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Curious September 2020 Alberta

Drama Between Bridesmaids

Allyah, on October 7, 2019 at 11:28 Posted in Before the wedding 0 18

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Hi all, I have recently had a little bit of a problem with my MOH and one of my bridesmaids. My MOH has been friends with me for about seven years and my other bridesmaids about two or three, to me the length of the friendship makes no difference. Anyways recently my MOH had left Calgary for school and lost touch with our group of friends (my bridesmaids) and she tried to reach out to them and they have all ignored her messages. In my opinion, it wasn't that big of a deal because she never really had friendships with them in the first place. But basically my MOH and me were at my house one day and one of my bridesmaids came over to give me flowers and congratulated me on my recent job switch, while she was there she did not really speak to my MOH, which I did not see as that big of a deal as she was there to see me. Anyhow now my MOH is telling me that she would prefer not to have said friend in my wedding party (which I found unacceptable) because she was insulted and mad that she didn't pay attention to her (my MOH). I had told her to message the other girl and tell her how she felt because I wanted her to work it out on her own (as she is an adult) and she refused. I kind of told her how it was, that as a bride I have enough stress I don't need the stress of the drama, and pretty much told her to suck it up because it is my wedding and both of them are equally important to me, I think she took this in a rough way and did not really respond to me after this. I didn't feel as though it was fair for her to try and tell me who to have in my wedding party, as it is my wedding and not hers. I felt that I may have been a bit too harsh, after this, she told me not to worry about it and seemed passive-aggressive about it all. I was planning on messaging my bridesmaid to at least let her know what was going on, and then she could deal with it in whatever way she wanted to.While all of this is going on the other bridesmaid had no idea how she feels towards her. My concern is that my MOH is going to cause drama and throw fits every time she doesn't get her way if something as small as this is going on now what else could go on? So my questions are, first, should I message the other bridesmaid and let her know how my MOH feels towards her or should I leave it alone? Also, was I being too harsh on my MOH and are my feelings towards this situation fair? And lastly, how have you other brides dealt with the drama between bridesmaids.

Sorry for a long question, just thought it would be good for you ladies to have all the details in order to help me solve this issue correctly.

Thank You in advance for you responses

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18 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on October 9, 2019 at 17:44

Expert September 2020 Ontario
Emily · On October 9, 2019 at 17:44
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Well that definitely makes it easier for you! I’m hoping for the best for you, you don’t need the stress!
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Expert September 2019 Manitoba
Kelly · On October 9, 2019 at 12:34
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I'm fired up that she actually had the nerve to ask you to kick out the bridesmaid. oh hell no! Girl, you don't get to demand who is in the bridal party. you don't like them and feel uncomfortable around them, then you can leave the bridal party.
You were right to tell her to suck it up and that you wanted no part of the drama. Sounds to me like there's more to this story that she isn't telling you though. Nobody dislikes somebody THAT much form just being ignored a bit. Either way, you handled it perfectly. I'd leave it alone and wouldn't talk to her or the bridesmaid about it further.
If the MOH decides to throw a pity party and becomes difficult, then bring it up again and get to the bottom of it.
Hopefully it doesn't come to that though.
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Curious September 2020 Alberta
Allyah · On October 9, 2019 at 09:03
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That is a really good idea. I will definitely do that if they both become too much.
Thank you
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Curious September 2020 Alberta
Allyah · On October 9, 2019 at 09:02
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This is very true. Thank you
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Curious September 2020 Alberta
Allyah · On October 9, 2019 at 09:02
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Thank you girl! It’s always nice to have reassurance that what I did was justified and right. It’s hard to have to deal with someone like that and honestly if she does back out that’s on her it’s her lose not mine. I have tons of other friends who would love to fill the spot.
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Curious September 2020 Alberta
Allyah · On October 9, 2019 at 09:00
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That is very true. Thank you I am honestly considering removing her and I basically told her that If she continues to cause problems I am going to have to handle it
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Super October 2019 Ontario
Katelyn · On October 9, 2019 at 08:58
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Good luck! And don't stress every bride goes through drama. It will turn out okay.
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Curious September 2020 Alberta
Allyah · On October 9, 2019 at 08:57
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That is very true. I will definitely try talking to both of them.
Thank you
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Super October 2019 Ontario
Katelyn · On October 9, 2019 at 08:25
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Wow that is very childish behavior. Sorry you have yo deal with this. I would maybe try to sit them both down and explain what's what. Either they work it out or they just attend the wedding as a guest. You really do have more important things to focus on instead of their petty drama.
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VIP August 2020 Ontario
Ashley · On October 8, 2019 at 15:07
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Wow I cant believe how childish shes being! Ive been a part of SOOO many weddings where I don’t know anyone in the wedding party and I just say hello at all the brides functions and on the wedding day I would just make small talk with them! There is no reason for her to be like that. I kinda wonder if since she moved away shes using this to kinda “get out” of your wedding. Ie making something so small and stupid a huge deal so she can just be like well I don’t want to be your MOH.
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Master July 2021 Ontario
Kelsie · On October 8, 2019 at 08:58
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I'm really sorry you need to deal with this drama. Your MOH seems really immature and self-involved. Who cares if your bridesmaid didn't pay attention to her - it seems they aren't really friends in the first place.
I wouldn't reach out to the bridesmaid - it's not your job to be the go between. If your MOH has an issue it is her responsibility to bring it up to the bridesmaid not you. I'd tell your MOH exactly that - if you have an issue, bring it up to the bridesmaid and work out a solution.
In terms of bridal party drama - my FSIL had the worst drama I've ever seen. She had kind of combined different groups of friends into her party, and the one clique of friends didn't include the non-clique friends, treated family terribly, etc, etc. It was awful.
I only chose my sister to be in my party for this reason, so if I were going to give any advice from what I learned from my FSIL's drama is if there's one individual that is causing an issue for everyone else and that individual doesn't want to change.. remove them.
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Expert September 2020 Ontario
Emily · On October 7, 2019 at 19:02
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I 100% agree with how you handled it! I understand she may feel uncomfortable but she is an adult and you have enough on your plate with the wedding planning. It seems silly to remove someone because 1 girl doesn’t get along with her...
I’m more worried if she is being passive-aggressive now, will she eventually becom too much to handle or end up backing out?? If she brings it up again I would tell her you’re going to mention it to the person. Try not to be too hard on yourself!
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Casey · On October 7, 2019 at 13:27
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What you did is exactly what I would have done. It should be up to your MOH to handle something like that and not you.
It is a bit much for your MOH to tell you who she thinks should be in the wedding party, but at the end of the day, that is not her decision.
Just talk to her about it, and if things get out of hand talk to both of them
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VIP September 2019 Quebec
Valérie · On October 7, 2019 at 13:02
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I think you did the right thing (telling your MOH to handle it and not to mention anything to the other bridesmaid). At this point, the ball is in your MOH's court, whether she does anything is up to her, so I'd just let her be.
If you do see that it escalates or gets ridiculous, then I would ask for both to join you for coffee to talk it out. You would simply be the mediator between the two, as you value both and can't stand being stuck between them.
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On October 7, 2019 at 11:58
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You're welcome!
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Curious September 2020 Alberta
Allyah · On October 7, 2019 at 11:43
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Awesome, thank you so much! I kind of figured that the way I was feeling wasn't cray but sometimes the validation is nice. I definitely will talk to her more about it!
Thank you
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On October 7, 2019 at 11:41
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I think your feelings on the situation are fair - it definitely isn't in your MOH's place to dictate who should/shouldn't be in your wedding party.
I would try and talk to your MOH before talking to the other bridesmaid (I wouldn't bring it up unless she says something). If the MOH just started school (I assume college/university), she might be feeling the stress of that and took it out on you and the bridesmaid. School does stress people out and cause them to act out.
I definitely agree that you have enough to worry about without bridal party drama. If the situation doesn't improve with your MOH, I'd think about if you really want her involved (i.e. she keeps causing drama with others).
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