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Kara
Newbie January 2023 Alberta

Invited 75 but only got 3 Rsvp yes

Kara, on September 12, 2022 at 22:08 Posted in WeddingWire 0 9
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Anyone book a small venue for a destination wedding just to have everyone back out? My inclination was to have an adventure elopement. Instead my fiancé and I spent countless hours planning for this lackluster response. We figured it would be small but 10%??? I'm just so frustrated with effort in considering everyone's need put forth at our end vs the response. Anyone else dealing with a similar situation? If you have a fickle list of guests and they say they'll come but when rubber meets pavement they are out....go with your gut and elope. Seriously. This is my second and last wedding I've planned and toiled over, just really sad this is the result.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Hank, on September 19, 2022 at 16:20
  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Sorry to hear that you're going through all this. But people reap what they sow and I think it really puts into perspective for you what kind of people they are and you can now think twice about feeling obligated to visit them on their request.

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  • Jenny
    Featured September 2022 Ontario
    Jenny ·
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    This makes me so mad for you, they have to travel from the continental US to Canada? That's all? I'd honestly never want to visit them again if that's the attitude they have. They could literally drive there if they're that worried about flights. I'm sorry that they've let you down.

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  • Kara
    Newbie January 2023 Alberta
    Kara ·
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    Thank you Brittany, you as well and safe travels to all ❤️
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  • Brittany
    Featured August 2023 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    I am very sorry that it seems your families are not making the effort to come to the wedding. I am also getting married in the Banff/Canmore area and everyone has to travel to our wedding location. Yes some people will not go, but it’s about you and your future Husband and I am sure you are going to have a beautiful day regardless!

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  • Kara
    Newbie January 2023 Alberta
    Kara ·
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    Thanks to all that responded.
    The families were told about the destination and date over 2 yrs in advance. Website was up a year before. Save the dates sent 10 months out. Invites sent 7 months out. We are in the states getting married in Canmore, AB.
    Despite telling guests repeatedly to book travel well in advance so refundable fares were more reasonable they chose to wait. In part due to covid restrictions. Prices are now out of reach for refundable tickets and undersrandably due to the possibility of 10-14 day quarantine secondary to mandatory random testing of those vaccinated-no one wants to commit 5-6 months out let alone a year.The groom's family who is well-traveled lives in central Illinois while my very small family is based out of NE US while we live in the Pacific Northwest. We chose a destination wedding as we don't have enough pto for a wedding and a honeymoon. The mid way point between our families (excluding ourselves) is Cleveland Ohio. Seriously just no, we didn't even bother contemplating that lol. For the family members on my side where it was an option they have left the country numerous times during covid and airfare is reasonable they are simply opting not to. These are primarily individuals who do not work and or are retired. For cousins, aunts etc we get it. For the groom's parent/sibling they are bowing out as they won't fly out of Chicago vs Peoria as it is possible it would be just his parent. We'd never see them or my family for the holidays if we sported the same attitude.PreCovid we spent thousands in travel cost, PTO each splitting the Thanksgiving and December holidays with both families as of course you only have so many holidays with them. However even with a regional airport in our backyard they will not travel to see us, ever. There will be no local wedding and we offered the invites with no financial support from anyone as were are in our latter 40s.We will simply have to downsize, make the small B&B nonexclusive for 2 of 4 nights if possible (we had the whole place booked) and take the financial break as a stress reliever. We can't afford to totally change plans without losing thousands in deposits. It just would have been nice if people had been realists from the get go about the possibility of travel to Calgary/Canmore. Would have saved us many many hours of trying to find them the best spot to meet their needs and yes would have then chosen an even more remote elopement. This was the actual compromise lol. However yes it will be quite lovely to have a very small close gathering of friends and absolutely no family fyi from either side attending. We have chosen to focus on that piece as opposed to the rant above. I wish you all the happiest of wedding days! Namaste 🙏 ❤️
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  • Brittany
    Featured August 2023 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    This also depends on how early you sent out invites. For destination weddings it is very common to send out save the dates with all booking details minimum a year before the wedding. This gives people the more affordable option to pay it slowly over the months, instead of a huge cost of usually around $2,000 per person a mere 3-4 months before the wedding. That is a large upfront cost that some people do not have lying around in their bank account, especially if you are asking a couple where it is now $4,000.

    We were planning on doing one as well and we asked around a year and a half before the actual date. Just so people can prepare and come up with funds to put down a deposit and book, then they would have over a year to pay it down with comfortable monthly payments.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    It is true destination weddings can get expensive. The package of the travel agent can add up quickly. Not everyone can attend as myself due to financial aspect. You will have less people coming as expected and to have a local wedding instead.
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  • Julie
    Featured May 2023 Ontario
    Julie ·
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    OH no! So sorry to hear that. Frustrating. Take a deep breath and maybe give them all call/email and see where their heads are at?? If people are on the fence, and you still want a destination wedding, go with your gut. Make this about the two of you. You can always celebrate in a small way back home. Smiley heart Do not let this get to you down.

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  • Carine
    Featured September 2023 Ontario
    Carine ·
    • Dispute

    With the travel restriction (thanks Covid) and being a destination wedding most people tend to back out, even location wedding people back out. I've read on here a lot of brides who had last minute cancelations. My friend 3 days before the wedding had 10 cancelations, that was not including the ones that canceled before she had to give her numbers.

    I wouldn't get down, it happens to most of the brides you will see it as a pattern on here. I was having a hard time with reducing my numbers for my wedding and my brother joked about having a destination wedding and seeing how fast the numbers will drop for me. Elope at your dream location with your closest friends and family and then come back and have a party for all your friends and family who couldn't make it. My cousin got married in st-lucia and she had her parents and her sister and husband, and on his side he had his parents with his brother. from the photos it looked like a beautiful wedding with the most important people in her life. Don't be so hard on yourself and your guests.

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