Groom not so... excited?

Casey are you still on here??

There were some highlights and lowlights of where my husband was excited to look forward.

HIGHLIGHTS:

Venue he knew that would work and it did for the price.

Favours chosen that he approved upon from a variety shown.

Cake and assorted pastries tasted by local bakery and realizing on how realistic to be vs. showpiece cake.

Wedding bands and paying towards them.

Outfit of his choice.

LOWLIGHTS:

Vendors pricing for the service.

Online shopping for small items to save costs

Hearing about in laws ways of wedding dont's.

However, he made some compromises about what to expect and what he knew wouldn't work when we fought. Its all part of the process and just carry on and let him come around when he's ready. Time will catch up to him realizing he will want to see what's happening and the ring choice i'm sure of.

I think a lot of the Men feel as if the wedding planning is all up to the Women.

That being said he may not want to be "burdened" with the planning, and will really only get involved once things start happening.

He should still WANT to help and WANT to assist where he can. I would say maybe sit down and have this conversation with him. Tell him he seems as if he may not want this or that he is not interested and call him out on it. You won't find out whats going on in his head until you talk to him.

Maybe he doesn't have a lot saved up but doesn't want to tell you? Which is why he is shrugging it off? It could be a million and one things.

I do hope everything works out well with you none the less.

How is it going now? I hope it's all coming together. I was wondering if it would help to have times together where there is no wedding talk, and just time to hang out and have fun and talk about other things? Our planning felt like it consumed us at times. It was really hard to find the time but we tried going out for dinner a few times and weren't allowed to talk about anything wedding related lol! I found it helped a lot though, because it forced us to focus on 'us' again.

Mine is similar he just doesn't want to be involved in a lot of it just told me his must have and that was it lol just said don't go crazy

View quoted message I feel you. my FH left a lot of the planning in my hands, as I have more access to local vendors, but asked for his input on something that mattered most: food & beverage-- we're trained as Chefs, so we're super fussy!
i also wanted his input on a first dance song- he said "not Ed Sheeran"- and left it at that, so in turn I chose Living Out My Dreams by Roch Voisine.

he sound like most grooms, it will be ok just talk to him maybe he wants a small or a jop wedding????

Casey,
Do you feel all this planning you are taking upon you to put his guard up? Michael was true with whay he said since it can relate to my husband.

I had to ask my FH about purchases i was looking into to get his point of view. Half the the time, he seemed to think it's a waste of money. Other important conversations, he ws involved and wanted to give his input.

Do you feel he would rather go for a court wedding and just get it over with? Invite onky family and go for dinner after and say it's done. He does need to feek that passion and to ve there with you to give the support too.

Sorry for the late reply to everyone's responses. I ended up deleting this app for a bit thinking I was stressing myself out too much. It's not that I didnt try to sit down and figure out why he had no interest; I figured he wouldn't be too interested in the planning, I just wanted straight forward answers from him about what day - which I ended up choosing cause I felt strongly about it and he "didn't care" and where. He said tobme to do the research on venues and pricing and I did but when it came time to show him what I found he shut down... so that was irritating for me, mainly because I would say "oh this place" and he would say no without looking at it or discussing a few places, everything was no. In the time that I was off the app. I opened up to him about how I was feeling again that this has been ongoing for 2 years and nothing has moved forward, I gave him different options, still no answers... and as I said in the end I made a plan, told him what I wanted and he then agreed. So now I have a date and a venue, without his help and I'm fine with that, he's in charge of the marriage licence and tuxedos, that's all I wanted - guess I don't get why it's so hard to get answers for 2 important questions. (AND go figure I made our guest lists and he ended up adding to them, hmmm maybe that's why I asked him to make his list to begin with lol)

My FH flat old told me details aren't his thing. I wish he was more involved but as he says he just wants to marry me. He doesn't care what where why how. Which is sweet but at the same time annoying lol. But usually I research first, pick say 3 florists or 3 venues, they say "can we go over these tonight?" And we do process of elimination. It seems to work well. Maybe try to pick what you like first, then ask what he thinks. Then you'll feel likes he's giving input and he won't feel bombarded by wedding planning. Good luck!

My fiancé basically did the same thing, until i sat him down and i asked if he actually wanted to help plan it. He basically helped me pick a few things, and left me in charge of the rest. Grooms i find just don't really care about the wedding planning, and don't realize how much planning it actually takes to do so. Hopefully he will help you, but if not, don't fret. I'm sure friends and family will help you like mine did. Cheers fellow bride to be!!!

Hey Casey, I feel like maybe some grooms just aren't into the wedding planning. I'm feeling the same. I felt like I had to DRAG my fiance to see the venue I was thinking of for our wedding and he literally said NOTHING during this appointment which was so frustrating. I didn't know if he liked it, if he didnt.. I was so overwhelmed. We're getting married out of town so I ask him if he wants to come to other appointments with me but he pretty much works all the time. I went to the photographer appointment alone and booked it, met with the wedding planner alone, and will probably go to the florist alone. I understand he's busy, but I wish he wanted to be more helpful since it's a day thats reflective of both of us. I've tried to get his input for things, showing him photos, videos etc but its always "whatever will make you happy". He didn't give me his guestlist either.. I wrote out everyone I knew on his side and he told me to msg his mom to inquire about including anyone else. I knew I'd be planning our wedding I guess I just thought he'd have / want more input.

View quoted message Thank you for taking the time to post this!

View quoted message I am not the original poster, but thank you for this response. It's basically how my FH is feeling as well, with the exception that I would be happy eloping/doing something pretty casual (partly to reduce stress and financial strain but also because I feel that a wedding is what one makes it and shouldn't be based on "expectations"), and he is opposed to this, because he wants his family there (fair point) and he has also expressed that he wouldn't want me to regret not doing the big/fancy thing. Love getting the grooms' perspectives on these types of discussions. Best of luck planning !

Casey,
Being that I'm a groom, I must say that I am feeling that I am acting similar to your fiance' - not expressing/ displaying any sense of excitement. To be honest, it's not that I'm not interested in marrying my fiancé anymore - it's the stress that is getting to me - financially and the short time-line. In fact, we have had to have many serious discussions about the wedding, to address financial concerns, time-lines and guests.
I think if he is anything like me, he is probably finding it pretty stressful - possibly wondering if all this is worth the stress and money. If it were up to me, a destination wedding on a beach in white linen clothing, would satisfy me perfectly. However, what I want is not what she wants (especially with the Zika virus concerns in much of the tropical destinations) - I am just trying to make her happy with providing what she desires.
I could continue on an on about this, but i don't think I could add much that would give you any additional comfort. Know that he proposed to you for a reason and remind him why that is.

You have to sit down and talk frankly. My FH was driving me bonkers because EVERY time I asked him a question about the wedding he would had a silly ridiculous response, or else it would be "whatever you want" We sat down and talked about it and I told him how it was making me feel like I had to do everything and it was overwhelming. He wasn't trying to make me bonkers he was trying to lighten things up and not be demanding.

I had to have this chat with my husband to be. I explained to him how it felt that he wasn't excited at all and that it upset me that he couldn't even give me the slightest bit of help. He said its not that he wasn't excited, it was just that planning a wedding wasn't something even on his radar at all.

Since then, he's been more excited, still sucks at helping though haha.

Just trying sitting down with him and having a serious convo and let him know exactly how you feel and see how he feels about it all.

Most grooms don't care about all the wedding planning...they leave that up to us women...they just want to show up.

If it's really bothering you then ask him: do you still want to get married?

Sorry to hear this Casey! I know how discouraging this can feel.

I would straight up ask him what's up. Why he's being so evasive about the wedding. Maybe there's something else going on in his life that's keeping his attention away from it? Is he going through any stress that would make him want to put the wedding on hold? I think communication is the key here.

Do you guys have different views on what you want for a wedding? If you want a larger wedding and he wants a small one, maybe he's overwhelmed by requests to see venues, etc.

Hi Casey! Don't worry! I think most of the grooms sometimes feel like it's all to much planning. That's why maybe he is ignoring it.

Have you tried straight up asking him how he's feeling in a loving way? It's important for me to touch my fiancé and speak gently when I'm bringing up a... I wanna say negative? A negative topic. It's important for me to not sound frustrated, aggressive, or angry, and instead sound calm and loving. I have to remember all the things I love about him when I'm bringing up a touchy subject. If I don't, he can sense my anger and he gets defensive and it leads to a conversation of low blows and a battle of who's worse than who. Anyways, I'm rambling. But maybe if you approach him with all the love you have for him in the little things like grabbing his hand or whatever you two do to show love. If you approach him with love and say exactly what you said here and tell him that it's hard for you to share this, and maybe you're overreacting, and maybe he doesn't feel this way, but judging by his body language and his seemingly lack of interest in wedding tasks/topics, you wonder if he's exciting for the wedding at all, and ultimately wonder where the relationship is going, cuz it's hard for you to read what is happening but what you are reading from him, doesn't seem overly enthusiastic. If you create a safe place for him to open up then maybe he will and you'll get the answer you need pretty quick?

I think for the most part the grooms don't really seem to understand how much lead time a wedding takes. I would be upfront and tell him how it makes you feel when he isn't participating. he probably doesn't realize that it's upsetting you.
I hope that it gets easier for you!!

I'm sorry to hear this!

If he isn't communicating with you at all about the wedding then maybe this is something you should sit down and discuss. Some people spend a long time engaged before they get married. Just ask him what he thinks the timeline should be.

Let's just say the communication has just been flatlined since last year and I'm ready to move forward but he isnt???