Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Veronique
Curious September 2018 Alberta

Mother of the Groom - special part

Veronique, on May 23, 2018 at 13:38 Posted in Wedding ceremony 0 24

Hello!
I have a bit of a headache at the moment with my wedding planning. My mother in law to be, she's a piece of work at the best of times; we just finished a 4 month stint of not talking because she decided to say i didn't invite her to the bridal show i went to (i did, twice) so she cut me out and they weren't coming to the wedding etc. she wasn't visiting if i was around yada yada...

Issue at hand: From the beginning - I had my bridal party all picked out, my MOH then decided she no longer wanted to be in the wedding party because "she's a mother first" which i totally understand, but so was i the year prior when i was her MOH and I did EVERYTHING for her and I hadn't asked anyone to lift a finger for mine as i am a do it yourself kind of person, so i wasn't taking away from time with her child, I even bought their dresses, anyways, besides the point - another day another headache.

So i moved up the bridesmaid i should have made my MOH in the first place and was short a bridesmaid, I don't have much in the world of close friends because I don't like drama so i was contemplating having my mother be a bridesmaid instead of walking me down the aisle with my dad (step dad). At coffee with my mother in law to be she had mentioned how i should have my mom do it, and I agreed and said I was already planning to ask her. So i asked my mom and she was over the moon - great, all is good now. Well... now, my mother in law to be says to my Fiancé and I quote "Brian and I want a special part in the wedding too because Nikki's mom is a bridesmaid and her dad is walking her down the aisle".

Our son is going to be a Junior Groomsmen, and would be walking by himself - I could have them walk with him? What are your thoughts??

*Adding the fact that we are paying for this wedding on our own just in case anyone is wondering- Re: Mother in law situation

24 Comments

Latest activity by Erin, on May 25, 2018 at 10:50
  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Yikes! Isn't it enough that she's the Mother of the Groom? Sounds like a piece of work! What does your fiance think about all this?

    My fiance's mother is a bit of a piece of work too. Thankfully, he's well aware of that fact and straight up told me to do my own thing and he would deal with his mother if she didn't like anything. She won't be contributing anything money-wise, anyway, so it's not like she gets much sway, and so far she's been great, but I know something could go down at any minute if there's something going on she doesn't like...

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this! Hopefully she's not too much of a drama queen the day of!

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Hopefully she's happy with that and will be civil with you!

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Agreed. It’s horrible. I have asked and she will walk my son down the aisle but will not be reading she said, so I’m happy Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    People are the worst, especially when it comes to an event that's not about them, but they try to make it that way. I agree with others, let her walk with your son and offer to let her do a reading, even if she declines.

    I definitely skipped out on the MIL drama, mine is out of my FH's life and the rest of his family, but she does have a habit appearing into his life every now and then. I may eventually have to deal with her, but it's been pretty quiet so far, fingers crossed.

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    I think i will keep my head high and if any more drama happens, at least i can say it wasn't me. lol, thank you for your help!

    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Most definitely. It's so sad because it's supposed to feel like such a special time. I hope everything gets better for you!

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Oi vey.

    I know exactly how you feel.

    I'd offer the reading, because then its on them if they decline.

    Are they doing a speech at the reception as well? Those are probably two of the easier ways to involve them/her.


    I think walking your son, or your fiance down the aisle (for example, to start the ceremony at ours, the pre-ceremony will turn off, groomsmen will ask guests to sit, they stand at front, Groom walks his mum down the aisle seats her, then the ceremony music starts with the bridesmaids walking).

    I also am not sure if you're doing a mother-son dance as well?

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Oy vey! that's stressful. I am so sorry.

    if you are comfortable. all you can do is offer.

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    She wants nothing to do with reading anything, she doesn't want to wear a dress, she doesn't want to dress up too much etc.. so i think i will stick with the walking as that's probably all they will be comfortable with, i will offer a reading too, but i know they will decline that.

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Thank you Marcia Smiley smile I think I will have them walk our son down the aisle

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    That stinks when a MIL does that kind of stuff. I've gotten frustrated a few times with mine so far. but the one thing I try and step back and think of is that weddings are hard for moms of boys as they generally aren't as involved as the bride's parents. and they are excited for the big day too (some aren't..i get that too).
    as much as my MIL makes me roll my eyes. I want to find a way to include her because I know she is excited. I don't see the harm in them walking with your son. you could even have her do a reading. there are lots of options.
    deep breath. it will be ok!

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    You've got a point there!

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Totally worth a shot! thank you!

    • Reply
  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Hi Veronique, sorry to hear your going through all this wedding planning drama. For some reason weddings tend to bring the worst out of people and some how it becomes about them and not you. Keep your head up in the process and always remember its your day and you can't please everyone. The most important persons in this equation is you and your future hubby Smiley smile. If you wanted to be inclusive too your future mother-in-law it wouldn't be a bad idea if they walked down with your son. It would look very cute, and they would feel included. But it is your day, and since you're footing the bill it should go the way you want it too. I would also suggest getting your fiance to talk to his parents maybe that might help. I can see how all the situations and drama can become very stressful, stay positive and everything will work out. Happy Planning! Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Breanne
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Breanne ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    I think it sounds like a good solution to have them walk him down. My advice would be, as much as it may kill you (I know it would kill me anyways to be mushy to that woman), make it seem like them walking your son down is a huge deal and you'd be honoured if they would do it, there's no one you would rather have stand with him yada yada yada... It's definitely special but bet if you go a little overboard on how much it would mean to you she will be satisfied with her "part". Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Yeah she sounds like she can never be satisfied.. luckily when my fiance's family..well mom and aunt... put in their unnecessary comments and such they get shut down by him before I can even do anything. So all I can say is..ignore her. I do it, if it's a constant thing I just ignore it. Idk if she will get think hint but work a shot? Goodluck!!!
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Sounds like she will create drama and make it all about her no matter what you do. I think it would be nice if they walked your son down the aisle for sure.

    • Reply
  • Lucy
    Frequent user July 2019 Ontario
    Lucy ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    Sounds like she's going to stir up drama whatever you decide so I'd do whatever you want! I'm sure she'll just find something else to complain about if you decide to include them.
    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Yeah, its like its an unintended marriage course, here's this problem and this one and oh this one too, lets see how you handle those. I've talked to him and he is non confrontational when it comes to his parents. I think maybe I will ask them to walk him down the aisle, I just hope that is enough for them, because as cute and as special (i think its special) as it is, she's never satisfied.

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    Right! In our case he was the one saying we should elope and i was the one saying we should have a wedding. Weddings are amazing, but they bring out the drama and they bring out peoples true colors i feel.

    • Reply
  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    Oh boy! Drama, drama..I feel ya girl. I also had MOH issues now I'm also down a bridesmaid, considering knocking out another due to more issues and just having my brother's. Long story! But I also have mama drama! Lol my own mother, a week after we got engaged she and my step dad said they would not attend the wedding because of a rocky relationship I have with my stepdad. It's all resolved now however neither of them will be included in the wedding.
    My advice for how to deal with mama drama is talk to you fiance, maybe he can step in and help out.
    Also I don't think it's a horrible idea to let his parents walk with your son, I think that's cute. We may be doing the same thing at our wedding. Hope this all works out for you!
    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    I feel you, girl! Somebody always tends to take away from the happiness of it all and turn it into something about them. I've gone through this with my FSIL, FMIL, and my MOH. Its been a tough go and made my fiancé realize even more so that he should have listened to me when I said we should have just gone to the courthouse!

    • Reply
  • Veronique
    Curious September 2018 Alberta
    Veronique ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    View quoted message

    I agree, one hundred percent! She is being absolutely unreasonable. I don't want to give her any part in the wedding, but on the other hand i don't want the drama that will come from that decision. I love Andrew to death and if i didn't i would not have put up with her for the last 12 years. It has been an 11 year engagement and I am excited to make it official on our terms but its starting to feel not about us.

    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Holy moly.... Honestly, weddings bring out the WORST in people! I'm so sorry your MIL is doing this to you! She is being completely selfish and unreasonable. She is most definitely jealous and acting like a spoiled rotten child, in my opinion.

    I'm not even sure what I would have her do at this point. I would be beyond annoyed and likely wouldn't include her in anything. But, if you feel you must, have her walk your son down the aisle... I mean, what else are in laws supposed to do on the day of?

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

Groups

WeddingWire Article Topics