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Jenny
Frequent user September 2022 Ontario

Frustrated about the rehearsal dinner

Jenny, on July 25, 2022 at 13:48 Posted in Before the wedding 0 13
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So apparently when we first asked my fiancés dad to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner literally over a year ago he heard “host” and not “pay” and now is apparently shocked that they’re supposed to be paying for the rehearsal dinner 🙃 like okay then I guess we’ll just have to do it. His dad has complained more than once about how “far” our venue is (less than 30 minutes drive time), and my parents are paying for our entire wedding. We asked if my fil and his gf would be comfortable doing this and they said yes and I haven’t been saving for the rehearsal dinner at all. So what’s the best and most cost friendly way to do a rehearsal dinner? I’m trying not to be too upset about this but I just found out and I’m not happy about it

13 Comments

Latest activity by Elizabeth, on July 28, 2022 at 11:32
  • Elizabeth
    Newbie October 2023 Alberta
    Elizabeth ·
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    I agree so much

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  • Audrey
    Frequent user July 2022 Ontario
    Audrey ·
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    That is really disappointing to say the least, but I do agree that a rehearsal dinner is not just an opportunity to get the logistics of the ceremony worked out, but also a way to thank all the friends and family who have spent time and money to support you on your big day. I think if your FFIL isn't stepping up, it is something you'll have to take on, and I think given how busy you'll be, you don't want to add prep and clean-up to your plate. So, the inexpensive mexican place could work, or perhaps at least a cocktail / hors d'oevres style gathering could minimize the cost and clean-up. I'm sorry this landed in your lap!

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  • Jenny
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jenny ·
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    When we initially talked a year ago he had mentioned using his house. My fiancé mentioned maybe a bbq after my fil expressed shock about being expected to pay (even though I know I brought up when we asked them to host the rehearsal dinner that hosting includes paying) and my fil immediately suggested that we use our own backyard to do it so I’m assuming he’s not interested in having it at his house or hosting at all anymore.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    When you asked about having it at your FIL's house, did he object? You can pay for the food if he's hesitant to do so but at least he's on the hook for cleanup since he promised he'll host.

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  • Carine
    Featured September 2023 Ontario
    Carine ·
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    I would have a BBQ at his place and make him do the clean up. Or see about local catering and still do it at his place. If he somewhat offered to do it at his house.

    It sucks that he did that to you. My Fiance keeps telling me not to worry his parents will pay part of the wedding and I am going in as if like we are paying everything and if there's contribution great, if not it's okay I planned that way. You can plan something fun for 25 people, if you have a Costco I would get all your BBQ stuff there. But Mexican dinner doesn't sound like a bad idea and affordable for that many people.

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  • Jenny
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jenny ·
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    Our rehearsal is scheduled for the Thursday before the wedding. I wanted to avoid having it at our house because we don’t have a dishwasher and we’d be stuck doing all the cleanup. When we first talked my fil mentioned setting up extra tables at his house or renting a private room somewhere, so idk what happened with that but if it does happen at my house he’s not getting any hosting credits whatsoever.
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    We've decided against a rehearsal dinner. It's really not necessary to the both of us.

    Have you possibly thought of just not having one?

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  • Dessa
    Frequent user September 2023 British Columbia
    Dessa ·
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    We are hosting a backyard BBQ two days before the wedding. No hangovers for the big day and everyone can have a rest day between. It's tough to find this out so late in the game but hosting a happy hour with appetizers might be another option to a full blown meal. I'm sure whatever you plan will be great...best wishes!!
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Is your rehearsal set for a weeknight? Can it be done earlier in the day and you go for cocktails afterward instead of a full on dinner?

    Even if you do have a dinner, it doesn't have to be a lavish affair and you certainly don't need to make it one with alcohol served (that's usually where the cost adds up).

    Find places with fixed menus or pick a place and pre-order for everyone as opposed to letting people get free reign on what to order.

    Or host at home and pre-order meals from the grocery store (barbecue chickens, salads, sides, etc).

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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    We are hosting our rehearsal dinner at our house and BBQing for everyone. It's not very fancy, but we can probably do the whole dinner for under $150 then.

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  • Jenny
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jenny ·
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    It’s going to be about 24 or 25 people - that’s our parents and bridal party and us and that’s it. I’ve contacted a local Mexican place to see roughly how much it would be, I’m thinking it would be between $500 and $600 total if we do it there. I’d rather not cut the dinner but I’ve definitely been blindsided when we had previously discussed this and were told they were fine doing it.
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  • Brittany
    Featured August 2023 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    I am doing a rehearsal cocktail instead and everyone pays for themselves. Its really just a chance for everyone to meet before the wedding the next day. We are just going give heads up to a bar and let them know this many people will be coming. This will also be totally optional and if they do decide to come they do not have to stay while. It will start at 7pm and myself and FH will be leaving at 10 the latest considering the next day is going to be hectic! The people who decide to come don't even have to buy alcoholic beverage, they can literally order a coke and take off after saying hi.

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  • Malyssa
    Expert October 2022 Alberta
    Malyssa ·
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    How many people are you hosting for the rehearsal dinner? You could also look at just getting sandwich trays or something from your local grocer? Or you could go potluck style?

    Is it possible to cut numbers for the dinner so its less a cost to front? or cut the dinner all together?

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