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Newbie March 2023 Ontario

Engaged>married? Fiancé troubles

Rebecca, on June 29, 2021 at 23:11 Posted in WeddingWire 0 4
Hey y’all, so I just need to do some venting/get some advice. My fiancé and I got engaged in March 2020 before the pandemic hit and it was inevitable that no real planing would take place since too much was going on/not able to take place.

Regardless of the situation at hand when I bring up anything to do with weddings even something as silly as a bouquet I liked on Pinterest. He always has something negative or dismissive about the wedding to say. “Don’t know why you’re looking at that” as if I’m crazy for thinking it’s worth looking at bouquets for a wedding that clearly is never going to happen. I have brought up having something as simple as a court house document signing along with a small dinner with friends/family and even that gets shot down.
To give you some more insight, we have been together for 4 years and have a 3 year old son. It’s becoming almost obvious that he proposed just to get me a ring so I would feel like there is a marriage there and I should just be happy with that. I can’t help but feel like I’m being taken advantage of by someone who knew I wanted an engagement, but should have realized that meant ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED, not just given a piece of jewelry that feels like nothing anymore I don’t even wear it, I put it back in the box and hid it in my drawer I can barely look at it. Am I wrong for feeling this way?


Latest activity by Vinod, on June 30, 2021 at 18:55
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    You are getting mixed messages from your fiancé to get married because he feels you make him complete yet not fully satisfied to what he seems to have as a wife and mother. I know a friend at work who was proposed for the same reason to get married in a rush and just feels she's not in control of her life because of his insecurities. This is the same way I see you down the road and not being happy to get married to someone that doesn't feel the same way anymore. He needs to change his tone/behaviour in order to know you are truly happy with him. It seems there needs to be a conversation of where this is leading and if he really wants to get married or just move on. I don't want you to feel discouraged about this, yet you need to know if you should go ahead or just let him part his way. It will hurt you hard after you get married and you still feel the same as you do now.
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  • Tunisha
    Super October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha ·
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    Hello Rebecca,
    I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, especially during a very tough time such as Covid and hoping that your partner will be supportive of the situation.

    I agree with Christiana! Have a conversation with him to understand if you two are on the same page and expectations of each other. If that doesn’t work then you can definitely look into couple’s counselling. I really hope that you get an answer and that you’ll be able to feel more supportive and be able to decide your future. Sending positive vibes! 🙏🏾💕
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  • Megan
    Frequent user July 2023 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    I'm so sorry this must be really tough for you! I know covid has been discouraging for a lot of couples but we are on the tail end of things now so it's completely normal to be thinking about details of a wedding. I don't know what your conversations were prior to getting engaged but to me it sounds like there is some resentment there and perhaps he felt pressure to take the next step even if he wasn't ready? I really hope that's not the case and it's a simple miscommunication but I think you need to sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling and ask for his honesty. I would straight up ask "do you still want to get married" of course you risk a very hurtful response, but it's better than always wondering. I agree that if you can't come to a resolution this way that couple's counselling would be the way to go if he is open to that.

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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    I'm sorry your partner hasn't been supportive since you got engaged. I can't imagine how disappointing that must be. You are absolutely not wrong for feeling this way. When people get engaged the end goal is to be married 99% of the time - although I have heard of rare circumstances where some people just stay engaged for like 40 years. Your partner proposed to you and it's completely natural that the next step is to start planning or at least start thinking about planning.

    What sort of conversations did the two of you have about marriage prior to becoming engaged? Were you both open about your expectations for the wedding? It sounds like there's been a big miscommunication somewhere along the line. Or if there has been no miscommunication and your partner is well aware of your feelings then unfortunately it sounds like there are much bigger issues here. I think the only way to move forward is to be completely honest about how you've felt since you've been engaged and to communicate your intentions with the engagement. If you're still not on the same page after having a serious discussion, I would look into couples counselling.

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