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Curious September 2022 Nova Scotia

MOH guilt

Genna, on January 9, 2020 at 09:39 Posted in Before the wedding 0 8

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Ok so I have a small group of girl friends who are standing in my wedding... none of which are really friends together except for two of them. Now One of those girls has been my best friend since grade 8 and we’re always close no matter how far away we are or how much time passes but she’s very opinionated and doesn’t have much of a empathy card everything is either black or white and I feel guilty that she will probably be hurt I’m not making her MOH. The person I’m making MOH is also my best friend we’ve know each other since we were 16, were each other’s children’s god mothers, we think alike and know how to handle each other’s BS and always put the other interest above our own. These are the reasons I’ve picked her to be my MOH! How do I do this without hurt feelings ? Someone help lol

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on January 14, 2020 at 12:16

VIP August 2020 Ontario
Ashley · On January 14, 2020 at 12:16
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Dont feel guilty at all about who youre choosing as MOH. just ask her to be a bridesmaid! and if she asks whose the MOH be like so and so. you dont have to give her reasonsing when urs your choice!
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Curious September 2022 Nova Scotia
Genna · On January 13, 2020 at 18:45
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Thank you I’m going to mail her a little goody bag when I officially ask this spring .. I’m thinking I can also chalk it up to her living 2 hours away ! Thank to everyone for their opinions and advice! 💕
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On January 13, 2020 at 13:30
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I originally had 2 MOH's - they were co-MOHs but one backed down to a bridesmaid since she wasn't sure of a lot of stuff in life (recently out-of school and trying to find a job that isn't summer/contract). So I ended up with one MOH but she had a mental breakdown around 1 month before the wedding and it put a little strain on our relationship, but we always have each others back and we put up with each other's BS.
I think your one friend might surprise you and you don't owe her an explanation as to why you didn't pick her to be MOH, in fact, she might be understanding the the godmother of her kids is, if she's black and white in thinking.
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Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On January 9, 2020 at 11:51
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You could either be surprised by how well she takes it or you might have to try and make up for it... Not that you should have to "make up" for it. Best way to go about it would be to make a little dinner date in public and then just see what happens. At the end of the day she should still be there for you and be able to put it to the side though.
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Master October 2020 New Brunswick
Amelia · On January 9, 2020 at 10:44
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If she is a very black and white kind of person she might be more likely to understand your own reasoning.
I would make sure that the news of who your moh is comes from you, so call her and let her know before she can hear the gossip version from anyone else. Tell her what you told us: that your moh knows how to handle your bs and you're going to need that a lot during planning!
Hopefully she is understanding.
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Master June 2022 Ontario
Rayanne · On January 9, 2020 at 10:07
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Maybe she won't be upset? If one is your child's godmother and this other friend isn't she may expect not to be MOH.
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Curious September 2022 Nova Scotia
Genna · On January 9, 2020 at 09:54
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My mom told me the same thing lol .. I’m very much a people pleaser it’s my Achilles heel. I just feel so conflicted about having to deal with the possible awkwardness of it all 🙃
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Master July 2021 Ontario
Kelsie · On January 9, 2020 at 09:51
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Hi Genna,

Personally, I don't necessarily think you owe anyone an explanation for who you do or don't choose to be your MOH. If your one friend is going to get upset and throw a pity party because you didn't pick her as MOH - maybe you shouldn't have her at all? It seems to me someone is not a very good friend if they can't be happy for you and the decisions you make.

I would just ask your MOH and BMs accordingly to be in your party and if your friend is mad, she has a choice, she can be in the bridal party, or she doesn't have to be.
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