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Kelly
Expert September 2019 Manitoba

Engagement Party

Kelly, on October 25, 2019 at 09:52 Posted in Before the wedding 0 14
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Coming at you with questions from a guest perspective this time!

We just got an invitation to an engagement party for our friends getting married next year. Neither of us have ever been to an engagement party before. Is it similar to a shower where the guests bring gifts?? Not sure if this makes a difference, but our friends getting married are a same sex couple, so I'm not sure if the engagement party is supposed to be in place of a shower? I don't want to show up empty handed if the intention is for us to bring gifts.

Thoughts?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on October 29, 2019 at 16:56
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    I generally walk with a small gift. ie a gift card for a restaurant for $50 or less depending how close i am with the couple. im sure theyre not expecting gifts so dont go over board. they will probably have a shower as well so that you can bring a gift gift

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    I think a celebratory bottle of booze or a gift card for a date night out would be appropriate! If they're having a shower where your expected to bring another gift you can go a bit bigger, and if they don't have a shower you can make the wedding present that much fancier. If you start out too extravagant you might set the bar too high Smiley winking


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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    View quoted message
    Wow, the mother doesn't understand what an engagement party is. It is nothing at all like a shower.
    I'd almost feel like being cheeky and making my gift Miss. Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour, but I'm cranky like that.
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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
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    View quoted message

    Yikes! That's a little forward to say that a gift is expected, especially if the invite didn't say. We usually bring a bottle of wine and a card (if we know that the couple enjoys wine, of course), but it's usually a simple gesture and well wished more than anything. Glad you asked for clarification - but I suspect there will be several people that don't bring a gift similar to a shower setting.

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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    Such a good idea. I love the wine and card idea!

    EXCEPT....the mom just responded to my email and said "yes, its like a shower."

    So there we go. *shaking head* that should have totally been clear on the invitation *sigh*


    the ever unclear engagement party continues to confuse guests everywhere...

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  • M
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    Megan ·
    • Dispute

    Best idea is probably to take a bottle of wine (if they like wine) or a gift card if you're close to the couple. If you're a little more distant, a well-wishes card (with or without cash in it) is probably fine Smiley smile

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  • Briana
    Curious April 2024 Ontario
    Briana ·
    • Dispute

    Hi Kelly! We had an Engagement Party and requested no gifts (just in case people were unsure). Even with that request people still brought cards with money, wine and candles. I agree with most people that it is usually more of a "well wishes". Is there anyone helping with the planning that you could ask to ensure? In the case that you're still unsure, you could always bring a bottle of wine and a card if that suits the couple.

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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    As per ettiquette, an engagement party isn't an event to which one brings a gift, just good wishes. I would probably bring a congratulatory card.
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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    Yeah usually if gifts are expected the invitation will say "couple is registered at ..." like for showers. This invitation didn't say anything like that, but I did some poking around and they've set up a registry at the bay.

    One of their mom's is hosting, so when I emailed her my RSVP I asked for clarification on the gift expectations, so hopefully I get an answer.

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
    • Dispute

    I've gone to a couple of engagement parties and have seen different things. Some people went ahead and bought physical house gifts, some gave money and other just a simple card. I've never bought or gave any thing other than a card with congratulatory sentiment. As I know I'm gonna be giving something at the shower AND at the wedding, which is more than enough, IMO.
    I think it would be good etiquette for the newly engaged couple to set those parameters for their guests, so that the message is clear. If it's unclear, I would just reach out to the couple directly and ask for clarifications.

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  • Caitlyn
    Super January 2020 Ontario
    Caitlyn ·
    • Dispute

    You don't have to give gifts at an engagement party, you of course can if you want to though. When we had our engagement party we were not expecting gifts and were pleasantly surprised that a handful of people brought us something as a gift.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    People gave us gifts, even though we requested no gifts on the invite lol
    Ask your friends and see what they want - I wouldn’t think to bring a gift but after ours, no so sure lol
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    Hmmmm to be honest I have no idea but I would think that it's just a little party get-together. Best bet would be to just ask them, that's what I would do.

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  • Vanessa
    Frequent user September 2019 Ontario
    Vanessa ·
    • Dispute

    I went to my first engagement party last year and I gave them a Hudson's Bay gift card for $150. I decided on that amount because I was in the bridal party so I knew I would also be paying for a dress, hair and makeup, a bachelorette party, a shower gift, and a wedding gift. For my engagement party, I got a few bottles of champagne and champagne glasses that I ended up returning for gift cards anyways because I got doubles of everything. For me, a gift card is the way to go!

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