MOH help?

Its hard to say. i mean i would host all own events i wouldnt expect my wedding party to pay for all those events its way too much money. maybe suggest you both paying half for her flight? i mean weddings get super expensive ur already paying for ur entire wedding and now her flights? thats a lot of money. i would call her and say you cant pay for it or suggest paying half

I agree with most of what is said below, but I do think that if you have a conversation and you both come to the conclusion that you won't pay the flight and she can't afford it, I think that rather than "suggesting she step down" you tell her that you are going to ask someone else to fill the MOH role if she can't come. I would be super hurt in her position if someone had a conversation with me that they couldn't fulfill my request (especially since the MOH role is the highest honour to the bride, so she likely thinks of herself as the closest person to you) and then suggested that I step down, making me the bad guy to leave the wedding party. I'm not saying that she would be right or wrong to feel that way, but it would place the onus on her to do the ending, and while I totally appreciate that she put you in a bad place, not being able to afford a plane ticket after being asked to be the MOH of someone's wedding must feel horrible from her position!

But if she's paying for a flight to Ontario for the dress shopping, I think you should be firm with her that you will not pay for the flights for the wedding and you really need her to redirect that money to the wedding. Suggest FaceTime-ing or Skype-ing her in for it. She has the means to pay for one flight, but may be embarrassed that she would have to dip out for dress fitting - which is something that we usually treat as sacred time for a bridal party! My guess is that this wedding is bringing financial insecurity to the forefront for her, and her getting upset is not as much about you as you may think.

Wow, I am sorry this you are going through this to plan. She is for sure asking too much of you, and if that is the case she should not come to Ontario for dress shopping. If she needs to shop for her own dress I am sure there is a way for her to find the same dress at a boutique closer to her instead of coming here to buy it. I had one of my girls who could not come to our dress shopping day so we went and picked dresses and I had showed her what we got and I told her she just needs to get something in the right colour. so she went to a store that had those dresses closer to her.

Unfortunately, like others have said if she could not afford it she should not have accepted the role.

Man, sounds like she needs to evaluate her priorities and delegate her money better then...

What about skype/facetime? That would be a fair compromise so that she is still involved as much as possible I think.

At that point, I think she's just being difficult for the sake of it and more distraught that she's not getting her way more than it being about her wanting to be there. You have done more than enough, and that's sweet of you to be paying for her nails, hair and more! It's a crappy situation, but it's better to be honest with her and just tell her you can't fit it into your budget and if she can't perform certain MOH duties then she should consider stepping down. You want someone that helps alleviate your stress, not someone that adds to it.

Nope, just nope! I'm floored that you've already paid for your own engagement, bachelorette, and bridal party all yourself, as well as letting her stay in your home while she's there on top of being asked to comp a flight ticket. That is not ok in my book. I don't believe you owe her an explanation, but have you spoken to her about all of those expenses and how quickly it all adds up? If she can't understand and appreciate your situation then I'd be looking for another MOH. And when you say "The only thing she has to pay is her flights." does that mean that you're also covering the bridesmaids dresses? That is just getting way out of hand. I understand that it can be expensive being in a bridal party, but if she knew she was tight on money then she should've thought about that before agreeing to be your MOH. I've had to turn down being in certain weddings for this reason.

Is a compromise possible even? Like could you Skype or something while dress shopping so she's sort of there without anyone having to pay for a ticket?

Not your responsiblity at all! All the wedding party gets paid for is a gift - which most of the time for the ladies is either the dress, or the hair/makeup. Plus, how would she pay for the dress shopping trip? Is she buying your dress or is this a BM dress shopping trip? Either way - if she can afford a dress then she can put that money towards a flight instead, she can't opt to pay for the cheaper option.

When you are asked to be in a wedding party you should know what you are signing up for, I've heard of some people even having to turn down a role as they wouldn't be able to afford the expenses that come along with being a BM/GM. Maybe (as hard as it would be) you should give her the option of stepping down to BM or not in the wedding party if it's going to be too much for her?