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Kelly
Expert September 2019 Manitoba

Friend can no longer marry us

Kelly, on July 4, 2019 at 17:06 Posted in Wedding ceremony 0 14
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Feeling a bit down. this week has been very hard. One of my best friends passed away on Sunday.

On Tuesday, our other friend who was going to marry us just informed us that he can no longer be at our wedding, which really REALLY sucks.

The person we would have asked in his place is the one that just passed.

We leave tomorrow morning for a wedding in Toronto. We haven't begun packing yet, nor have we even looked at things to do for the 4 days we're there. We have to go to the viewing tonight, which I'm dreading (I don't want to see my friend's lifeless body. that's not how I want to remember him. But I want to go and be there for his family).

Just feeling super down. The week has been a lot. And neither of us are sure who to ask to marry us now. Definitely want a friend to do it and not just hire a stranger. We went through the guest list and felt only lukewarm about a few options.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on July 10, 2019 at 23:59
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Oh Kelly, I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words for you that can make this better, except I am so sorry that you're going through this difficult time.

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  • Dionne
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Dionne ·
    • Dispute

    I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a difficult time for you and it must be hard to have to think one of the most important days of your life without one of your besties being present. Please try to take comfort in the fact that your friend will be smiling down on your on your special day. We were feeling the same way about having a stranger marry us and so we decided to ask two friends, who had helped us through a difficult times to perform the bulk of the ceremony and we will have a officiant (who turned out to be a beautiful person inside and out) perform the legalities. Her name is Sarah Hall. She talked us through the process and will let our friends do everything except the legal requirements. Over the year of planning, we have become friends with Sarah. Sending you warm hugs of comfort during your difficult time.

    • Reply
  • Missa
    Frequent user August 2019 New Brunswick
    Missa ·
    • Dispute

    Im so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine going through that at anytime in my life, let alone when you're planning a wedding and stressed in general. Take some time for yourself this week.

    As for the officiant, do you have a family member that could do it? A sibling perhaps, or maybe even your maid of honor/ best man ? They could even perform the ceremony together and make it extra special Smiley smile

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  • Chere-Lee
    Frequent user October 2020 Ontario
    Chere-Lee ·
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    I am so very sorry for your loss Smiley cry

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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
    • Dispute

    I'm so sorry Kelly, what an awful week. Take some time to grieve and then you might feel better about considering options on who to marry you.

    Sending hugs and condolences.

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Devoted October 2021 Alberta
    Taylor ·
    • Dispute

    I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. Dont snub the idea of a stranger doing it. i felt the same way but i found an amazing woman who i just vibed with (so much so i might invite her to stay!) shes just signing the licence and my brothers are doing the ceremony so i still kind of get what i want. i hope you find someone who makes your day special again

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  • L
    Ontario
    Lynn Cook ·
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    Oh I'm so sorry for your loss and for the stress you must be going through. I know you would rather not have a stranger but I went to a wedding and the wedding officiant was amazing. Depending on where you live. He is in the Durham region. Here is his web site and you can read the comments, Thelovestory.ca Finding one for this special occasion is not an easy task. My heart goes out to you❤.
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    I'm sorry for your loss Kelly! Sending virtual hugs your way! Smiley heart Viewings honestly are the worst - I don't want to see the person's lifeless body, but I want to be supportive so I'm hoping the viewing went as well as it could have.

    Have you considered asking one of your parents/siblings to marry you? Or someone in your wedding party (preferably not your MOH/bestman)?

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  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
    • Dispute

    So sorry to hear about your friend passing Smiley heart Sending lots of love and hugs. I agree with others below about giving yourself a bit of time to breathe and grieve before finding someone else.

    • Reply
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    • Dispute

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend Kelly! Is there anyone else who would be able to marry you intime and get their certificate or whatever is needed by then?

    I would give yourself some time before asking someone else, this is such a difficult time for you both and need to process before asking someone else.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    Sorry to hear about your friend, and sorry to hear about being officiantless as well.

    My cousin Nicole just lost her friend to cancer a couple days ago as well and she's devastated as well. It's never easy especially when you see it coming and can't do anything to stop it.

    As for your officiant, my FH's Uncle backed out as well and we went on WW and got quotes from like 5 people so I know there are some out there if you are left with that being your only option. Would you want a parent to officiate by chance?

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    I’m so sorry to hear that your friend has passed away.

    Would it be possible to get an officiant last minute? Or is there someone else who could do it for you, even if you may not have considered them at all before?

    Try your best to enjoy the wedding this weekend. I’m sure your friend would want you to be as happy as you could possibly be.
    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute
    So sorry to hear about your loss Smiley sad. I honestly hate viewings, but supporting their family during the difficult time is really important.
    As for someone to marry you, do you have any siblings that you think could do it? An aunt or an uncle that you are close with?
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Really sorry to hear the news about your friend and to go to the viewing before a wedding. Not something one would wish upon a couple getting married soon.

    Consider the options and just have to keep an open mind to go with an Officiant. It would be easy to ask another friend to wed you two.

    I do hope your days seem better after all this events and there will be something special for your friend at your wedding. I'm sure it would mean a lot to you two doing this for him.

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