Fire a bridesmaid?

Hey Amanda,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this - I can imagine the hurt and confusion you are feeling around the whole thing.

Here are a few options I see:

1. I know you said that your brother will always support the GF, but what if you approach a convo with your brother on the situation differently? Try to spin it as you being concerned about HER and HER time, and that maybe she will feel better being his +1 instead of a member of the bridal party - you can also even tell him she can still be invited to be a part of wedding planning things, but at least there is no pressure. (I suggest this, as it sounds like your brother already has his back up against the wall when it comes to his GF, so going this direction may get a better response)

2. If she is "soo" busy, is your brother and her also not seeing each other? If they are still seeing each other often, maybe try inserting plans the GF has said she would be a part of into convo with your bro so he knows what is going on? "Hey, is _____ looking forward to joining mom next week looking at _______ for the shower?"

3. Have a "Come to Jesus" talk with her (or text) like Hank suggested. Lay it out there for her (but again, stress you value her time and your relationship). If she says she will step it up, great, if she backs out or continues to ghost you - at least you have your answer and can move forward.

You mentioned that you don't exactly have other options of people who can stand in if she is no longer a BM, and the good news is, you don't have to replace her if you don't want to - it's your day, and having an un-even number bridal party will still be beautiful

Good luck either way, and please keep us posted.

Maybe instead of firing her, you ask if she prefers to step down. Say you notice she's been MIA so you figure she's busy and need to deal with her own stuff. Reiterate that there are no hard feelings.

One of three things will happen:

1) she takes it as an out and explicitly accepts the offer to step down

2) she makes excuses and insists on staying, which you can then reiterate your expectations

3) she ignores you, which is also another sign that she wants out (inaction is an action)

Do you have anyone else in your bridal party besides your brother and his gf?

You could cite how she's always dropping out of attending things last minute. And I would hope your brother is more reasonable. Has he been flaking on any of his commitments? And honestly, if she's been flaking this much, she clearly doesn't want to be bothered so you letting her go gently might just be what she needs to have an out.

If she insists on staying, explain your expectations once again.

Were all your expectations for bridesmaids communicated when you asked them to join your bridal party? If so, just send her a note and let her go gently. Tell her that it doesn't seem like she's able to take on the responsibilities and it would be easier on her to just attend as a guest.