FH convinced we won't get gifts

It really depends on the demographic and how generous and financially well-off your friends and family are. That being said, we had some surprises for our wedding. Some friends who we thought were close gave substantially less than some other friends who we haven't known as long. Also, some families who brought their three children only gave $150 whereas we had one friend give us $1000 which was a shocker. So I would say keep your expectations low so that you don't get disappointed when someone doesn't give you what you expected they would. Also, people do bring gifts. We received several gifts on our wedding day even though everyone knew we'd be moving countries.

View quoted message Apparently my mil days the wedding gift average is $200!! Which is insane! I don't expect that at all, I had my bridal shower yesterday and my ffil gave us a instant pot. Which we didn't expect. It would make our lives so much easier during the week

View quoted message My FH things we will get more. I sound like your FH because Of how little I expect from people in my life too. Haha. I’m a huge gift giver! So clearly, I’m the odd ball in my family haha. I would NEVER go to any event empty handed.

View quoted message Same with us! Ours is a destination wedding in Mexico and I don't expect anything from anyone other than to just be there! I know they are spending a lot to be there and that is my gift.

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I agree - better pleasantly surprised! We aren't counting on any gifts, period, but I am just surprised by how little he expects from people in his life.

My sister just told me yesterday "I found your wedding gift!" I shook my head and reminded her she's in our wedding party and didn't need to get us anything. My family might be the odd balls - my FH and I went to a destination wedding last year (in Kelowna BC) and still gave a small (100&dollar gift.

When it comes to wedding gifts and monetary amounts, I would say expect the worst, hope for the best lol. At least if your convinced you’ll only get $3000, then anything above that is a bonus. A wedding my FH was part of last year had 410 guests and they got under $16,000. (Ceremony at hotel Macdonald, reception downtown Edmonton) so you just never know. My sister told me flat out yesterday that they aren’t giving us anything. They looked it up online, Because our wedding is a destination wedding so they have to pay to come (Kananaskis) that they aren’t required to give us anything. Haha. I told her totally, just come to the wedding and enjoy yourself. For her, her partner and their kids, it’s costing us over $300 for the dinner alone. I really am totally ok with it. I’m happy people are taking time to come and join us. I’m sure most of my family won’t be giving anything. Haha.

I don't think we will be getting any gifts from his family just because they aren't the gift giving type. They didn't at our engagement party and most aren't attending my bridal shower. The family that is in our wedding party won't even becoming to our bachor/lette party. I am not counting on the gifts but same time I have attended weddings and I think its rude not to bring anything at all. When we had tough times but attending a wedding we would use the registry and try to get things that might be on sale. It worked out for one wedding went to what it was valued at was 150 and after a sale they had I got for 50. I hope we will get money for gifts as we would like to put towards honey moon!

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I totally understand! We're in our late 30's and have lived together for 2+ years, so in the same boat, and our main registry is a honeymoon registry. We know some people prefer 'stuff' for gifts, though, so we did a small registry at Bed Bath and Beyond - we picked things we wanted to upgrade (new slow cooker, vacuum, dishes, etc), so that if we got them, we could get rid of the old item we no longer needed.

This is different because it was my bridal Shower last Sunday. Our Moms and Wedding party asked what we'd like so when Guests asked they had an answer. We said any restaurant gift card as we can't afford to just go out to dinner or any gift card at all. We did not register as we are in our mid 40s and have lived together for over 8 Years... We were given a lot of actual gifts. Lots of picture frames, towels, a rice cooker, recipe books, candles etc and some gorgeous lingerie from my Mom. I was sure not registering made it clear we didn't need "things" but I was wrong.

I think my fiancé is unknowledgeable about this too; I'm not particularly worried about gifts because I'm in a similar situation as you wherein I know my family will be as generous as they're able to be. But I do worry some of his family will be cheap (despite being able to afford to go on trips, etc.) and we don't have a registry, so it will be interesting to see how things pan out...

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That's a great point, and one I hadn't considered. I know in all the couples I know, the wife/girlfriend gets the card, writes in it and puts in the cash, so that makes sense!

I know what you're saying! I am honestly trying to not calculate or think about what we MIGHT get back... I know what I give as a guests but as you I am 100% not expecting gifts. I know they do happen but I'm trying to keep that as a completely separate thing for us to be surprised about when it happens.I wanted our wedding to be 100% paid off and what ever we do get goes towards honeymoon and home! Not planning for anything specific number though.

That being said, I don't think you should try and convince your FH that you guys will be getting more than what he thinks. Let it be a surprise to him! And I would hate for you guys to get your hopes up and the return isn't what you expect. Just my 2 cents!

100% agree with you and I think it's tied to the fact that the wedding market (including knowing etiquette, timelines, budget, general how-to) is geared towards women.

Men don't generally plan their wedding on pinterest, buy wedding mags or subscribe to multiple wedding planning websites for planning articles and tips!

So it's normal for them to be out of touch with that sort of stuff!

The amount referred to sounds right since you don't get back much from friends. Family and close friends would give more. We ended up with about $4 grand at the end after going to my brothers house for dinner the same evening leaving the venue (after wedding) and receiving money from family directly.

I find my FH is more unknowledgable about etiquette things lol. I'm usually the more "socially aware" one out of the two of us.

Most people do bring cash gifts to the wedding but I find that the physical gifts are usually sent to the couple's home beforehand so guests aren't travelling/lugging a gift to the reception. I don't like going to weddings empty-handed, so I do usually give a cash gift.

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100% agree. Both myself and my FH are not getting our hopes up and banking on everyone giving the exact amount to cover their plate. Of course some family members will give more, and some will give less which may balance out in the end.

FSIL &FBIL said that one family (6 people I think) gave them $75 total at their wedding a few years ago. These family members are also coming to our wedding so I know not to expect too much from them. But everyone else does give enough of a gift to at least pay for their plate.

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Oh god you seriously scared me! Well, FSIL invited way too many people that really shouldn't have been invited, so that might have something to do with it? AND they went overboard with their wedding (they took out loans and whatnot), so they were probably hoping for more from their guests. When I started planning my wedding, my mother was quick to point out that just because someone spends more per plate, it doesn't mean a guest will give more. And I've tried to keep that in mind ever since lol.

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No, the average gift in Canada is 147$ (apparently, haha). 50$ is the minimum that etiquette considers appropriate, if you are a distant friend or coworker.

The old rule of thumb to gift enough to cover your plate (which is why your friend is asking!) has mostly gone out the etiquette window, but people still use it to gauge how much to gift.

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Well now you're scaring me lol. I hope that people understand how much weddings cost and gift accordingly. I've had friends ask me how much it is per plate and I tell them honestly what it's costing, hoping that they will understand how much to gift (mind you, I'll be happy even if guests don't gift anything, it's really them being there that matters).

I'm really shocked to hear that the average amount is $50. That's not even enough to cover half the cost of the plate!

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That is fairly low, at least according to 'etiquette' rules. Etiquette guides recommend 50$+ per guest (with 50$ being the minimum for 'acquaintances') and your budget 'should go up' if you are closer to the couple, or make a significant amount of money (I had to look this up for the first few weddings I went to since I didn't know what was appropriate to give!).

What your FSIL said means that everyone gave ~45$. Average numbers in Canada (from a bit of quick googling over the last month or so) are "

Cash gifts really come down to how well you know the couple-of-the-hour, but as it turns out, Canadians on average believe $147 is the right amount to give.

According to a recent poll by Ipsos, on behalf of Global News, half of Canadians (51 per cent) believed $100 to $199 was acceptable for a wedding gift. Most thought they were spending a reasonable amount, while one in 10 thought they should spend even less."

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Right?? That was the same for me!! The people he mentioned LEGITIMATELY didn't know you were suppose to bring anything at all..... like... WHAT?!? lol You would bring something to a birthday so why would you think a wedding is any different???

My FH is trying not to get our hopes up because you never really do know what's going to happen. FSIL claims that out of 160 guests, they only received $22000 (this is including $15000 from both sets of parents), so the expectations are low.

I think everyone worries about money and their wedding at some point in time, so maybe this is just a phase your FH is going through and he'll snap out of it.

We're not registered anywhere and feel the same way regarding "just come and celebrate".

My FH is quite smart about a lot of things, so I always appreciate it when certain planning processes/logistics stump him.

We haven't had the discussion about cards/what to expect bc it's beyond our comfort level. At this point, we're like you and yours, where we'll be thankful for whatever we get, and not at all disappointed if that number is low or nothing at all.

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That's amazing... I love the wedding crasher invite idea - so cute.

It's just lack of knowledge on the topic I'm sure. Like you said you have been to enough weddings to know how much is usually given. My fiance was kind of the same thinking we wouldn't get much, which we are both in agreeance with you - it's not the point at all - but I explained the same. Families tend to give more a lot of the time but either way - I would be excited too if I were you!.. It's cute that he really is expecting nothing, so he should end up being very surprised.

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I've never been to a wedding people didn't bring a gift to! I mean, there's always one or two people who 'forget' but by and large, even those who don't attend send something in my circle of friends and family, too!

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We rented a community hall, so we can have guests come whenever we would like. We actually did up paper invitations that said "Wedding Crashers Wanted" for our crasher guests, so they know we want them there just as much. People have really enjoyed them!

We don't care if the friends who are hard up don't bring a gift, though I do think they still will (with a few exceptions of people who are...socially awkward?).

I agree - I am not fighting him on his belief, but am excited to see his reaction when the time comes.

Oh man, he is way off.

Yes, none of us are getting married for the money... and no one wants to expect anything - BUT - it costs a lot for the couple and it is etiquette that at the least you pay for your plate.

If there are guests that are really that hard up then I would think they would maybe decline attending rather than come empty handed. The crashing after dinner is a good idea as well as long as your venue doesn't mind. Then they can still celebrate with you.

You may never get through to him pre wedding.. Let him be surprised afterwards.

It's not that my Fiancé is unknowledgeable, it's that he has had different experiences with his family compared to me with mine.

So one of his friends got married and had a bunch of people who didn't bring anything - not even a card. Where as my family will send a card with money even if they don't come at all!

It can be surprising to find out that others don't know that when going to a wedding, that presentation is well... not expected... but ya - it's a little expected, y'know?