Hey guys, I know I've been absent from the community for a while, but the reason is.... this happened!
We got married!
It was not a perfect day by any means, and so many things did not go according to plan, but lemme tell you guys, there was no greater feeling than waking up the next morning and realizing that despite everything that went off the rails, the most important part of the day happened flawlessly, because I ended up married to the love of my life.
I've had a bit of time to think over things, and I thought I would share some advice based solely on my own experience - YMMV, so please take that into consideration
1. Don't invite people just because you think you should, or other people want you to. I invited some family members I was not close with, for a number of reasons: my mom asked me to, I felt like I should, I didn't want to embarrass other family members who were invited by leaving out others, and my husband thought it would look "weird" if only his family was there. So I invited people, despite being really reluctant. I should have trusted my gut. Having those people there put a serious damper on certain moments of the day, and some major post-wedding drama kind of soured the honeymoon bliss.
2. Give your vendors explicit instructions, get everything in writing, and ask for VISUAL SAMPLES where possible. This is related specifically to my florist. I told her what I wanted, sent her multiple inspiration pics, but never thought to ask for progress pictures or visual samples. So my centerpieces were tiny and sparse, and my bouquet was really not what I had wanted or asked for. (For example, I said multiple times that I wanted a cascading bouquet and that I didn't want white flowers in the bouquet... um?)
3. EAT. SOME. FOOD. (And drink something. Anything. I'm begging you). I know everyone says this, and I thought I'd have no problem - I packed loads of snacks and water. But I was so nervous that I had no appetite, and to be honest, there was so much running around I didn't even remember to eat anything after my 5 am breakfast. And then when I did remember, I didn't want to ruin my lipstick haha. This unfortunate bout of vanity resulted in me passing out in the getaway car after taking pictures for an hour in a hot, sunny park. It will make for a funny anecdote, but it was not so funny in the moment, when I woke to my new husband and 2 brothers-in-law panicking and debating whether to call 911, and then being force-fed emergency cashews and gatorade they got from the nearest gas station.
4. Don't be afraid to speak up on the day. So many things happened that day that I wish I had just stopped with a few firm words. My father-in-law interrupted out recessional walk to ask my husband if we were going to take group photos (*facepalm*), so we had impromptu family photos at the altar of the church, taking turns with each family group we had invited, while all the other guests watched. It was so awkward and unpleasant, and threw off our timeline completely. There was some miscommunication due to cultural differences, and no one thought to tell me beforehand that the guests would expect individual portraits with my husband and I.
5. Anything and everything can go wrong, but at the end of the day, only one thing matters. There were so many good memories from that day, many more than anything negative, so I think it's important to focus on the positive. And really, even if everything goes wrong and all of your planning flies out the window, as long as you end up married to your partner, your wedding has fulfilled its most important purpose. And yes, it does fly by in the blink of an eye and you'll wake up the next morning wondering if it was all a dream, and wishing you had done this thing differently and that thing differently, and be a bit sad that you didn't take time to savour every moment, but then you'll realize that was just page one of the story, and there are a hundred thousand pages of adventure left for your and your new spouse to write together.
I'll still pop into the forums now and then even though I'm a Mrs, so this post isn't a goodbye from me, but I want to thank every single one of you amazing people. It saved my sanity having a space to vent, and your supportive and understanding comments meant the world to me during my planning process. And thank you to everyone who shares their own highs and lows during their wedding planning journey, so the rest of us don't feel so alone. You guys are awesome.