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Maria
Beginner May 2023 Alberta

Lack of Support

Maria, on March 28, 2023 at 12:16 Posted in Before the wedding 0 14
Anyone else out there experiencing lack of support when it comes to your bridal party? I've known mine for many years (14-18years) and didn't find they were even happy or excited for me so a few months ago (2 months) I received them of their duties. They didn't put up a fight or try. I haven't heard from either of them since. After asking a long time friend to be my matron of honor and a coworker I'd only met 2 months before to be bridesmaid. I'm experiencing similar issues. I know my fiancee and I planned really well but I'm finding it hard to be happy when the ones that need to be there are not. Is this even normal? I'm choosing to focus on my fianc茅 and getting married to him!! Sorry for the long message I was just wondering if I'm alone and I certainly hope not! Otherwise I'm feeling like I'm just a bad person 馃様

14 Comments

Latest activity by Maria, on April 30, 2023 at 09:43
  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    Truly though!! It's almost here!!! EEP!
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  • E
    Newbie June 2023 Ontario
    Emily
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    Omg! If it makes you feel better one of my bridesmaids did too! It鈥檚 so surprising and I am the most laid back bride ever . It is what it is and your day will be amazing with or without them 馃榿
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  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    My MOH resigned. No you never expect it but focus on your day and wedding. It'll be okay!!!
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  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    It'll be okay! Followed your heart and stay open and honest. Every wedding experience is different.
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  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    Unfair that they had every detail and didn't do any? No. They had everything they needed. More specifically the MOH. My BM has been phenomenal. And I don't feel like this board is meant to be more unsupported...so Hank I thank you for your opinion but your not actually helping
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  • E
    Newbie June 2023 Ontario
    Emily
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    Yup! My party has been great, but my partners party has shown zero interest. They didn't help plan the bridal shower (when asked by my side if they wanted to help... crickets) they weren't even planning on planning her bachelorette, so we are doing ours together now. Definitely not what I expected from our closest friends. We have a group chat and ask for advice, opinions, help... and they never respond. its very odd and dissipointing.

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  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY
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    I haven't given any tasks yet, with things starting to ramp up, i am going to have a sit down with them to see what needs to be done and who wants to do what and go from there.

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank
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    You say you completed most tasks but is that because you asked them to do something and they dropped the ball, or did you simply not ask them to do anything yet are disappointed that they didn't ask. So is your frustration simply that they weren't consistently over the moon and jumping with joy about your wedding? If so, that's normal. Again, it's your wedding, not theirs. You can't expect others to have your wedding in their minds all the time. Unless they dropped the ball by refusing or not showing up to things without an explanation, or just flat out ignore any communication requests you have, I think you put them in an unfair position.

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  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    Hi Hank. The thing is she's been amazing and hasn't known me for that long. Those that have known me longest well I've been really disappointed. I just didn't think I'd have to replace anyone. I'm a very articulate and organized person. So to misunderstand responsibility, wouldn't be a possibility. The general lack of excitement and supports gotten to me. In the end my fiance and I completed most tasks and still are. We knew what we wanted and exactly the vision we had in mind. We hoped to have those around us would participate but it doesn't seems that way.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank
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    To each their own but a co-worker you've only known for two months won't exactly be super thrilled about being a bridesmaid. You barely know each other. I'm surprised she even said yes.

    And what kind of support were you needing and what kind of expectations did you set out for them when you asked them to be in the bridal party? It's one thing for them to not be proactive - after all, it's your wedding, not theirs. Unless they were specifically ignoring requests like not confirming availability or not attending their dress fittings, there's no fault just because they're not constantly excited or talking about your wedding.

    How did you word it when you relieved everyone of their duties? If a friend or even family member fired me for an unreasonable expectation or said so in a way that wasn't conducive to a conversation, I wouldn't exactly be fighting to keep my spot.

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  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    I hope it changes for you. It's so bizarre that this is what happens versus what we think or worse yet what we watch in movies 馃槃
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  • Maria
    Beginner May 2023 Alberta
    Maria
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    I did. It turned out to be about my MOH and how hurt she was. How I'm not budging and it has to be all about me. Her words. She'd also made comments like " I planned to do this" and "I was going to put up tasteful decorations". It felt more to me every word she used was used to make me feel badly. We're 6 weeks away. I'm not sure what to do. In my head I imagined this being different.
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  • L
    Frequent user August 2023 Ontario
    Lily
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    I'm sorry you're feeling this way and that your friends didn't put up a fight or question why you relieved them of their duties. I understand not everyone will be as excited about your wedding as you but there shouldn't be radio silence on your bridal party's end- especially since it looks like you're getting married in a few months!

    I've only given a few little tasks for my bridal party to do because I don't want any of them to feel stressed out. In fact, my maid of honour has actually requested more duties to do because she feels "useless." I'm a person who kind of likes to have things in control so I tend to take over haha.

    My bridal party has been supportive but they haven't been contacting me that much about things because we're still five months away and there's not much for them to do.

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  • K1327
    Featured August 2022 Ontario
    K1327
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    Hi Maria, I am sorry to hear this is affecting you during such a special time.

    I know I am definitely guilty of having expectations of people and when they do not live up to it, I can get down about it pretty easily. I say this because, do you think they understood what you were expecting out of them in terms of planning? A lot of the time people are preoccupied with their own life or if they are not in such a happy place themselves, that negative energy can come across your way whether intentionally or not.

    If you find this is getting you down, might be worth a conversation with them to know how you are feeling or, if this is how they are, it might be best to keep them out of the planning if it continues to get you down (so not worth it). I kept my circle during planning and the morning of, very very small as I did not want this exact thing to happen and get me down on what is suppose to be one of the more special times in your life Smiley heart

    Keep your head and spirits up, your wedding is so close, this time is crucial to stay happy, calm, and enjoy! Best of luck

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