Lgbtqa* Calgary Wedding Community

Hi Mimi,

We are currently starting the wedding planning process and I am curious how everything turned out for you? Also curious if you found any vendors that made you feel comfortable?

Shannon (she/her)

Hi Mimi!

I'm so sorry you are running into these issues. I'm in Toronto. It's not so bad here, but there were some awkward moments when we had to correct the "bride and groom" comments. Luckily we found a wonderful venue, with an event coordinator who always used the word "couple" and changed all of our paperwork to reflect 2 brides. My FW is wearing a suit and I called around first to find a place that catered to women and I found a wonderfully accommodating up and coming tailor who custom-makes suits for men and women.

In terms of family, I had a similar interaction with my dad. He is actually not even coming to our wedding and frankly I don't want him there with a sour face. My partner is my first ever same sex relationship and I can't imagine my life without her. I was married for 25 and have 2 beautiful children from that marriage. He was not my soul mate. My dad didn't even like him. Clearly, my happiness doesn't mean anything to him in his small mind. Hang in there and stand your ground. Things are changing and the wedding industry needs to change with the times and be more accommodating to the community.

Good luck and congratulations

I'm not from AB but I feel your struggle on vendors assuming bride and groom.

While my fiance is a trans man so it makes it a little easier for us we both identify as part of the LGBT+ community and definitely wanted to find as many LGBT+ friendly vendors as possible (and we did, in fact our photographer and videographer are both trans men themselves). Especially our officiant. I made sure to mention it to anyone that I talked to at wedding shows and we found a very caring woman who's response when I asked was "I love love".

As far as suits go I second the recommendation of Moores, my best friend who is non-binary works there and they say they have female identifying and non-binary customers in all the time that are treated the same as a cisgendered man would be looking for a suit.

If you're having no luck in stores for suits I'd recommended seeing if Calgary has any custom suit options. In Halifax we have a custom suit online business that will come to your house and do your measurements and they've been very inclusive to everyone who wants to wear a suit.

Hello! I'm also a lesbian who just go engaged, up in Edmonton! Things are definitely overwhelming and it is a little scary, not knowing who is LGBTQ+ friendly and who isn't. One thing I've been doing for photographers and officiants is check their FAQ or Info section and see if they explicitly say they are happy to do queer weddings. For photographers I've also been scouring their portfolios to look for any gay couples. That has definitely helped narrow down my choices.

Hey Mimi, it always breaks my heart to hear members of the LGBTQA* community struggling with their wedding planning. I hope you feel that WeddingWire is a safe and welcoming space for all, that you're accepted here, that we're here to help, and that we have an extremely strict Nondiscrimination Policy here that applies to all members and vendors.

You are NOT being over dramatic by insisting your vendors not refer to you as "bride and groom." Certainly you can give them some grace for the occasional slip if you want to and if you can see that they are genuinely trying, but I'd gently interrupt with "We are two brides, and you've just called us 'bride and groom,' but please continue." If it continues, I'd very firmly state something like "You keep saying 'bride and groom' when we've been very clear that we are two brides. It is hurtful and offensive when you keep repeating this after we've corrected you. If we are going to (continue this meeting/work together/proceed with this booking/give you our business...) we must insist you change your language to reflect and respect who we are." Or if that's too awkward/long/formal just call out what it is - biased, heteronormative, non-inclusive, prejudiced.

What kind of venue can we help you look for? Have you had a chance to browse through the Calgary wedding venues listed on WeddingWire? What's your approx guest list size? Would you like us to help you search?

Now, suits. Don't discount department stores in your search, buying off the rack and then taking the suit to a tailor for fine tuning. What color/fabric/style suit does your partner want? This article could help - How to Find Wedding Suits for Brides

No, I don't think you're being overly dramatic if you have told them you are two brides more than once. If you haven't told them, and you're getting upset, then I might say you were being overly dramatic, but from what you've said, that's not the case at all!

Thank you so much. We will definitely check out Moores.

I know that they default to bride and groom. That's why I often don't get offended when it was like we met them for the first time.. or they didn't know we were together. But even if we already mentioned that we are two brides getting married multiple times, some still resort to "bride and groom". It just is plainly offensive to me. It's like making us feel we are not normal.. and the normality is "bride and groom". Or maybe I'm just being overly dramatic about this. hahaha that's why I wanted opinions.. cuz if I am being overly dramatic and wrong to be offended then I will gladly check in with myself.

First, welcome to WW!

Second - I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. While I am straight, I have family and friends who are not. Thankfully, when they were planning weddings, they didn't run into this (from what I heard).
If you need a photographer, I have a fantastic one here in Edmonton (but she travels) and I know she has worked with LGBTQA couples before.

As to the problem with venues, etc - that's tough. Other than to keep asserting yourself, I'm not sure that I have any useful suggestions. I think most people in the wedding business default to 'bride and groom' because most of their customers are that; that doesn't mean it can't be offensive to you, and that they shouldn't change their verbiage when you make it clear you and your future wife are the couple.

For suits, I would try Moores. Again, I can't speak to the ones in Calgary but my fiancé and I had fantastic experiences in the ones here in Edmonton - miles above and beyond anything any of the other rental places had (Derks, Tip top, etc).