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Frequent user September 2019 British Columbia

How to tell flowers girls mom we decided not to have a flower girl...

Chanelle, on November 19, 2017 at 12:57 Posted in Wedding ceremony 0 8

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Unfortunately right after we got engaged (less than 24 hours) we met with a couple friends of ours and I said “oh yeah sure *Katie can be our flower girl!”
Very shortly after while talking to my fiancé, and after deciding on a no-kids wedding, it was causing me so much anxiety because I really really did NOT want a baby in the wedding. After our engagement party we also realized it wasn’t really fair for all the other people whose kids would not be allowed to come. Fiancé and I decided a couple weeks after getting engaged that we did want any flower girl.
Here’s the thing - Katie is 1 year old, will be 3 by the wedding so obviously won’t remember anything anyway. I’m only nervous about telling her mom (dad won’t care, he’s a groomsman anyway). They live a ways away from us so we haven’t seen them since we decided this.
How do I go about telling her, in a nice and understanding way, that we won’t be having a flower girl at all and therefore her daughter won’t be in the wedding?
TIA for your help!
*name changed for confidentiality

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Latest activity by Erin, on November 21, 2017 at 09:28

Master September 2017 Ontario
Erin · On November 21, 2017 at 09:28
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I think being upfront and honest is the best policy. It is probably going to be tough conversation but I don't think you should leave it too long. I'm sure your friend will understand. I think you should definitely mention that you are making it fair for everyone and that it is not a knock on them or their daughter.
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Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
Jes G. · On November 20, 2017 at 20:03
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It's very kind of you to consider their feelings. Having that said, this event is still you and your fiance's day and however you want to arrange anything is up to you two. I understand because I am a 'yes girl' in many aspects but will put my foot down once I've had enough. Your suggestion of telling them politely about it is the best option. Unfortunately, we can't control how others feel or react but at the end of the day doing what's best for you guys is key! Wishing you the best!
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Devoted May 2018 Quebec
Jen889 · On November 20, 2017 at 16:14
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Theres two ways you could go about it.

1. Tell them you changed your mind upfront.
Or
2. Just leave it be for now and if she asks then say you changed your mind. Most likely she wont bring it up again if its two years from now (thats what i understood, sorry if it was wrong) and you or your FH dont mention anything.

Either way dont feel bad about changing your mind. Its your wedding and you guys can choose what you like. We are having two flower girls, we have two really good friends with little girls and couldnt choose. We also worded it that besides the bridal party, there are no kids allowed at our wedding. We have many friends and family with little ones, mostly 5 and under, we didnt want a giant kids fest lol but we wanted to include the two little girls. Everyone is ok with it so far and we are 6months out.
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Super September 2017 Ontario
Ap2017 · On November 20, 2017 at 14:35
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I would just tell them that in the initial excitement of the engagement you agreed to it but now that you've had a chance to sit down and really start planning, your vision has changed a bit and you're not including kids in the wedding at all. It's really easy to get swept up in the moment and agree to things before you do your actual planning.
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Super May 2018 Ontario
Chloe · On November 19, 2017 at 14:37
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Aw, that's tough! I'm sure they'll be understanding though!
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Super July 2017 British Columbia
Daphne · On November 19, 2017 at 14:26
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I would explain it exactly how you described it in your post here. "We've decided not to have any kids at our wedding and to be fair to everyone, we've also decided to not have a flower girl to keep with it being a no kids wedding. I hope you can understand."
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Expert July 2018 Alberta
Marina · On November 19, 2017 at 13:26
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I do not think there is anything wrong in un-asking your friends.
If I were you I would sit down and explain that we decided not to have any children to the wedding. And to this extend, in order to avoid awkward situation with other guests that have kids, we decided to omit the flower girl tradition. And that if we did follow it, Katie would look so great and so, but it is only fair for everyone.
Or something like this anyway!
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Frequent user September 2019 British Columbia
Chanelle · On November 19, 2017 at 13:00
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*Correction - Fiance and I decided a couple weeks after getting engaged that we did NOT want any flower girl
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