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Becky
VIP September 2019 Ontario

FSIL refuses to get a babysitter

Becky, on September 4, 2019 at 09:32 Posted in Before the wedding 0 20
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Rant and advice needed

From the beginning we said no kids at the wedding - we gave all siblings a year and half to find a babysitter.

Everyone did but one- we get married next weekend and looks like she has no intention. We have asked multiple times why she can't ask certain people and just excuses. I don't know how to handle this as his mom doesn't see why she can't stay. My sister has paid for a babysitter (she as a three yr old and twins who are 8 months) and the girl drives few hours to stay for the weekend so my sister and my brother in law can help set up on friday, attend rehearsal, and stay with us night prior (their choice for staying) then we have a early 7am start for makeup 8am for hair and she lives 45 minutes from where we are getting ready

I said the kids could attend ceremony, dinner and leave directly following dinner. FH's other sister with three kids got a sitter who is picking them up at venue. His other sister who has one kid who is turning two shortly has not and doesn't look like she is going to. When discussing it she said worse comes to worse she can leave- I just think when comes down to it she will stay- her kid is a brat specially at night and won't do well.

How else can I approach this? Or what else should I do? We are not making an exception for her or I would of told everyone they could bring their kids.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on September 12, 2019 at 15:20
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Wow. whats she planning on doing having her kid the only one at your wedding? sounds like youve been more than comprising by saying her kid can come to the ceremony and dinner. youve already spoken to her so that hasnt been working. i would say "alright well you cant come then". its your wedding she should respect that no one else is bringing their kids and neither should she.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Thanks Rachael! Trying to and will be speaking with her parents this weekend

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    Glad you spoke to her and everything worked out!! Time to try to relax now before the big day!!
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Lol I believe it- from seeing this kid at past weddings 2 in the last year are prime examples going to tell her mom about why she shouldn't be there. I am hoping her parents will help inforce it after I ask.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I am going to try and talk to her parents this weekend and have them get on her butt about it. I don't think we should have to be regarding this.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Thanks Casey- I am going to try and talk to her mom this weekend and ask her to deal with it day of if isn't figured out prior.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Talked to her and she wasn't as upset as me just more upset for me because she knows how it bugs me. Thank you for your advice !

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  • Rachael
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Rachael ·
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    I agree with the others. Stand your ground because it's your right and you've given more than enough notice for this person to find a babysitter. She has no excuse.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I agree with the others that you need to stand firm and have someone tell her at 8pm that the kid has got to leave. We didn't specify "no children" at our wedding but most didn't bring theirs. The only ones who were older than a baby were my husbands niece and nephew and you better believe that we felt their presence there lol.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I agree with others and not budge on this. Have someone approach your FSIL at 8 pm and tell her it's time for the kid to leave.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I think Jennifer is right - don't budge on this. And if you need somebody to enforce it just make sure it isn't you.

    Only thing that I would say otherwise would be to get her parents to try and drill it into her brain that her kid isn't allowed after 8pm. It shouldn't be their problem - but it sure as heck shouldn't be yours or your FH's!

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    It is a very difficult position to be in. Honestly, I would flat out tell her there are no exceptions, and maybe pass it off to one of your parents to deal with on that day.

    If worst comes to worst, she will leave the reception with her child. I think just standing your ground and not making any exceptions is really the only way to go about it!.

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  • Jennifer
    Curious September 2019 Alberta
    Jennifer ·
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    I would leave that part to a designated person for day of. Literally anyone but you. You don't need to be dealing with spoiled brats on your wedding day girl! Ask someone (even your coordinator) to enforce this rule and then leave it in their hands and enjoy your night!
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    It ended up coming to your gonna have to leave at 8pm if you don't have a sitter. This is what my fh said but I don't think she took it seriously. I feel like as much as I hate conflict am going to have to flat out say that to her. I dread convo's like this and this is my only stresses regarding the wedding right now!

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  • Jennifer
    Curious September 2019 Alberta
    Jennifer ·
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    This might be a bit of a harsh response, but honestly, I would tell her flat out with no "wells" and "maybes" that children are NOT welcome at the reception or while getting ready, it is your final decision, and if she cannot respect your wishes on this one day then she will be asked to leave with her child. I had to do this with my sister, because she lost her MIND when we told her we were having a kids free wedding. She threw a fit and said she wasn't coming, I said okay cool, sucks to be you, we will have a blast without you. Then when she realized I wasn't going to budge she relented and got a sitter.

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I would just explain to your sister what's going on. Definitely explain this isn't what you want at all but unfortunately you can't control other people. I think your sister will understand.

    It's too bad your FH's sister is being like this - it's definitely one way to strain the relationship between herself and your FH.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I am just afraid of the backlash it will cause between me and my sister. We had argued about the babysitter and my mom hired one so she would do it. I know it will cause tension with my sister but its out of my control. I did let my mom know but not sure if should warn my sister or if this will make matters worse and cause her to be upset. My fh did talk to her desperately and it didn't matter then. He was first person to say something so it was nice wasn't from me.

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    To be honest, she is probably just selfish and wants to be an exception to the rule.

    As long as you and your FH are on the same page, I would have him speak to his sister - I don't think its your job to keep reiterating the point over and over because she's obviously not listening or caring.

    Perhaps if it comes from your FH directly, without you there, it'll have more meaning. She still may not care either way, which is obviously an issue but it's just one of those things.

    Don't let it ruin your day!

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Appreciate hearing it still- I am just annoyed the fact that she doesn't feel like she needs to but if anyone should be having their kids stay is my sister when her twins are young. Her kid is basically two and no reason she couldn't get a sitter. I just don't get how you don't understand no kids when her wedding didn't have kids at it! I guess at this point all I can do is remind her about babysitter. I asked what her plan was when we got ready and its basically hoping her parents can do it when they aren't getting ready with my fh. I told her absolutely not to having her when we get ready. Its tight spot as is and when we were in friends wedding a month ago it was constant screaming whole time.

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    This is really hard. My FSIL and my FH's cousin will both have kids just over a year old by the time our wedding comes. For this reason, my FH was adamant that kids be allowed (which, trust me, I didn't want). It also sort of made sense because anyone they would want babysitting will be at our wedding.

    I think definitely have your FH have a conversation with her but in all honesty, she's probably going to do whatever she wants anyway - whether she leaves early with the child or somehow ends up keeping the child there.

    I would tell your FH to discuss it with her and clearly ensure she understands it is a kid free reception. What she does after that is on her and not you. You've done your best to enforce your policy, no one can fault you for not doing that.

    This probably wasn't a very helpful comment but it is a tough situation for sure.

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