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Newbie July 2023 British Columbia

Friendship Rift over Wedding Planning

Andrea, on February 9, 2023 at 15:04 Posted in Before the wedding 0 4

I recently had a rift with one of my closest gfs whom I have known for nearly 20 yrs. She is very type A and I truly y believe that she thought her suggestions about my upcoming July 2023 wedding were helpful but they were anything but. I was often left feeling like I needed to justify my choices. Like, for example when we ran into a snag with our officiant (due to our Bishop no longer sanctioning Deacons's to bless the sacrament of marriage as they were not higher level clergy) she suggested that I elope as it was far easier and cheaper even thought she knew this was not my vision.

She asked if I was going to be providing transportation for my guests between the ceremony and reception and seemed annoyed that I had not intended to do so. She is one of my most affluent gfs and she seemed to always be harping on costs and yet went on no more than a couple of weeks after this exchange to book an expensive 9 day trip for her and her husbands to the Dominican Republic as though cost was no object. I just felt so annoyed and hurt by her comments and it reached a breaking point when she started to ask what my fiancé was contributing to the wedding and whether he was pulling his weight wedding planning and also what my parents were contributing. It reached a breaking point for me and I asked that she refrain from commenting on my wedding, my loving and supportive partner and his contributions to my wedding and my parents and their contributions. I realize that this didn't leave a lot to talk about. I asked her for some space. That was a month ago and I am now feeling torn about sending out my save the date to her. We haven't spoken in the last month. I am over the worst of my anger and I would like us to reconcile. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar and how they managed that.


Latest activity by Julie, on February 10, 2023 at 08:33
  • Julie
    Featured May 2023 Ontario
    Julie ·
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    Sorry to hear that you are having some issues. She is most likely waiting for you to reach out. Extend the olive branch and see where it leads. Yes, in person is so much better as you are able to read her body language but a phone call works just the same. I would definitely avoid text as that does get misinterpreted. Good luckSmiley heart

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    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    We have been lucky that most people haven't put their opinions forward like your friend did, If an in person meeting doesn't what about an online chat via facetime or Teams?

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  • Andrea
    Newbie July 2023 British Columbia
    Andrea ·
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    Hello K1327,

    Easier said than done as we do not live in the same place. I agree in person would be best but I will have to settle for a letter or a phone call. I have let her know that she matters to me and that I care about her. It is my hope that we can move forward. Her birthday was at the end of January and I have a both a card and gift I had intended to send to her but things were pretty fraught between us so I waited to do so. I intend to send it to her tomorrow as I think we likely have both taken some time and space and might be better able to talk for having done so. Thanks for your thoughtful reply. It was encouraging to read and did help me to feel a little better. Best of luck with all your own wedding planning.


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  • K1327
    Featured August 2022 Ontario
    K1327 ·
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    I have not experienced something like this but if I were in your shoes I think I would set up a lunch or dinner date with her and sit down and talk it out. I think it's best to do in person, let her know your feelings and how much you care about her and it's already a stressful and sensitive time and you're just trying to navigate through it and do your best - hopefully she sympathizes with you and you guys can move forward.

    If there are no changes or she does not try and understand, you may have to make a bigger decision at that point but it sounds like it definitely deserves a chance to hash out in person. Good luck and hoping all works out Smiley heart

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