How to handle pregnant bridesmaid- she's due way before wedding

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Thanks Meaghan, that's what I am currently watching happen to my future sister in law. But she actually has a 10 month old and was able to still attend and do everything. I feel like it all depends on the person if willing to or not. I am going to try and see if her and I can make time to see eachother alone to discuss it all.

I was in a wedding in March where I went from guest, to bridesmaid, to co-moh to solo moh because the original maid of honour has 2 young children and couldn’t handle the responsibilities. She wouldn’t help the bride with planning or anything, so I stepped in to help a frazzled friend, then I became a bridesmaid I helped with all the planning, did the bachelorette party, which the other comoh chose to not attend, and then worked closely with the mother of the bride to plan the shower. Comoh told the bride she didn’t want to share in the duties, and stepped down to bridesmaid. Weeks before the wedding, she dropped out completely.
I’ll give you the perspective of the comoh who didn’t drop the ball; if sucks to do everything and then have someone else get credit. However at the end of the day, your bridal party is there to support you. Have a firm conversation as soon as you’re able to, that way any hurt feeling will have time to subside by the wedding. If she’s not pulling her weight and trying to derail your rules about what is and isn’t happening on YOUR wedding day, then perhaps she shouldn’t be in the wedding party.

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I would try the "looking out for her best interest standpoint" as that seems to be what she is doing? It may end up being a relief for her but who knows. Sisters are tough haha glad I've just got the one to deal with! She declined MOH because my best friend has more wedding experience and is in the same city (made it easy for me). In the end its just a title and everyone should feel blessed to spend the best day of your life with you, guest/family/wedding party alike! Good luck fellow bride

View quoted message Thanks Erin! That helps for sure, I feel it’s harder to say it because she’s my sister and I thought after saying few times she understand. I’m going to have to find a time where she can talk just us and go over it with her. See what she says go from there

Hey Becky,

I've had a couple tricky interactions so far myself (freshly engaged lol) and with some weddings I've been a part of in the past. I think if your gut is telling you having her as the MOH isn't going to work and its only causing stress you should ask her to just attend as a bridesmaid or a guest even. I would explain (and I have had to already for our wedding) that we want everyone to have a relaxing and enjoyable time with the least amount of stress possible. MOH is a big job! Also for the fun parts coming up (shower/bachelorette) most people want their full bridal party there with them to not only organize and set up but because they are your bridal party!! If she already knows she wont be able to handle it then she should be stepping down herself. When I asked my party I gave them all an option to decline (I've been in 4 weddings so I get the stress of it). Everyone should feel special to be present regardless, not wrapped up in who is standing where. You may also need to remind her that it is not her wedding and as the MOH she should be looking out for you first and making alternate arrangements for herself. I don't think you are being unreasonable with the kids thing either, again its your choice. I can feel your stress through the computer and sympathize!! Hope things go smoothly and everyone understands, it will all blow over in the end. From what I've heard weddings always seems to stir up a little drama haha

Cheers!

Erin

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Thanks Holly! its really good to hear it from both views. She's due in December but won't be allowed to go past 36 weeks and will have them this November and the wedding is next September. The bachorlette I can see, I would imagine a night out would be hard if they are that young. I was just really disappointed in not wanting to partake in anything else. I just thought its over a year a way why can't you find a sitter. She has someone who babysits full time for her and has offered to take them that night. I just would like to enjoy my wedding too, she would like the babies with her when we get ready and the whole day/night. I can't handle that either. I love my sister but I need some no children time too. I feel because she didn't tell me when I asked it has caused this situation to end crappy regardless. She told me a week after I had asked, if I new I could have asked her bunch of questions to see if we were on same page before asking. I am so happy for her don't get me wrong.

So I'm answering this in both the bride planning a wedding perspective and the 6 months pregnant perspective lol
So I can see the spirit from both side!
For the no kids past 8pm, km team bride! Lol my baby will be 6/7 months at our wedding and as soon as the dinner is over, bye bye baby. We also have a no kids rule so our baby will be the only one and we agreed to hire someone to watch the baby till one of our parents can take over after the wedding. It's a super simple fix!
He being upset about the stag and doe being in a community centre seems to be just her personal issue so I can't help you there.
But for the bachelorette I honestly don't blame her in wanting no part of that, typically those are a fun girls night out with wine and other fun which she just can't do (depending on when you plan it and when she is due) if she's already given birth but babies are still really young then I still don't blame her. For the shower, I'd she's heavily pregnant then yes I understand why she would just attent as a guest and not help out but if she's already given birth then I really don't see why she can't spare the extra hour or so to help set up.
I'm not sure when she's due, and your wedding is over a year away.. I'm due beginning of November and right now I'm too tired to even plan my own wedding and that won't change after the baby is born. But given the timeline of your wedding, he babies being 10 months at the time of the wedding than I'd say she is probably just using this as an excuse to not do as much but still be MOH..
To be completely honest I wouldn't want a pregnant/new mom as my MOH just because there is so much they will not want to do and of rather not feel guilty nagging them when I could just rely on someone else and still include them as a special part of my day.

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Thanks Brittany, I am going to try once again sitting down with her and asking if she can handle it all and go through everything need her to be there for. There is others in my wedding party who have very young children and they don't have issues with babysitters or all of that either (wedding party can bring their kids as well).

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Thanks Tori! The only reason I said till 8pm is because some of the kids are really bratty and I know the one sister just lets them run wild and doesn't look after them. This was only reason why said it. My sister also wanted the babies at the head table which i didn't want either. Just because if crying happens and speeches and all that. I don't expect her to leave babies at home I would love for them to be in family photos and all that and be there. I just know how my sister gets in stressful situations. She wants the babies there the whole day- getting ready, during photos, till she leaves that night type thing. I just don't have kids either and i can adjust but also want to relax and not stress about it. I have her as the Matron of Honor and the other Maid of honor.

I appreciate all your advice!

If her babies will be 10 months old, and you know she's already good with formula, and it's not her first kid(s), I think it is totally possible to work out a babysitting plan. I understand making compromises for moms who need it, but it sounds more like your sister just wants to be the exception, and she's okay with other people not being allowed kids, but oh-my-gosh, that doesn't include her...

Maid Of Honour is a roll for the person who helps the bride from bridal shower to stag & doe to bachelorette, even to being there by your side on the big day (through the reception)... so if she's not attending most of the functions, definitely not helping plan any of them, and thinking she's gonna have 3 kids to handle at the wedding... she simply can not be a MOH... in the essence of what that person is supposed to do/be.

I would just tell her you love her, but you think you both will be much happier and less stressed if she can just be your sister for that day, and not have extra things to be worrying about.

I know that when my mom was getting married she had wanted her sister in the wedding party but she was pregnant as well - although she too gave birth before the wedding day. IMO I think that telling her to leave the babies at home or even to leave at 8pm is a bit much. If it were my wedding I would say that babies under 1 or even 1 and a half could stay.

Now.... for the whole she can't do anything - if my sister who is the MOH were to get preggo and tell me all of that and how she won't be able to help out - I would tell her that I have decided that it is in both of our interest to have her step down. At the wedding itself you could address her as an Honourary MOH and acknowledge the fact that you would have loved to have her by your side? As well then you could mention your other sister that you aren't having in your wedding party either.

Point is - I would tell her that you have decided to have someone else as you MOH and if she wants to pout about it then chalk it up to her hormones as she is pregnant.