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Carly
Curious September 2020 British Columbia

Having to change my wedding date

Carly, on December 13, 2019 at 16:21 Posted in Wedding ceremony 0 14
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Hey Future Brides

So I'm looking for a little advice. My mom was just diagnosed with terminal cancer and they have told her that she may only have 6 months left. But that isn't really a guarantee. Since we don't know if she'll make it to the our Wedding in May of this coming year what we've decided to do is have a small legal ceremony at our home and then still get married in May but the ceremony will not be legal and we will have a friend preform the ceremony. What I am now struggling with is that I really loved the day May 23, 2020 and now I feel like I can't celebrate that as our anniversary since we aren't really getting married that day. We will likely get married in January or February and I keep looking at dates thinking well I don't really like that date. I wanted to get married December 21st to honor my mom since that was her wedding anniversary to my dad. But that's only a week away and I feel like a lot of my family won't be able to make it.

So I guess what I am wanting to get your opinions on is if you had to get married early for whatever reason what day would you celebrate as you anniversary? The day you legally got married? Or the day you have your wedding?


Sorry for the long post. Thanks!

14 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on December 22, 2019 at 00:15
  • Sara
    Beginner September 2020 Ontario
    Sara ·
    • Dispute
    I’m so sorry to hear about the news of your mother. My wedding is in April and my mother has stage 4 cancer.
    It’s hard but keep positive xox
    Celebrate the date you think best fits you!
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
    • Dispute

    Sorry to hear about your mom!! but you can celebrate you anniversary any date!! i would celebrate whatever date i want

    • Reply
  • D
    Frequent user June 2020 Saskatchewan
    Dawn ·
    • Dispute
    I would celebrate the day which means the most to you. Legal is just for the government.
    • Reply
  • Janaya
    Expert August 2019 Saskatchewan
    Janaya ·
    • Dispute

    I would celebrate the day you enjoyed your wedding Smiley smile I wouldn't worry about celebrating the date it was legal

    • Reply
  • Carly
    Curious September 2020 British Columbia
    Carly ·
    • Dispute

    Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. I think after talking about it with my fiance, seeing all your great advice and talking with my family, my fiance and I decided we will celebrate our original wedding date. Thank you all so much this is truly the most amazing community!

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Curious August 2022 Ontario
    Emily ·
    • Dispute

    So sorry to hear, thoughts are with your family!

    I think you should celebrate on the day that feels the most special to YOU (as in both of you), your anniversary is the celebration of one year of being an unbreakable, strong couple and its the anniversary of the day that you feel you started that journey. So whatever day feels right for both of you is the day you should ultimately go with!

    • Reply
  • M
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    Megan ·
    • Dispute

    Hi Carly,


    Sorry to hear that for your mom and your family. Love and thoughts to you all Smiley heart


    I was going to suggest the same thing Amelia did: celebrate both days! You can pick which one you want to celebrate afterwards, or you can do small things both days. Do a little remembrance of your intimate ceremony on that day, and a bigger bash/gifts/getaway on the legal day. Or vice versa. It's totally up to you! Remember: a lot of marriage is a social construction, so you can construct it however the heck feels best for you!!

    If you're struggling with the decision, set aside an evening, order a pizza and some wine (or whatever is lazy comfort food for you and your fiancé) and have a conscious conversation with your partner about how you want to proceed with it. Process your feeling about all the possible dates and weddings and ceremonies and commit to making a decision. Best of luck to you, your mom, and your family.

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Your mom is a fighter and will get through her cancer in the time given. Your point of having the wedding earlier may be best to do for your mom present and celebrating your reception next year in May. A simple wedding with the Officiant to make it official and the vendors there and for the date set next year.

    In the view of getting married with friends and family next May, it seems great though spending the same amount of money on an Officiant can be saved. The wedding video can be shown for guests to see your marriage

    • Reply
  • BunnyBride
    Super August 2334 Nova Scotia
    BunnyBride ·
    • Dispute

    First, sorry to hear about your mom. Getting that kind of news, especially around this time of year, is hard.

    I agree with Madisyn. It is what you feel best with celebrating. I had a friend who got legally married three days before their destination wedding ceremony (from what I was told the amount of hoops and paperwork would have tripled to get legally married there at the destination). They decided the wedding ceremony day was the official anniversary. This year they planned a anniversary trip that started on the legal date and finishes the day after their ceremony anniversary to incorporate both! There are so many ways to celebrate, and I think it's more important for the anniversary to remind you of the "why" rather than a specific date.

    Do what feels best for you! :-)

    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute

    So sorry to hear about your mom. There is never a good time to receive that news, but this must be especially hard for both of you with your wedding coming up.

    I like what Madisyn is saying, that your big day can be the anniversary date.
    I plan to keep acknowledging the day we met (which we use as our anniversary date because we couldn't agree on what our first date was) even though it isn't the day of our marriage it's still an important date to us. I think you can pick the one that feels the most significant (even after both have happened) and celebrate how you want. Maybe you'll have a standing lunch date on your court wedding anniversary and exchange gifts on your wedding day celebration anniversary. Or vice versa!
    I guess what I'm saying is it sounds like a wonderful excuse to make a unique tradition for the two of you.
    • Reply
  • Madisyn
    Expert February 2020 Ontario
    Madisyn ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    No problem! May 23rd is also my best friend's s birthday so I just think it's a great day 😉
    • Reply
  • Carly
    Curious September 2020 British Columbia
    Carly ·
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    View quoted message

    Hi Madisyn! Thank you so much for the perspective! Since we will be celebrating out wedding May 23, 2020 it does make sense to celebrate our anniversary on the same day. It's nice that you are getting legally married on Valentines day because like you said if you wanted to celebrate when you legally got married you have a excuse too!

    • Reply
  • Madisyn
    Expert February 2020 Ontario
    Madisyn ·
    • Dispute
    Also, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. I hope you are able to spend the next few months making memories together. And I can only hope that she makes it to both of your ceremonies.
    • Reply
  • Madisyn
    Expert February 2020 Ontario
    Madisyn ·
    • Dispute
    Hey Carly! We are having a destination wedding on April 11th, 2020 and we are getting legally married on February 14th, 2020 with a very small group of people. Since April 11th is the day that I will be in my dress, we will exchange vows and rings, and really do everything else, that is the day that we will be celebrating. It's nice that we also have Valentine's day as an excuse to celebrate February if we ever wanted to. Ultimately, you and your husband will be celebrating this day as a couple... Celebrate whichever feels best to you! Or celebrate both!
    • Reply

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