuff.
Our mutual friend is one of my maid of honors, and I started to notice that my other bridesmaid would return her phone calls and text messages, but when I called I would get nothing back. I tried not to think to much into it, but started to get to me. So all of January I didnt really hear from her and when I did it was very short, because she was always busy or to tired to talk on the phone, and I heard that she felt some type of way that I didnt make her a MOH. So called her to address it because I didnt want no drama, and I thought we already talked about it. She told me again she wasn't thinking anything like that and she was fine. Well March comes around, still not much engagement and my birthday was coming up. She finally called me (very late) to wish me a happy birthday. I asked her if everything was ok, i haven't really heard from you... same response i am just busy and i am fine. Nothing more.
Our mutual friend and I would link up almost every Saturday (because we workout together) and she would be the person to give me update on our friends life, like she got a new promotion from her job, she is traveling to over seas she met a new guy. I felt sad, because here I am giving her, her space, still shooting text messages to her to see how she is doing and wanting to catch up, but I notice she was making time for our friend to catch up with her but avoiding my phone calls. June comes around, and my step daughter comes for the summers to stay with us. My friend was admitted to the hospital because of stomach issues, our mutual friend called me to tell me. So of course I called her personally to see how she was doing and I would get short responses " I am fine, thanks" I texted her to see how she is doing and sorry for not calling as much, because I have too been busy, she response its fine.
I know her family reunion was coming up at the beginning of August, and I was heading out of town around that time for a summer vacation. I had a day in between to see faces with her. So I texted her (since she doesn't answer my phone calls anymore) seeing if she wanted to get together catch up, look at wedding dress together just so she can also feel involved for this wedding too. I got a text message ok. Well texted her the time, date and location of the place. I told her in the text I feel we barely even talk anymore than I missed her and I cant wait to catch up. Nothing back. So a few days before the dress appointment I reached out to get again and asked if that time works for her ( I called her all week to to check, no returned phone call back) I only got a text ok, but thought I was doing to much because later that evening I was flying out of town. I Told her i will be fine and I wanted to see her. Nothing back. I expressed my feelings to her on how I felt bout us not talking as much and that I cant wait to catch up with her, because there was not response back I figured she would hit me when she gets in town likes she always does because she is busy. Well the day comes for the dress appointment I made for both of us to link up, I waited around for her phone call (I didn't want to blow her up or seemed to pushy. Well didn't get a phone call or text that she wasn't going to make it. So i flew out of town, When I landed I was very hurt because I saw on FB that she meet up with our mutual friend and some other people to catch up with them. So I first called, her went straight to voicemail, so than I sent her a long text, asking if I have done something for her to ignore me, and that I know she inst to busy because she stays in contact with other people. I also address the MOH topice in the text apologizing to her again, if I have maid her feel not special. to me. I told her I wanted to catch up with her not just for the wedding talk but to see how she is doing and whats new with her, I wasnt trying to cause drama but obviously I was in my feelings. She finally responded to me said "I can assume what ever I want to think of why I think she is upset with me and that she is attending a family event and she didnt want to go back and fourth with me at all, also added that phone goes both ways, and if she saw this message while I was in town than we would met up in person address this topic. I texted her back, stating I have called her, you dont call me back and barely even text me back. I told her I wanted to just make sure were on the same pages, I wasn't trying to beef with her, but to be real with me if she has an issue. She replied back saying, when she flys back home she will diffidently call me so we can hear each other out. This was almost 3 weeks ago now. Since than I have seen her on social media, hanging out with her new friends and liking our mutual friends post, but nothing from her. I am waiting it out to see if she even cares enough to call me and patch it up.
My issue is that I asked her to be a bridesmaid, but now I dont even think I really want her to be one, I just dont know how to address this anymore.
