Inviting people to the ceremony/dance but not the dinner??

View quoted message What did you end up doing? I have the same issue! I want to invite people to my ceremony and after party but we don’t have enough room for dinner for everyone on my guest list.

I agree, either invite them to the reception on an A or B list or not at all.
We had friends where we were invited to an after-reception drinks at the bar but not their wedding or reception (which was not small and was four hours away). While they probably didn’t mean it, it suggested we were not good enough to invite to the reception which was hurtful and offensive.
I wouldn’t want your day to be marred by a guest assuming the worst like we did.

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Ok yeah this is what i'm trying to get at- IF the venue can hold the extra 70 ish people... inviting them to the ceremony and dance but not the dinner is rude. I remember attending one a wedding that did this when i was in my early 20's and I did think it was a bit weird but also didn't mind going to get our own dinner (we were a group of work friends). I knew I wasn't super close to the bride to be invited for dinner, but showing up after the dinner was also a bit awkward!!! It's a really tough decision! We did make a B and a C list though in case of A list people not being able to come!

I would invite the 155 - The chances of all of them RSVP'ing yes is minimal (there's probably a few people you can see not attending).

I'd also ask your venue if the 150 is for seated guests or if it's the actual maximum capacity. Some venues only hold a certain amount of dinner guests (to make room for tables), but the maximum capacity is higher. If your venue can hold the extra 70 guests without tables, I'd invite them to dancing ONLY (no ceremony since it can be rude to have to ask them to leave for dinner).

If 150 is your venue's maximum capacity, you can put the 70 guests on a B-list and if 75 guests of the 155 original list RSVP no, you can add your 70 others.

Invite the 155 for sure. but remember not everyone will be able to attend your wedding. you could also invite the ppl that arent on the guest list to other events, jack and jill, showers, bachs etc. so that way they can still be apart of your dayissshhh

I think it would be fine to invite them for the dance portion of the reception, as long as the venue will allow that many people. You can't rely on people leaving to make room for the new comers so you would need to have space for everyone.

A lot of people will say this is rude but it's really common in some places (UK and Europe especially). I've been to 3 weddings where there's been a "tiered" guestlist (we were invited to all parts, though). One was in Kingston and some guests arrived after dinner for the dancing portion of the evening only (this moved their guestlist from 170-220). One was in the Guelph area and it was a barn wedding and they had about 20 extra people come after dinner for the dancing portion of the evening only (they were all dressed really casually- think camo and jeans- which was awkward). The last one was in Holland where it's the norm to have a tiered guestlist and they had about 30 extra people come after dinner for the evening portion.

If you are going to do it, you need to be really clear on the invites for the evening guests only that they are not invited to the other events. It can be a bit dicey...

Editing to add: i do NOT think you can do ceremony + dance and have them leave for just the dinner. Logistically that's just a mess and really inconvenient. I would either leave them out entirely or have them there for just the dance. It's really a know your crowd thing though... a tiered wedding wouldn't fly in our social group but maybe it's the norm in yours.

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I see... but the only way they can even come to the after supper part is if you get enough no's any way right? Just reading what Rayanne said - do you have confirmation from the venue that you can have more than 150 after supper or is that the max. for the room? If it's the max for the room then that idea goes right out the door due to fire hazards.

For my wedding we had majority of my family from out of town so as much as I wanted to assume the wouldn't come I didn't want to be in a situation of taking back invites. We had a max capacity of 250 and had about 300 on our guest list that we wanted to invite.

First round went out at the 5 month mark with RSVP's due at the 3 month mark. Then that same week we sent out more invitations for the second round with RSVP's due at the 1 month mark. Worked out for us Not many people that were on the second round were in the same group as the first round because the first round was mostly just family and closest friends.

View quoted message The 155 is with the bridal party (and us!!) as well as vendors!!! We have a few on the list that likely won’t show. I like your idea of the different RSVP dates!! Because I don’t want the second wave to feel ‘second best’....


But I guess my main question is..... I don’t mind inviting certain people to only the after dinner part, but I’d LOVE them to be at the ceremony too. I just feel awful being like ‘hey come see me get married, go away for dinner, then come back to celebrate more!’ .... so I’m thinking of not inviting to the ceremony and ONLY the after dinner portion. I’m a nurse, and you cannot invite the whole unit!! So most coming after dinner would be nursing colleagues as well as a group of friends that are on the cusp but if I invite one, I’d have to invite them all type group... defaulting them to after dinner only

What I think you should do is this:

1. Don't invite the full 155!!! You have to also count the vendors in the head count if you haven't already btw - and don't forget to count yourself!

2. Invite the max. people you can

3. Don't invite kids if you are?

4. Have a backup list of the rest that you can ask as soon as no's come in

5. Have to waves of invites with different RSVP dates because people WILL wait to RSVP till the last day/ you'll end up reaching out to get them

You can't invite them to the dance if the hall only holds 150. Their firecodes would not allow you to. Your wedding could get shut down if you try to get all those people in. I don't think you really have a choice but to leave the other 70 out and pray at least 5 rsvp no.