Lacking a bridesmaid

Oh ok makes sense.

UPDATE: So this bridesmaid of mine is getting married today in St. Lucia and I think I may have stirred up some drama. It's hard to tell through messages but basically the other friend and I who couldn't make it to St. Lucia have been asking this girl and our other friends who went to FaceTime/Whatsapp/Skype us during the wedding so that we can be there somehow in spirit.

Well we started messaging them yesterday asking what the plans are for connecting with them to watch the wedding like how, when etc... Then someone left a comment saying "well you should be here then" and I got PISSED. I replied "well maybe you should talk to **** then, its not my fault I'm not there." So I guess **** saw that message and according to my other friend she did not take it well to which I replied "well were all depressed over here nothing to be happy about." Then finally we messaged again asking how will we watch the wedding and **** replied "none its at 4pm and you can see the video after its made." I do not want someone to make me feel guilty for not being able to make it to her destination wedding. Its really ignorant and I already feel bad enough. I don't want her to be upset on her wedding day either so I will be sending her a long message wishing her the best hope this works itself out before we have to pick them up on Saturday :/

September 2017. She dropped out in December 2016 so yes, i did have time to deal with it. No issue was I didn't want to ask another girl to be a bridesmaid only because she dropped out, I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings or make them think they were only second best, so I stuck with my 5 girls

Definitely chat with her, and I hope you get everything sorted!

Wow! When are you getting married? If dropped out early enough at least you had time to figure things out or deal with it at least?

Yeah people are seriously so self centred its ridiculous. I will have to talk to her when she gets back from her wedding.

Hi Melissa,

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, especially at a time that should be the happiest of your life so far. Sometime people are just so self-centered that they can't see how their actions or words will affect others.

I had a similar situation happen to me. One of my bridesmaids was dating one of the groomsmen (FH and I were both friends with each person before this). About 8 months ago, they broke up, which sucked, but they were both still good to go to be in the wedding, and wanted to be. Fast forward a few months, the bridesmaid wasn't returning any of my calls or texts, she would make up excuses when I did reach her as to why she couldn't make it to the dress appointments for the bridesmaids dresses, etc. We had to pick and order the dresses a bit in advance as one of my bridesmaids was working out of province for the summer and needed to have her dress in and fitted to her before she left. Finally, I asked the rogue bridesmaid up front if she was still interested in being in my wedding, and she turned around and said, "nope, sorry i cant afford it plus i dont want to do it because my ex is still in the wedding. I will do it if hes no longer in it." Needless to say i was shocked, but I understood her reasoning but thought it was very selfish seeing as we had already discussed it and everything was fine. Also, FH's groomsman, the ex bf of this girl, had been friends with Fh for 10 years, so we obviously were not going to kick him out. Anyway, long story short she is not in the wedding, nor is she even coming to the wedding, but I'm ok with it. So now I have 5 bridesmaids instead of 6, and one girl will just walk with 2 guys, so not a big deal for me, but it sucks that my friend couldnt put her issues aside for one day for me.

Relating to your dilemma, if you're comfortable to do so, I would ask and talk to her openly about it, because that is the only way you will get straight answer. If you can and are okay with it, maybe just have the 8 bridesmaids instead of 9, if it comes down to it. Or maybe a junior bridesmaid? There are other options out there i am sure!

I really hope you figure everything out, but honestly, its your day and don't let this mishap ruin any part of it!

Thank you

It's nice be reminded of that.

Hi Zoe,

Thank you for the support. When she first got engaged I tried to subtly sway her decision on the date she chose but that completely did not work. I know that was horrible of me to do considering this is her special time but also considering the circumstances I wanted to at least try. Fast forward to last month when she first told me she didn't get time off, yes I did speak with her thoroughly about what her plan is to make it to my wedding and now we have to wait and see how things pan out.

In terms of how I feel about the whole thing I have kept my mouth shut because I absolutely do not want to be the friend who speaks against someone's wedding day. However, I really do want to be honest with her and maybe just tell her everything after her wedding.

The rest of the planning is going well

Wow! I have nothing helpful that someone else hasn't already said and I think you already have a solid plan. Your wedding will be amazing with or without her there. Just remember your wedding doesn't have to be perfect as long as it is yours.

I keep repeating this to myself to keep from getting too stressed out about the little details that likely won't matter on the day.

Hi Melissa, Nice to meet you here. I understand that this issue gives more stress and that is not nice. Did you try to talk about it with her? How is the rest of the planning going? Let me know xx

Wow, I'm still shaking my head over this. I'm so sorry about this, but at this point, try not to stress over it too terribly much since your wedding date is coming up close. (I know it's easier said then done at this point). Wishing you the best of luck at your beautiful wedding

Yes I agree! Alot of our friends in the same cirlce are very upset with how she has chosen to do things and we are all going to be upset next week when half of us are watching her get married through Facetime and hald of us will actually be there

Yes I have realized that too, all these great things are coming together for her. The unequal sides should be fine, its more her absence that will depress me a bit. A lot of our friends are pretty upset with the way she has chosen to do things but what can we do? If that's what she wants and that's what make sher happy who are we to say anything

Not a problem at all! message me if you ever need to vent. I think that's a good plan to have the Junior groomsmen to walk down alone since he's carrying the rings. this is such a terrible situation and she is acting very childish.

I'm sorry you're having this much stress over this. Considering she agreed to all this, she should have been committed to attending your wedding. Maybe things just started coming together for her and she can't put everything on hold because you're getting married.
I would just go with uneven sides. With such a large wedding party no one will even notice.

Me neither! I honestly don't think it is. The engagement was very impulsive and rash (it happened after they fought!) And very quickly after that she decided it will be destination and in May. I mean why even bother getting married if its not as special to you as it is to some other brides?

Worst case scenario, I will get my junior bridesmaid to walk down with the missing bridesmaids partner and the junior groomsman will walk down by himself because he is carring the rings too.

Thank you so much for responding, I feel a little better that I had someone so vent to lol!

I just can't get over that, makes you wonder if the wedding is even that important for her!

Is it possible that you will be okay with having a different number of groomsmen then bridesmaids? Like if your FH has 1 best man, you could have your MOH and 1st Bridesmaid walk down with him to help differentiate(sp?) him from the rest of the men?

I absolutely agree with being concerned about them feeling like a sloppy second, but i'm sure you guys will get this figured out and it will still turn out beautiful and wonderful and magical.

Thanks! I was considering replacing her but I literally have no one! The best I could think of is to ask one of my cousins or his but then they would have to buy the dress and then im worried they would feel like sloppy seconds knowing I only chose them to replace someone else.

Yes we were all shocked when she said that, I have no idea what's going on with her but there is really only a few of us that are her closest friends.... I mean come on her maid of honour can't even go!

I don't have much to offer in this situation, but I am so sorry that you are going through that. that is very unfortunate that she doesn't "care" enough to make sure you guys could make it.
is there anyone else you can find to take her place, even if it ends up being a junior bridesmaid?Wishing you the best of luck