How to handle family and the guest list.

I totally see why you want a more intimate ceremony - and if you invite one aunt/uncle, it feels like you automatically have to include all of them. I would stick to your guns - while extra guests at the ceremony shouldn't drive costs up, it sounds like a matter of keeping it small.

It's definitely hard to stick with your decisions, especially when getting backlash from family, but at least these people that the dads want invited will be at the party I'm guessing? They might not even care that they are only invited to the party the next day.

You two have thought out what you really wanted and how it should be. Just because some of the family isn't being invited as you have grown up in their eyes, need to attend the wedding itself. You will have a nice personal family wedding that is to your heart desires. If FFIL persists to question, just say honestly we want you guys only and everyone else the next day. If there are heart feelings within the family, its because they haven't helped to put anything towards the wedding and want to have your wedding to their way (which won't happen).

Be happy and stay true to your hearts without thinking twice about anything. Its your day and FH, no one else to tell you otherwise.

If the reason for a small ceremony is because you and your FH both agree that you want it to be more intimate - then stick to your guns. Maybe you could record it for the extended family though?

If the reason is money - then simply tell your Dad and FFIL that you can't afford it and if they want their other family there then you have to open it up to more extended family. You can't just invite one Aunt or one Uncle - so unless they are going to pay the difference to get a larger venue and more decor for the added seats.... stop bringing it up because it makes you feel bad for not being able to afford it. (That can even be a lie but it would probably get them to put up of shush up.)

Is there a reason you want the two day celebration? Or would it be better to have it all one day and less costs? I defiantly understand why they are upset but if the two day celebration the way you have planned is what you want then stick with it. Does your fh feel the same way as you and not mind everyone else missing out?