Guest's Children

View quoted message

@Kara thanks for asking this. i am having a wedding without little ones invited and it is going to state on our wedding website that there will be no little's ones as much as we love them. Don't let the haters get you down. I completely get it!

View quoted message I don’t think OP was suggesting her day was so important that everyone should abandon their priorities for the sake of her wedding. She wants her wedding to be adults only for whatever reasons she has and it appears some guests want to bring their children. Naturally, she wants those she invited to attend and is trying to find a solution, such as a sitter. If they cannot find a sitter, they should simply decline. OP was just trying to find a polite way to say “no kids.”

You can explain there is limited seating capacity and you do not have the ability to allow all children to attend. If you tell someone your event is “adults only” but you made exceptions for some guests, you may receive some backlash from those guests that were advised the event is adults only (not that I agree with this, but just be aware it may happen). We allowed children for immediate family, but not friends because many of FH’s friends have children and we do not have space for them all. We did not specify anything on our invitations, we just addressed our invites to Mr. and Mrs. X and everyone got the message. I would try to explain budget / space limitations, but if people are not flexible then I would accept that they might not be able to come.

When i sent out our invitations, i added an extra note to parents with kids mentioning that we would like a child-free day. Most would be coming from out of town, so i offered to provide a babysitter for those that couldn't find arrangements with other relatives or whatnot. Our church has a basement with sunday school rooms with colouring and crafts and toys, so they should be ok for the 30 minutes during the ceremony with someone watching them. I will be working with the families who need a sitter to provide an off-site sitter during the evening / reception

I think that if you give them enough notice, they should be able to arrange for someone else to watch their children.

I'm not sure what kind of venue you are having, but a wedding I recently went to set up all the children in another room, they brought a TV and let the kids watch movies the whole evening, kept them occupied and allowed everyone to enjoy their evening. Parents would randomly take turns going to check on all the children, there was nobody really designated for that, although there were a few older children in the room with them.

We made a note on our wedding website that as much as we like children they are not invited to our wedding. Most of our friends understood and were really excited for a couples weekend away. We did have the one exception for kids of our niece and nephews as there was no one else to watch them for the weekend and the 2 eldest nephews were our ring bearers. I think you gave everyone ample notice and that if you want your wedding mostly child-free then you can definitely say no to those asking to bring their children. OR, if you are feeling exceptionally nice and have a budget surplus (when does that ever happen with a wedding), you could hire a babysitting service and the kids could technically still come. At the end of the day though it is YOUR wedding and you should see your vision come to life.

Thanks Sara... I did not expect to start an argument on here... was just looking for suggestions! And because my line about getting a sitter seemed to spark so much anger, our save the dates went out more than 6 months in advance and formal invites a couple of months in advance. I was only suggesting that people with older children whose entire families won't be at the wedding had plenty of time to make arrangements. I never suggested my wedding is the most important thing to anyone else. Honestly, as we have been together for over a decade, the wedding itself is more of a formality anyway. If someone can't make it, that's their decision. No hard feelings on my end as I understand everyone has a lot going on in their lives.

Why oh whyyyy does this topic always lead to so many snide remarks and holier than thou attitudes?!

OP doesn't come across to me as having an attitude problem at all, so I don't get where others are picking that up? I read the "no clue why they can't get a sitter" line as in reference to the parents on the guest list who say they can't come if they can't bring their kids but not providing any further explanation. Do they necessarily need to provide one? No. But I would find it quite surprising to hear from people who I thought I was important enough to that I invited them to my wedding, that they aren't able to find a sitter with months of notice. That seems odd to me.

I get that everyone's situation is different and people may have valid reasons why not being able to bring their kids means they can't go, but honestly, for most people it seems to be much more a matter of priority than ability. Certainly, your kids should be the most important thing in the world to you, but if you refuse to have a life outside of your kids, is that really a healthy, balanced way to live? If you can't make someone else a priority for one evening (assuming your children do not have special needs that mean you truly cannot be away from them for 8 hours), then I'm sorry, but you're not a particularly good friend. Parenthood isn't the be all end all of life - other people matter too.

Obviously, it's totally different for out of town guests. That might not be so easy and I would not take it personally if I had some guests who said they can't come up for the weekend if they can't bring the kids. That's far more understandable.

View quoted message Also. As a basic side note. It is YOUR wedding, meaning it has no bearing on other people's lives besides your own. Do what you want for your day, but everyone needs to drop the idea that their wedding is as important to the rest of the world as it is to you.

View quoted message I disagree with this, mainly because it’s my wedding and about my fiancé and my family and the close friends we call family. It doesn’t have to be put in a way of the attitude of “it’s one night” or “it’s your loss” but still I can’t afford to have all my friends come let alone their kids due to the fact that I have 3 families of my own which 2 are large and then my fiancé’s family which is also large. Also if a person is given 6 months in advance notice that they can’t bring their kids to a wedding then I’m sure that is enough time to find a suitable babysitter. When I have kids I know even if our family was unable that I would have a sitter so that my fiancé and I would be able to have a date night once in a while. Everything is a choice, we are planning to have no children under 13 at our reception and those who are will be family and I’m choosing that because for every 2 kids that’s 1 less adult I can invite. A person who doesn’t want to look at getting a sitter is choosing to not come to the wedding. I’m not saying it’s the wrong choice, just everyone’s personal preference.

View quoted message I agree with this. So many reasons on both sides of this one. All very valid.

If you are doing adults only just state you would like your event to be 18+. I personally find it offensive to be told to "get a sitter" because it honestly isn't that easy or that they want me to "be able to relax". My idea of relaxed is my entire family together, so that honestly just irritates me. I also can't stand the "it's one night" or "it's your loss" attitude about it, because to me it's YOUR loss not hanging out with the whole family. Just try to stay as firm, upfront and humble as possible. Just a different perspective for you. 😊

It’s not always as easy as some people think it is to find a sitter. Especially if most of your family or friends are invited to the same event.

Today my fiancé and I sat down to decide if we were actually going to go on a honeymoon. Right now the decision is we can’t. Why? Because we can’t find anyone that come stay at our house and watch them. Other people have lives, work, and some aren’t well enough. That’s just life. So yeah if I can’t find someone I trust to watch them while I go on my honeymoon I can see how some people have trouble finding a sitter for a wedding.

I’m not saying you need to invite kids. There are many reasons people don’t. All of them very valid. But please drop the “I don’t see why they can’t get a sitter” attitude. Just accept that if kids aren’t invited their parents may not be able to attend.

As parents we make these sacrifices. For me it’s no honeymoon. Others it’s not attending a wedding because they can’t bring their kids.

I did not put anything on my invitation or website, we also have family coming from out of country who are bringing their children, plus our only niece and nephew who are also our ring bearer and flower girl. I have had friends ask and I have politely told them it is an adult-only event, which most of them have understood, since their weddings were as well. I did mention that family will have their children there...so they aren't surprised and offended.

I don't think it should be a shock to people if children are not invited to a wedding and if they don't want to try and find a sitter, then they are the ones missing out - not you.

We are doing the same. No kids except for 1 family coming from BC. I just wrote on the invitation at the bottom "Although we do love all of your little cherubs we would request that our

wedding remain adults only. So book a sitter and dust off those dancing shoes!"

People can be difficult but just tell them to find someone because you really want them to enjoy their night and they can have a kid free evening!

We are putting on our invitation: “Kiss the kids goodnight and come enjoy our adult-only, Child free day and Night!” To make it clear. We will also say something on our wedding website.

This is our details insert, it says:

"In order to allow all guests, including parents, an evening of relaxation, we have chosen for our wedding day to be an adult only occasion. We hope this advance notice means you are still able to share our big day and will enjoy having the evening off!"

We then reiterate this on the wedding website.

We may have to make an exception for one person, their baby will be 6-7 months old, we will see if they are comfortable leaving her at home with Grandma for the evening (the dad is one of the groomsmen, so we want them to be able to relax/enjoy if possible).

Kindly say we it's an adult event only. The invitations should always indicate the etiquette to avoid any questions and additional counts.

Here's a link to 27 ways to announce an adult-only wedding:

https://theweddingplaybook.com/adults-only-wedding-wording/

Hope this helps!

My wedding will be adults only as well but the only exception I will be making is if they have a baby under 1 in which the mother can't be away from the baby as it is too new. For my out of town guests they can leave their kids with some grandparents that aren't invited to the wedding. We will be using a little poem I found on Pinterest "We want you to enjoy the night; Give kids time to sleep tight. We thought it's but right, To make this a "for adults" invite." Something like this - but I assume a simple "18+ wedding" would work as well (Or I think in your case 19+?)