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Brittany
Devoted August 2019 Alberta

Mom wants to throw a bridal shower

Brittany, on February 7, 2019 at 13:15 Posted in Before the wedding 0 8
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We have already had an engagement party. My step sister threw it. Everyone except my mother was in attendance. At the time her and my step dad were amidst a very turbulent divorce. I was the one who decided it best she not be invited. There were 3 other people she is not on speaking terms with attending as well, and it was a small event of like 15 people. I did not want it to be focused on her drama.

However now she wants to throw me a wedding or bridal shower. Even though the other event was last summer. I feel bad making my wedding party and family attend another function. Especially one where gifts are expected. Plus if she holds it where we live friends and family will have to travel 1.5 Hours. Or if she holds it there we still have my FH's family and our friends who will have to travel again there.


Does anyone have suggestions as to how I can make her feel included or something without having to have another formal event everyone is obligated to go to? Or some sort of brunch or something instead?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on February 8, 2019 at 11:19
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    She decides to take you up on the Thank you brunch/gift opening, consider an insert to add in the invitation for the guests to know and if being held at the house since the check out time is usually early morning at the hotel.

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  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    View quoted message

    Yeah I was thinking of asking for her help with the rehearsal. Or if she wants to host a thank you brunch/gift opening the day following the wedding?

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  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    View quoted message

    I was thinking that maybe. My bachelorette I am pretty sure is being held where my mom lives. So I am going to ask my MOH to contact my mom maybe and see if they can arrange like a brunch or high tea the day of or the morning after? And that way she can invite who she wants and feel like she did something?

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    There are always choices to look at for your mom to go 3 ways:

    1. Letting her throw a shower for you and to put NO GIFTS on the invites or telling everyone in person to avoid giving more than needed.

    2. The idea of a mother/daughter time together for her to do something for you rather than going small intimate and having family/friends driving as far as you mentioned.

    3. Hotel booked for your family/guests and they are staying there, have a welcome dinner, AKA, rehearsal dinner to include her for that part of the event.

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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    I would ask her to keep it small! Maybe a small group can go for a nice breakfast or a tea place for high tea! Keep it small and intimate and itll be easier to keep the drama at bay and not have to make too many people go out of their way!
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  • Xandra
    Beginner November 2019 Quebec
    Xandra ·
    • Dispute

    My mom wanted to do something similar and our family situation is similarly complicated, so I totally understand. As I see it, you have two options:

    Option one, let her throw it. The guests are adults who can weigh the pros and cons of going or not going. You can even specify no gifts, if you prefer!

    Option two, and the one I went with, suggest an alternative. I told my mom that rather than have another party, I'd rather we do something together. She got really excited and now we're doing a mother-daughter trip to italy. It's still... bigger than I was expecting, but the intent is to spoil you and make a grand gesture (while also possibly making themselves look good for doing something so nice for you). I think if you suggest the two of you doing something together instead could be appreciated and be more enjoyable for you as well!

    No matter what you choose, things will work out! Best of luck to you! Smiley smile

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Girl, I feel you on the shower feels!

    My mom wants to/is gonna throw a shower for me whether I like it or not. The thing is we are going to specify no gifts since I will have to fly to attend and try and call it something else: it's in the mid-afternoon but my mom is highly against the "high tea" theme. You could have a bridal brunch or something along those lines.

    I'm gonna try and have my bachelorette the night before too, and hope I'm not too hungover for it lol Problem is my bridal party is all over the place and she wants to meet all of them before the wedding, but it hasn't happened yet. We also don't have any plans for the bachelorette set in stone, but I'd rather not have my mom tag along lmao

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    To be honest - I'm not sure what else there would be to do, perhaps just let her throw it? Wedding/Bridal showers are done all the time so I would just let her know that there may not be a big turn out? She could always have two separate showers if the travel is a problem? I know my "Aunt" had a shower both here in Winnipeg for her family and then another shower in either Alberta or British Columbia where her FH's family was.

    If that is a no-go, maybe she could hold a brunch or supper the night before your wedding or be the host of the rehearsal dinner?

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