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M
Curious May 2020 Yucatán

How to let go of a bridesmaid...

Megan, on September 29, 2019 at 19:22 Posted in Before the wedding 0 8
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HELP.

Ok so we are having a destination wedding next May in Mexico and I’m super excited but I have a dilemma... I regret asking my one friend to be my bridesmaid.

From the get go she’s not been reliable at all. Whenever me and the other bridesmaids would start a group chat to discuss things, she would leave us on read and not reply or give her opinions. It wasn’t the biggest deal to me at the time but now it’s getting to me. Lately she has changed as a person and it just doesn’t feel like she was the friend I asked to be a bridesmaid in the first place. It never really felt like she cared to be a bridesmaid and now she’s hinted to me that she might be struggling financially which I completely understand and don’t want that to be the reason I ask her to step down as a bridesmaid but I also know for a fact that she has paid in full for her trip to Mexico and I’m not sure she would get her money back if I asked her to step down. It’s not that I don’t want her to come to the wedding but I just don’t want to have to stress about her anymore. My other bridesmaids have already complained to me that she is unreachable and is leaving all the planning to them. I know I need to talk to my friend in person about this but it feels like she’s avoiding me at the moment. She doesn’t answer her phone and she cancels on plans so I don’t even know how I would be able to have a sit down chat with her.

Does anyone have any advice on how to ask a bridesmaid to step down?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Irene, on June 29, 2023 at 08:52
  • S
    Newbie February 2021 Florida
    Sharon ·
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  • Jenna
    Curious September 2020 New Brunswick
    Jenna ·
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    There is nothing easy about this situation, the bottom line is that it’s you and your fiancé’s day. You need to do what you feel is best for you.
    Talk face to face with this said bridesmaid and let her know how your feeling, if they get upset and don’t speak to you than clearly they aren’t a true friend.
    I had a similar issue except it was a friend I wanted to have as a bridesmaid and my other bridesmaids don’t care for her. I chose to still ask her stand with me because it’s my day, the other girls will get over it.
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  • Megan
    Curious November 2019 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    I was in a similar situation! Talking helped rather than texting (once I could finally get her on the phone). And I gave her a soft out, just saying that if she had any worries about the financial or time constraint of being involved that I didn't want her to feel burdened. She hadn't wanted to participate anymore but thought I would be angry or disappointed. By bringing up that either way I was completely okay with it, she felt comfortable being more honest.
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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Speak to her and see whats going on maybe she has some family issues. but call her or see her in person and ask her not to be apart of the day. she can still go to the wedding as a guest its still a trip to mexico!

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I'm sorry this is happening to you - confrontation sucks, it just does. Unfortunately, I think it's best you talk to her and figure out what the issue is.

    If it ends up being something that you can resolve, then definitely keep her in and just make sure she understands your expectations like Katelyn said. If it's something that you're not ok with, sever the ties as best you can.

    You don't need extra stress for your wedding, so I hope this gets resolved painlessly!

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  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    I wonder if the financial strain of everything else being a bridesmaid is too much? Maybe she is embarrassed that she can't participate more and withdraws... maybe it is less about not being a good friend and more about being afraid of letting you down. I know that avoiding something is more hurtful but if she is struggling it may be her way of dealing. Hopefully you'll get a chance to talk it out with her.
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  • M
    Curious May 2020 Yucatán
    Megan ·
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    Thanks ladies, I think I’m just going to have to muster up the courage and talk to her. I have to at least give her a chance to talk.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Honestly, it sounds like you are going about it the right way by trying to see her in person - so the only thing I can say is that I agree that stepping down is best. State the facts, allow for explanation, and then depending on the answers is when it's your call. I've had people who I thought I was really close to have a complete breakdown and not tell me and then I'm sitting here thinking they hate me. Girls like to talk and let things out, but we are also really good at keeping secrets that would/could otherwise reflect badly on us.

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  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn ·
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    I think you really need to find time to talk to her on the phone. Make it clear how urgent the situation is. Explain how she is acting and how its making you feel and leave it to her. If she is defensive or unaffected tell her you need to ask her not to be a bridesmaid. If she is apologetic then keep her on and just be clear of your expectations. I had to fire a bridesmaid and it wasn't pretty but to be fair she hadn't paid for anything. I think it is clear she cares about you if she's willing to pay that much money to travel to be at your wedding. This is probably a misunderstanding.
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