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Tunisha
Featured October 2021 Ontario

Lived with your partner before wedding or after?

Tunisha, on September 14, 2021 at 20:20 Posted in Living together 0 17
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Hello Beautiful People! 馃憢馃従

Hope you all are doing just fine and having a great wedding planning or living a fairytale ending. 馃槀馃榿


Have you and your SO lived together before the wedding? If so, what were the challenges that you faced and learnt from living with your partner?


Or did you and your SO moved in after the wedding? If so, how was it the first few days/weeks!?


I鈥檒l be moving in together with my fianc茅 after the wedding. I鈥檓 worried and happy at the same time. I am trying to brace myself for how it鈥檒l be.


17 Comments

Latest activity by Nelly+Raquel, on April 19, 2022 at 17:59
  • N
    Curious June 2023 Ontario
    Nelly+Raquel
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    Hi Tunisha we are very excited to get married and live together. Right now commuting to work is hectic once we are married and settled in to married life, it will be so much easier for us.
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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Hello Nelly & Raquel!
    Ohhhhhh yes!! This is nice!!!!!
    How do you feel about it??
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  • N
    Curious June 2023 Ontario
    Nelly+Raquel
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    Hi Tunisha we will only be living together after we are married
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  • Daniel
    Newbie March 2022 Quebec
    Daniel
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    Hi there, Tunisha. And congrats with your wedding. In my ipinion it's better to live with you partners before wedding. Why? In this article - https://blablawriting.net/wedding-cake-model-essay i read that you should try to live with your partner to get to know him better. Also in that article i found good advices for making wedding cake.

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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Thank you so much for your response Jenny! 馃挄
    Really appreciate all your inputs. Totally understand and agree with you. I would say that our main arguments are about misunderstanding, communication and little bit of money. I understand where he stand on money and do does he. But it鈥檚 still a challenge anyways. It鈥檚 been going on 3 months or being in each other鈥檚 face all day everyday. So we鈥檙e working it out one day at a time. I think also understanding that we鈥檙e going to keep learning about each other.
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  • Jenny
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jenny
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    So I鈥檝e been living with my fianc茅 since April 2017 (we also have two kids together - March 2018 and June 2020). No lie it was tough when we first moved in together. He liked sleeping with the tv on and I absolutely could not do that. He had higher cleanliness standards than I was used to (we鈥檙e about the same for that now or if anything I prefer things cleaner lol). He prefers staying home for date night while I prefer going out. Not going to lie at one point I didn鈥檛 know if we would stay together but we worked through it. Biggest thing is communication. If you don鈥檛 say there鈥檚 a problem then how is your partner supposed to know there鈥檚 a problem? It also helps to learn your partner鈥檚 argument style - are they the type that needs to cool down before having a calm discussion? Do they prefer to sleep on things? We鈥檝e been living together going on five years now and I鈥檇 say most of our arguments were caused by bad communication, misunderstanding, and lastly money.
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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Thank you so much Monica! Oh yes, that鈥檚 a great suggestion. I spoke to him the other day about this and we鈥檙e working on something. Since we started dating we always had Friday as our date night. And just really spend time with each other. Now we鈥檙e in each other鈥檚 face, it鈥檚 a new learning curve! Really appreciate all the good inputs! 馃檹馃従馃榿馃挄
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  • Monica
    Beginner August 2022 British Columbia
    Monica
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    Oh yay, Tunisha I'm so happy this has been helpful Smiley smile Of course, every couple is different so you need to create a groove that works for the two of you. I know some couples do longer weekend dates instead of a daily date, and to be honest, if we didn't work partially from home daily dates probably wouldn't be so feasible.

    If your hubs tends to seem uninterested in your suggested activities, maybe ask what joint activities he would enjoy doing. We've had lots of fun doing things that we can either teach to the other (video games, yoga...etc.) or learn from square one together. Best of luck!

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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Hello Monica,
    Ohhhh my goodness! This is amazing! Thank you so much for your insight and sharing this. I really appreciate it. My hubby tends to just shrug things off (I call him boring at times) as he doesn鈥檛 fully open for certain things or I鈥檒l have to mention it 10 times. It鈥檚 frustrating. Because I鈥檓 always up for doing things or having that little fun. I like how you mentioned the days for intentional connections, will definitely work on that for sure, while including the other ideas you have mentioned. I really appreciate this a lot, thanks so much for sharing.
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  • Monica
    Beginner August 2022 British Columbia
    Monica
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    Hi Tunisha! (nice to e-meet you)

    So fun, love this discussion.

    My FH and I have never not lived together! We met as RA's in University, living in the same building. We got together and 6 months later moved into an apartment with two other roommates. A year after that we moved cross-country and stayed with his family for a few months before getting our own apartment. Living together is wonderful. There's lots to learn along the way, and the dynamic will change multiple times. But's here are a few insights:

    - Values: start here, for your values motivate how you live, what you eat, how much you sleep, how you connect...etc. Our shared values include: connection, which motivates our honesty policy, daily dates (see below) as well as our alone time, living a low-impact lifestyle which defines what and how we consume, and so many more. Your values will define how you decorate, shop, clean...etc so taking the time to identify them is key.

    - Task ownership: you'll find yourselves naturally inclined to doing different tasks (laundry, dishes, bill payments...etc.). The more frequently you do a task the more you 'own' that task, or in other words, the less likely your SO will be to do that task. So, discuss which tasks you each want to own and which you want to share.

    - Routines: everyone's daily routine is different and changes overtime. It is super useful to discuss routines (wake-up times, workout, meal planning, bed times...etc.) with your partner so that you can each support each other in achieving your routine goals. And share when you want to change your routine, ex., if you want to start going to sleep earlier. This really helps keep each other on track to being your best selves!

    - Intentional connection: when living together (and working from home) you're around each other a LOT! And that can be wonderful! It can also seem like you're spending less intentional time together and more time simply around each other. We do 'daily dates' which means each day we do something fun together, no matter what. Sun = walk around the neighborhood, Mon = crossword puzzle, Tues = mini presentation on something interesting...and so on. It's an awesome way to connect and engage in shared values.

    Sorry that was a lot! I just love this topic!

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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda
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    I was already living on my own in my own condo when I first met my fiance almost 7 years ago. He moved in a couple of weeks after that lol but we honestly love living together of course there's always some little things that get on your nerves like socks everywhere and clothes not making it to the laundry hamper but beside it lol My fiance works in the oil fields so he's not home very much and I work 2 jobs so we're not home very much to argue too much. We bought a house just over 2 years ago and we absolutely love it! It's your own freedom and such!

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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Totally agree!
    We do have to work on our communication. I know when he鈥檚 had enough or don鈥檛 want to talk. So I leave, then return to solve the issue. I鈥檓 the main one that tries to solve things and compromise a lot. But that鈥檚 fine, I try my best to make sure all is well.

    I believe living together will be a challenge but we鈥檒l work it out!
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod
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    Thats the thing about knowing what each other likes and behaves to draw the line moving forward. I hope you two have a good understanding now to avoid any miscommunication. Rules do help to know when one gets upset. Take a breather and come back when ready to talk calmly.
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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Oh yes!!!!
    I鈥檓 happy that it鈥檚 all working out well!
    That鈥檚 the thing eh, we have to adjust to two people under the same roof. Haha!
    Wish me luck!
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod
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    Yes over time and with will power. His anger calmed down major along to communicate better though it needs some work still.
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  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha
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    Thank you so much for sharing Vinod!! 馃榿
    How is it going so far? Things were able to change slowly overtime?
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod
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    I moved in with my fianc茅 before the wedding and we faced many challenges. Some were anger issues he was facing and making changes/sacrifices towards our relationship. Financially, it wasn't good and to show nothing of it as it seemed to going faster than ever and desires to get than important things.

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